Archive for the random acts of kindness Category

How Random Acts Of Kindness Have Enriched My Life

Posted in mental health, random acts of kindness with tags , , , , , , , on October 3, 2018 by morgueticiaatoms

I spend a lot of time talking about how my life has been kind of crappy as I never seem to fit in anywhere and my social skills are instead social ills thus I have a hard time-even on line-befriending people and it’s often mistaken for apathy or disinterest or snobbiness. I’m not going to cover the times my family and friends have come to my aide because, well, that’s just how that stuff works and it doesn’t lessen my gratitude one bit. But what stands out in my mind are the random acts of kindness and gestures that have been extended to me by people who I don’t know or people I never even shared a phone call with let alone met face to face.

In high school, I was a metalhead in a rural area where jeans and flannel were the norm. I did not fare well. I was a freak and picked on relentlessly. Even though the random act was preceded by the guidance counselor arranging a meet with one of my tormentors…After a couple of lunches spent together during which she drove us to get fast food…we chatted. And she apologized for making fun of me and apologized for how awful her friends had been to me. She confided that she and her friends really were jealous of me for having the courage to be myself even when it meant my life was a misery of tormenting. She said she admired me for having the guts to do my own thing. And while the torment didn’t entirely end cos the stoners were still in play…Julie and her clique stopped tormenting me. We weren’t besties but she set her friends straight on leaving me alone. Never forgot that.

I ran away from home when I was 16 and landed in Hollywood, CA. It wasn’t thought out long term and within 3 weeks I was out of cash and out of a place to stay. A nice young woman named Nina let me crash in her motel room (we met at that motel where I was staying) and she introduced me to sharing apple pie. I hate pie filling but like buttery crusts so we’d watch cable shows and she’d eat the pie filling and I’d eat the flaky crust. Imagine me, bumpkin from Hellhole, midwest, rooming with a girl who…got paid to get on dates with men. I freaked out when she invaded my diary and called my parents thus setting into motion the whole ‘return the delinquent runaway teenager home’ process and I never wanted to go back to Hellhole…But she said it was different for her because her family never came looking for her and mine never stopped trying to find me, I had a place to go home to where people cared. She was protecting me from her fate. I could have been raped or murdered and was basically homeless and starving until her act of kindness and protection.

At that same hotel in Hollywood a heroin user named Jack was concerned about a young girl all alone exploring the streets so he taught me some self defense moves. Asked for nothing in return, took me to a place he knew the people were kind and would watch over me when hanging out. I spent 3 weeks in Hollywood and more people who didn’t even know me were kind than all the people I’d known for years in Hellhole. Being a misfit really skews your view of people until you’re proven wrong. It’s just so rarely you’re proven wrong.

One year I was stuck working at a gas station which was soo stressful and people were stopping in wearing their concert gear, reminding me Ozzy Osbourne was playing two nights away and I couldn’t be there. I said that to one kid and he took off his chain and leather wristband and gave it to me as a consolation gift for a fellow metalhead. A teenager being nice to a woman nearing her thirties really did impress me.

10 years ago when stranded in San Diego (I love California but it’s so expensive I can never seem to stay there), my uncle bought me a bus ticket home and wired some cash…and I lost my wallet. I had no money, no ID, an empty plastic water bill, and my phone battery was dying so I had to limit even calls to let my family know I was okay. It took 3 days to get home. A kind woman traveling with a toddler boy saw me sitting at every stop nursing the water I filled my bottle with from free fountains and asked why I never ate. I explained my situation and even though she had a small kid to think about first…from then on, every stop the bus made, she gave me a package of cheese and crackers just so I didn’t have to go hungry completely. What a wonderful mom that boy has.

When I was pregnant with Spook and couldn’t take meds, I was a hormonal bipolar depressive monster trainwreck. I was also terrified and the donor was always working so I felt so overwhelmed and alone. The OB’s nurse, who didn’t know me from Adam, started taking an interest in me with each appointment. She went out of her way to make sure I was calm, didn’t feel so alone, and when I started to spin out and say, “Oh, no, I can’t be a mom, I am going be an awful mom!” She would reassure me that I would be a great mom and if I needed help, she gave me her personal phone number and said to call her anytime. When I hit the third trimester and was close to suicidal she is the one lobbied with the OB to ignore the shrink’s refusal to minimally medicate me and I was at least given an anti depressant and Xanax to ensure by the time Spook was born three weeks later…I was in a mental state where I could care for her. Thanks, Jeanine.

Tyler, a friend I met in a depression chat room eons ago, used to send me bunches of snail mail letters, even when he was broken down and in the psych hospital.He was a great artist and sent me his drawings. He turned me onto the amazing music of Wednesday 13 and even sent me a t-shirt. I don’t know what happened to him, he vanished off line but I hope he is living his happily ever after. I love that boy even now, though he’s no longer an 18 year old calling me his mom and cyber braiding my hair in a chat room.

Bex. Another net friend who vanished and I hope is living happily ever after. She sent me candy from Britain and letters and she visited me and Spook and..we just love her. She’s as much part of our family as we are.

Heather, another net friend, helped me get school stuff for Spook one year and when my laptop died…she sent me a new used one so I could keep blogging. She, too, vanished, but again…hoping it’s just a case of stabilized mental issues and moving on with life. I hold no grudges, just miss them and hold their memory close.

I could get Carpal tunnel mentioning every small act of kindness from people I’ve chatted with on line and I don’t mean to diminish their importance but I am going to have to give a blanket thank you to the kind soul who paid the power company back in 2007 so I didn’t get turned off, and my late friend, Kathy, who sent me packages of clothes when I had nothing that fit and she paid for my internet for a month when I couldn’t and she paid for six of us when msn chat went pay so we could stay together…She passed away and I’ve never stopped missing her.

Mr. Mumple. He bought us pizza over the summer even though we don’t even live in the same state. He sent my kid a birthday card that made her laugh. He has always been amazing to us and he makes me laugh.

Andrew…how I miss you, cabana boy. You’ve been our only donation this time around and I haven’t even gotten an email in eons. That gesture means the world to me and Spook. Over the years you have been generous and giving to a fault and I only hope a public expression of gratitude can give you some idea of how thankful we are to you. Even that year you gave me the e gift card to buy Spook her Elsa costume thus ensuring another month of hearing the song “Let It Go.” 😉

Shanna, who sent me this amazing beauty of gore coloring book and some other stuff just to cheer me up at a bad time.

Sass, who doesn’t blog much anymore but we text from time to time to share single mom and mental experiences and of course, warped humor. Just talked to her last Saturday by text. Your kind words mean the world to me, lady. She wrote this for me on her blog when I was close to the edge of breaking into a thousand shards this year.

Diane, Leslie, Tessa, Bob L, manyofus, to everyone who bothers to click like or comment…thank you for those random acts of kindness.

And the most recent act of random kindness from a person I’ve actually met…the manager out our only minimart gives me credit to buy milk and such for Spook when I can’t get to town or don’t have any cash. He doesn’t know anything about me except we come in there a lot and half my family lives in town. He’s just a very nice man and I am thankful for that kindness.

I hate people. I really do. On a grand sheeple scale. Individuals I gauge based on if they are kind to me, as well as others. All those who made kind gestures to me and my child over the years helped keep me from losing total faith in humanity and my heart turning to stone.

We are thankful to everyone, listed or not listed here for every kind word and deed. We believe in karma and try to pay it forward any chance we get. At this moment, though, the only way I can pay it forward is in words and hopefully, those still count for something.

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