Archive for the psychiatric care Category

Life In The Rural Hellmouth:Inept Psych Care Curse

Posted in mental illness, psychiatric care, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on May 8, 2019 by morgueticiaatoms

This will come as no shock but….I am aggravated again.

Since I started seeing the noob psych nurse and the center has been under the iron fist of the benzo nazi, it has been nothing but trouble. Trouble getting meds refilled in a timely manner, trouble with the nurse who keeps her back to me the entire appointment, trouble with calling them about my med issues or needing to ask the nurse something about my ongoing care and being told pretty much every time that she’s out of the office for the next 2 days. WHEN DOES THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY WORK????

It has become so maddening and such a hassle, if I weren’t so convinced that my mental disorders are legit, I’d probably say screw that place and just stop going and stop all meds and take up booze or smoking dope. For over two years this place has tortured me with their staff issues, their inability to prescribe much needed meds at proper doses, the ineffectual way in which they process refills, the unavailability of the nurse practitioner any time I have a problem I need to discuss with her. It’s become one of those things in life that heighten my anxiety and make me more angry and aggravated.

That is the thing with small town life in the midwest with crap insurance. Your options are very limited, almost nil, so you go where you can get in and you take whatever crap treatment they dole out to you and well, some would say, be grateful to even have crappy care, some people don’t have that much…But that isn’t me. This place is making my conditions worse with its ineptitide and hell yeah, I am gonna point out that fact and raise some hell about it. Not that it does much good. I talked to the clinic director and my nurse only did one appointment before reverting back to well, having her back to me the whole appointment, making no eye contact, asking few questions, and offering zero empathy or encouragement.

The only thing worse than being silent on the outside but screaming inside…except to be screaming aloud and still be totally dismissed. If we got this treatment from a general doc, we’d be encouraged to find a doc who is a better fit to our needs. But if you have mental health issues, any umbrage you take at their inept treatment is obviously your mental issues, your personality issues. You just lack the luxury of standing up for yourself with any dignity.

It took 2 days for the office to call me back because I reported to them Monday that the Abilify has me awake 21 hours a day, I am literally too hopped up to sleep even with trazadone. They call back today and tell me to increase my melatonin from 6mg to 10 mg. Because sure, I have the money to do that after paying everything…But three days I had to wait for a reply. What if it had been an emergency?

Oh, right, then you are told to immediately go to the hospital ER. Only if you aren’t actually dying or something, then they treat you like a hypochondriac who abuses the privilege of health insurance to pay for silly trips to the ER.

I have become so accustomed throughout my  life to being invalidated at every turn, by family, friends, employers, perfect strangers…And doctors. The general docs I blew off because they get bonuses or something for bitching at you if you’re a pound overweight or drink a pina colada once a year or smoke a few cigarettes when stressed out.

Psych practitioners don’t get that inducement so why exactly are they so harsh, so inept, and just so utterly demeaning toward patients like me?

It would be interesting to find out IF I had better insurance, would it result in them treating me better and being more interested in my progress and side effects?

Sadly, I already know the answer. My first marriage gave me awesome health insurance and psych care. After that divorce, I eventually got an assistant manager job that included good insurance and psych coverage.

It didn’t change a damn thing. Because the good doctors don’t come to Bumfuck, midwest, to ply their trade. We get stuck with what are likely the C students who couldn’t score a gig at a prestigious city hospital.

I am just so sick of it. These people become doctors to make a living, sure, but also, they’re supposed to give a damn about their chosen field and the patients they treat, no matter if their insurance is craptastic or amazing.  The C students give zero fucks.

Which is making me give less of a damn about my own care and improvement because hey, if they can’t be arsed to care while being paid to do so, then I got no motivation to care about myself. I get no renumeration living in this shithole mind, I am just a prisoner here, in the hellmouth of fucked up brains.

And trapped in the hellmouth of non stellar rural mental healthcare.