Archive for the working with disabilities Category

Hive Mind

Posted in anxiety, depression, working with disabilities with tags , , , , , , on July 7, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

It’s nearing 6 a.m. I have been up since 3:20. The whole thing with my dad on my ass about working at fast food hell has me breaking out in hives. I am 46 years old and my dad can still nag me to hives and keep me from sleeping. Pathetic. But he calls FOUR times a day to rag on me and even when I say fuck off, he keeps doing it, after he screams at me that I am lazy and useless.I have tried being mature and civilized and pointing out, he doesn’t pay any of my bills and I am not asking for anything, so WHY is it any of his business? And god knows I can’t dare mention the fact that I am disabled, that starts him on another tear about deadbeats on the dole.

Any ideas on how to handle this impossible cretin of a man?

Any thoughts on how to earn money from home on the computer?

I don’t care if it’s $12 a week for emailing spam, just anything to get him off my fucking back. It would really frost his balls if I could find something to do on line, he is so hell bent on how my failure to get employment is because I insist on applying on line and won’t go talk to the people. And blah blah blah, that’s not how they do it at his job which he’s had 42 years blah blah blah. I just want to earn some money or hell, even gift cards to buy household and pet supplies. ANYTHING to get him off my back. I am not lazy, I am disabled. If anyone would ever bother to work with me and around my limitations, they might find I am a hard worker, I want to work, but yeah, I have some stuff going on that makes conventional jobs near impossible for me.

Anyone want to help me spite a bigoted racist redneck who has one set of rules for himself, his woman, and their son and another set for his daughters? Anyone want to help me battle misogyny?

Probably not but I am going to keep trying.

Out there somewhere is a way for me to earn a living without it sending me to the Rubber Ramada. I just gotta find it.

It’s light out now. I will never get back to sleep. It’s gonna make for a long day. I am thinking about unplugging the house phone and calling it a whoospie, forgot to plug it back in after running the hell machine vaccuum. It’s happened before, legit. Then he’d just call my cell and waste my minutes on it, but thankfully, I keep the volume low to avoid panic attacks so it’s easily not heard. Then he will come to my door, start barking orders about mowing my lawn properly, and make my life a living hell as he seems to do 7 days a week since we moved to Armpit.

If it wasn’t for him and his crew, I might adapt to this place.

Advice on how to handle the situation would be appreciated. Surely someone knows how to deal with a personality like his. I’ve never figured it out because he simply can’t see any side but his own and he is immovable on certain topics.

Thoughts, anyone? Before I need to drag around and IV pole with a Benadryl drip to control my itchy hives.

The Unemployment Olympics Winner…or finding work when disabled

Posted in disability, employment, working with disabilities with tags , , , , , , , on May 9, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

So like you know how I am always saying we have 8o people applying for one minimum wage position?

Kennel Assistant
Country Club Kennel
Franklin, IL
Your application status
Submitted 13 days ago
You applied
13 days ago
Job listing is currently
Other Indeed applicants

Yes, 63 other applicants for the kennel job. Many of who likely have kennel experience, current positive references and recent employment references.

I think this is where I get so frustrated. It isn’t that I am not trying hard enough, it is that I am literally in rural rock and a hard place territory. So perhaps I’m not unemployable, I’m just not heavily desired as an employee.

But it proves what I say is true and that I am applying for the positions. I have a few apps still open but some are closed meaning I didn’t get it and that’s a bummer cos I don’t need the money to put gas in my shiny car and run around all summer socializing or buy designer clothes or fancy computer or gamer equipment.

I have a child to raise, alone, no child support, no coparenting, just me.

That is why every job failure stings so much. Were I doing it for shallow or selfish purposes, maybe I’d deserve rejection. But my motives are pure, my determination strong as iron. The one handicap I have going against me is neither physical nor mental. It is an economically oppressed rural geography.

I am gonna keep trying. I have the best reason to stand tall and hang tough and I call her Spook. I am all she has and I am gonna prove to her, and to myself, and all my detractors, that I can do better for her, for myself.

spook and me tree





Posted in depression, working with disabilities with tags , , , , , , on March 11, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

Sorry about the screaming all caps in the title, I am testing a theory to see if it somehow results in more views as opposed to, well, not using all caps. I am trying to find some semblance of ‘formula’ to make my posts more interesting and readable but I’ll be damned if I can figure out the webiverse and its inhabitants. One thing gets dozens of likes without having an ounce of my soul in it, just drivel I fired off, then I put some work into a post and 2 people like it. I don’t think it would bother me so much except I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO EARN MONEY ON LINE WITH MY WRITING SO TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND I WILL DO IT!

I’ve been trying to find work locally in a part time capacity since October. Nothing. Even old employers can’t rehire me because I was let go or missed too much work or repeatedly quit without notice. The temp agencies have blacklisted me for the same. I live in a town of 400 and the only jobs here are for farmers, CDL drivers, or the gas station which already employees 4 people and is fully staffed. Two of my neighboors work there and they aren’t giving up a cushy cash paying gig, not even one shift, for my sake. Not that I’d dare to ask, they have kids, too. But they also have husbands in the picture helping pay for stuff, I do not.

This morning, I got a text alert from the power company telling me I need to come up with $380 by next week to keep service on, then another $420 is due by April 5th. WTF am I supposed to do if no one will hire me and I can’t even motivate people to help me raise money with a fundraiser? I am willing to write for any donation, you pick a topic and tell me what you want. A story for your kid where they get to be a Minecraft hero? A romance for your wife? Something smutty for a married housewife to sweat on the pages of? Honestly, writing creatively is all I have ever been any good at. In fact, when I took my GED test, there was an essay part on a topic of their choice and you needed 1200 words. I gave then ten thousand words because it was a topic I felt strongly about and I nailed it to the wall. My math scores were iffy but that essay carried me home. I may miss typos and use the wrong punctuation or not enough spaces or whatnot, but I am not being paid for this blog so don’t let my hurried rambling mom brain fool you. I CAN write. I guess creative writing isn’t in demand as much as blogs that read like technical manuals. Ugh, hate those. I can get more scintillating reading material from the back of a shampoo bottle.

Also overslept today so my kid missed the bus and I had to drive her 10 miles to school first thing. This time change and them canceling school Friday for a ball game (spoiler,they didn’t make it past the second game on Saturday) so I turned off my alarm app has me all messed up. Spook was okay with it, she’s been wanting me to take her to school forever so she can skip the bus. I hated the bus, too, so I get it.

I think my brain is turning to soup as I fill out so many applications and sign up for so many employment agencies, real world and online. All I can do is give the facts. I won’t lie and puff myself up to be something I’m not. Maybe ignorant people think they give disability to everyone willy nilly but I got disability because I was truly left mentally impaired by a medication reaction. I have my plus attributes. But being productive out in the chaos with someone looking over my shoulder and not being able to ‘break down’ if I need to…That’s always been the bane of my existence. Which is why I wish I could find something on line, writing…even technical manuals. I NEED to pay these bills. If I can’t keep us afloat, we are out $500 in deposits, plus whatever we already owe, and…damn it, I’ve kept this kid housed and cared for 9 years. It ain’t right that being forced to move and this ‘here it is, now it’s gone’ child support from the donor is going to do us in. I really don’t want to have to go couch surf at the mercy of my mom’s roommate, think I’d rather live at the church shelter, I’d trust them more not to throw me out if there was some sort of argument.

I have heard nothing from the clinic director. Makes me wonder if that hospital guy even forwarded it to her. Or if he did, maybe she paid it no mind. I know one thing, either way. I will NOT be seeing that psych nurse again. I’ve agonized over the whole thing and maybe I’m not always right, maybe I operate from irrational emotion, but when someone makes you this uneasy for months on end…I have every right to call it a bad fit and ask for another size. They aren’t going to gaslight me into thinking otherwise.

I am freezing today. It went from the fifties down to 20. Sun peeks out, goes away, so it’s not warming the house any. About the only thing I can claim with any pride is that I got my kid and myself bathed last night. Woohoo! Now I think I am going to put on a second layer of pants cos my legs are so cold they are going numb.

And much as I am loathe to do this, I am gonna ask for any kind soul who is of a mind and ability to do so…please consider helping us out. I am deadly serious about offering up my writing services to ‘earn’ our keep. This isn’t just for me, this is for a 9 year old who cannot be blamed for a deadbeat father and an unstable mother who burned every employer bridge prior to her even being born. I am trying to make amends and start fresh, but someone’s gotta be willing to give me a chance.

I mean, if some stranger can shell out thousands for R Kelly’s bail, then help him pay over a 100k in past due child support all the while the accusations of sex abuse fly…

I can assure you that while no candidate for sainthood, I have no sexual charges pending. Maybe if I did I could get hired to at least be president.


Posted in working with disabilities with tags , , , , on March 8, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

Yes, I am afraid it truly has come to this level of desperation.

If anyone out there can help me find a work from home position so that I can work within my disability limitations, or if you know someone who may know someone who might be able to help…PLEASE reach out.

I am bright, a hard worker when left to my own pace, and I am willing to work my way up and learn whatever is necessary to do said job. I just want to support my child and I cannot catch a break in this rural town, not that I’ve performed well with the available jobs here. I have a severe panic disorder and chemical imbalance and those jobs have proven too difficult to overcome. I am still willing to TRY.

This is a desperate cry for help, ideas, even help getting a foot in a virtual door.

All I can promise is that I will try my hardest and do my best because keeping my child sheltered and fed are not optional, they are necessity. If I am willing to do the work, why should I not be given an opportunity? Helping a disabled person rejoin the workforce not only helps the system by letting us earn our own keep, it also helps raise our self confidence and with disabilities, you do not know how much this means.

Freelance writing, virtual assistant, phone representative, editing, proofreading, I will do whatever it takes to support my daughter as I am doing it completely alone in spite of a court order for support. I am trying and I am prepared to try even harder.

I just need to someone to reach out and be willing to give me a chance.