Archive for fundraiser

Done in 70 Seconds Or Less

Posted in bipolar disorder, depression with tags , , , , , , on May 15, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms


It costs maybe two minutes of your time to cheer up a little girl struggling with life right now.

Please and thank you.

I posted a couple of mindless chatter videos of my own cos, well, hypomania.

Check it out, it’s like driving by a car wreck and trying to look away but you can’t and it sickens you but still…you look cos it’s not something you see every day. Neither is me looking non haggish and sounding optimistic and SMILING WITH GENUINE AUTHENTICITY. Smelling salts may be needed afterward.


Brief Message From My Social Butterfly

Posted in Children and Kids with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms


vacay fundraising page

family paypal account link


I have been booted off the fundraiser/social media circuit by my 9 year old. She says people don’t like me enough so she’ll never get to Six Flags if I am doing the campaign. All TWO of my feelings are hurt. She isn’t wrong, motivating people to give a damn isn’t my wheelhouse.

So aside from legalities that I have to handle…she is in charge. You can direct any questions or comments to her via her youtube page.¬†

OR via the comments on the gofundme page.

I’m OUT. I will stick to my bailiwick of griping about mental health issues and assorted other random shit no one cares about. Inane venting, that is my thing. Spook can have the social media butterfly gig.





Yep, still..fundraising…latest update

Posted in depression, fundraiser with tags , , , , , , , on April 24, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

I updated today.

The update explains why we are still seeking donations. Legal fees, school fees, pet flea treatment, and yes, my 9 and a half year old daughter has never once been on a vacation even 2 hours away to Six Flags when she reads to earn her own admission ticket. It is awful when I say no we can’t go, because I can’t buy my own ticket, put gas in the car, then have enough to sleep in a motel overnight due to my poor night vision.

So please go check it out

She saw a vid of St Louis’s Six Flags Screamin’ Eagle and now she just reallt wants to go. Please help me make her dream come true and help prevent flea bite hell for the cats and their allegy laden human. (me)

Thanks. Happy Tuesday.

The flea stuff we need  for the cats


Me and Spook’s paypal direct account


Trust me, with my daughter, everything is ‘ours;. Except for the bills, those are all mine, but we get ‘our paycheck’, we get ‘our child support’ (I wish!). This is totally team mom and daughter.

Fundraiser Update:

Posted in depression, health with tags , , , , , , on April 15, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

You can read about it here.

Bottom line, we need about $300 by next Tuesday to keep service, the another $270 by April 2nd. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS is the only thing keeping us from our goal which is to not lose electricity right now.


The only reason I’ve linked to paypal here is because receiving funds through gofundme can take up to 5 business days and this disconnect notice’s shelf life will expire before that.

Please help us.

Abject Failure Leaves A Bad Taste In Your Mouth, Bad Juju in Your Bones

Posted in depression with tags , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2018 by morgueticiaatoms

I failed my daughter thisweek in a major way and it’s taking days to figure out how to live with myself. Yesterday I was under the post Seroquel haze and everything was pissing me off and I just wanted to sleep, except it was the day the clocks went back so that meant another hour of conscienceness. I skipped the shit last night but I woke six times and always had to add more melatonin to get back to sleep. Least this morning I didn’t need a tow truck to get my ass out of bed like yesterday. I was awake 90 minutes yesterday but not even a full bladder overcame the Seroquel haze. (And yet I have a friend on 300 mg and she’s doing wonderfully at functioning, wtf?) I’m just finding my mind overloaded now that I got the Seroquel haze out of my system, though in light of failing my kid, I suppose numb and pissy was better than being all tearful and self pitying.

I guess on the level of parental failure, I didn’t let her down any more than many parents have let down their kids, due to financial constraints. I did the math ten ways to Sunday but I couldn’t keep the monthly bills paid AND swing tickets to her dance, the photographer, the snacks, new dress shoes…I had to tell her I couldn’t take her and while she didn’t go as batshit violent as I expected, she was putting on a brave face saying it was okay. It’s Not fucking okay that her deadbeat dad gets away with zero responsibility and zero guilt and I have to shoulder all of it while trying not to lose my damned mind. I really did want to take her to that dance and show that even if you don’t have a dad active in your life, one good parent can make up for having a really shitty one. FAIL. I am not even good at begging for money through fundraisers, what a hoot. I can’t find work, can’t get the court system to work for her and make his ass trashiness pay, I went NINE days without a bath and just finally broke this morning…

I know a couple of readers appreciate my honesty is just how nasty depression is but for those who just cringe and think me lazy…Fuck you. I am fighting my hardest here. And it’s not helping that even doing my best results in failure and feeling like I should just do the kid a favor and off myself…Except what good would that do her, what, suddenly the donor will give a damn about her if I am dead? And hey, if that is the case, then that fucker’s more mental than I will ever be.

Which today I am feeling pretty mental, the house is a mess, my kid is at grandpa’s but it’s cold, windy, and pouring rain so snapping out of the depression (god i hate that’snap out of it’ bullshit) isn’t likely gonna happen.

I bathed and put on clean clothes, it’s just gonna have to be enough and I am gonna have to find a way to make up to Spook for the missed dance except…I’m just trying to keep the rent paid and heat turned on here and there is no self pity, just utter fucking frustration. WANTING to work and earn money is not the same as someone giving you a job to do that and help yourself. Not that the world cares that small areas like this one are not reaping the so called economic growth of the job market that some poltiical entities want to spew…

Not to mention my own doctor wouldn’t sign off on me being stable enough right now but again, no one cares, it’s just me being lazy and not trying hard enough.

I can live with letting down my family, friends, the world at large…but failing Spook, that’s a deep wound I can’t live with well. Telling a 9 year old you did your best is about as useful as telling society you’re doing your best.


Why Some Have Fundraisers? Because you can’t put a gun to someone’s head to hire you!

Posted in depression, fundraiser with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2018 by morgueticiaatoms

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about all the scammers out there ripping people off and it turned my stomach. But that was going on long before there ever was an internet,sadly. It is a vile aspect of human nature that many have no conscience and will take the last dime from an elderly woman or a morsel of cookie from the mouth of a toddler. Because of assholes like that, the people like me and Spook who are only asking for help because the law favors deadbeats who don’t pay their court ordered child support, are the ones who get ignored and left to lose what little we have and go hungry.

It’s not a sob story. It’s our life. And while I get people’s reticence to donate because it ‘could be’ some elaborate scheme…I really wish I could give you all a look into our living situation. We live in a house so old, it has skeleton keyholes on the door lock and one electric out in the living room and bedrooms. The carpet is comprised of cheap remnant squares so when I vacuum I end up having to put them back into place. We have a bathtub with a sink faucet so we can’t even attach a shower sprayer. We drive a 2001 car that cost $450 at an auction my dad got it from. This laptop I am writing on this moment? It was a freebie someone left behind at the shop when I was being R’s marionette and my nephew got it working for me. Both of our LCD tvs? Bought used for $110 total a couple years back.

And don’t get me wrong, we are happy to have as much as we do cos it’s more than many have, but it kind of says that we’re not lap of luxury scammer types. I have no intention of letting the donor get out of paying support but the law is on his side in how much time he has to find a job, how long before he has to start paying, and with holidays and winter heat bills coming…I’m terrified. The only thing I have been able to take pride in is that since he walked out 7 years ago, I’ve kept a roof over my kid’s head and the power on. And I did it mostly without ever having to have a fundraiser unless it was unexpected thing like car breakdown, cat illness, or bug infestation.

When we were forced to move, though, we picked up expenses we didn’t have in the trailer park. Water and sewer and trash, which sucks up what little cushion I had without child support. Not to mention gas because now it’s a 20 miles trip to town and back for appointments and grocieres. I purposely stayed in that nasty trailer park where the furnace was broken more than it worked because I knew if the donor ditched out on paying, I could manage the monthly bills, just barely. This move was not our idea, and a raise in expenses was not what we wanted. Originally the place we found was $50 less in rent so I’d have been able to swing it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until moving day that we learned the elderly landlord had already rented that place to someone else cos he forgot he rented it to us and we got stuck with, yes a bigger place and house, no less, but higher rent and expenses. Believe me, this was not what I wanted, it was just necessity.

Since the move, I have tried to offer up my services as a babysitter, dogwalker, someone to clean house or run errands. I tried the rural gas stations. The only reason I could get pet supplies is that my stepmom and my dad let me do some dishes and fill out mileage reports for extra cash but when harvest ends, they won’t have the excess income to do that so it’s not a lock. I even tried submitting for a writing position in a local freebie rag and was rejected. We had a yard sale and made less than $8.


That has always been the infuriating thing for me, especially in a rural area where jobs are scarce. If there are 2 positions open and 300 people apply…it’s a safe bet the disabled person with an unstable work history is not going to be in demand. And since we moved to Armpit, the fact is, this is a closeknit country community and Spook and I are outsiders. I think you have to be a natural born redneck and live here ten years before they start viewing you as anything else. And because of my anxiety and mood issues, any work I do first will need the doctor to sign off so I need something off the books cos ain’t no way the doctors-any of them- will guarantee my stability since I’ve had such a bad year with medication and stuff.

So, oh wise ‘get a job’ people…Please do tell me the magic secret.

Or…be a decent human being and just visit the campaign, read our story, click the share button. Donate $5. Don’t want to do cash? Drop me a message and ask what we need, you can have it sent to directly to us unless of course, you think cat food and toilet paper and dish soap are items that make us scammers.

I have nothing to offer right now but words and the fact this blog has been here 7 years and the story never changes because the truth never changes.

On second thought…how about pics of our adorable kittens if for no other reason than the cuteness makes you go awwwwwww. Kitten pics are a popular thing, right?

That is Spook with Pandora.

Spook with Enderman (she named it, some Minecraft thing.)

This is Heathen.

And this is Lacuna.

We took in the mama cat, Tabbytha, after her owner left her outdoors in 95 degree heat for over a week without food or water. My sister rescued pregnant Tabby and tried to place her elsewhere but even the no kill shelter was full. I didn’t have the heart to let her go to the pound so Spook and I took her in and 3 days later she had those adorable babes.

Taking in pregnant cats doesn’t sound like something a heartless scammer would do, does it?

Oh, damn. I just realized- I was in a psych ward so by state law I can never legally own a gun therefore…I can’t hold a gun to an employer’s head.

C’mon, guys. I am TRYING.

Everything I do is for my kid and cats.

I’m batty for them.

Handout and Hand Up Are NOT The Same Thing, People

Posted in fundraiser, mental illness with tags , , , , , , , on October 6, 2018 by morgueticiaatoms

So season six binge watching a show that is comedy yet the lead character is a staunch Republican talking down on anyone who doesn’t share his ‘tough love’ mentality has brought me to the conclusion that…

People need re-educated. Sure, the internet has been a fertile breeding ground for scam artists and fake fundraisers and maybe some people are just jerks or lazy. In my case, I am disabled, but thanks to more brainwashing by the right wing agenda, I feel like I could be missing my head and still be considered lazy and ‘asking for a hand out.’

I’m done with drinking that Kool-Aid. We spent 4 hours in the cold gloom and rain today having a yardsale to buy groceries for the week and made $3.85 between my and Spook’s stuff. So the ad cost $3 and the pricing tape cost $1, plus all the gas hauling stuff to dad’s…My effort to ‘help’ us cost us money. I guess that makes sense to some people but whatever, if that is you, you can click the little x and leave my page.

I changed our campaign story so I am asking, kindkly, for people to revisit the link above and read the amended version. I finally know what I want to do for a living and it’s going to take some seed money, at a time when we just lost money we’re legally entitled to-yet the law is on the donor’s side so who knows how long til support is restored.

I am asking for HAND UP, NOT A HAND OUT. Help me forge this new path for myself so the only fundraising I ever have to do is for orphaned pets and sick children. An on line resell business may not make us rich but it would definitely be something I would be very good at and as long as we can scrape by doing that we won’t have the extra stress of ‘is the child support gonna be there or not?” Because twice in 13 months he’s stiffed us. Give me a hand up so I can become something my daughter can be proud of. I want desperately to do this thing.

View it like this: I already know how to fish, but I can’t afford bait. Help me buy some bait so I can do my own fishing for a living.

And if you still can’t be bothered to click the like button, visit our page, click share, or donate a fiver now…You’re probably not a nice person and we’d never hit it off so leave my page, please.

I will never ever in a gazillion years become of the mentality ‘all people are lazy scam artists’.

Today I took a toy I could have sold for a $1 as it was brand name but instead, I let my dad’s dog fetch it and she went bonkers, making it squeak. Making the dog happy made me feel happy and I forgot about the dollar I might have been able to get. Because even when you’re in need, sometimes, doing something kind feels pretty damned good. Least til they make kindness illegal, anyway.

Now I am gonna try to get the sleep I did not get last night because I was stressed out, turn around and do it again in the morning, when it’s supposed to be pouring and thundering from 1 a.m. til Sunday morning. Maybe I’ll profit by a quarter and I can call someone who cares. Oh, wait, my bad, that was a Travis Tritt song from the 80’s or 90’s.

Spending time with my redneck faction of my family brings out all these country music references I thought I’d long forgotten. Make it stop!!!!!!!!!