Archive for the animal lovers Category

In Honor of Abby and Arsenic- PLEASE SIGN MY PETITION

Posted in animal lovers with tags , , , on September 5, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

I have started a petition to draw attention to the high cost of flea treatment for pets, aiming it at the CEO of Merial, the makers of Frontline. I have been so touched by everyone who so generously donated money, time, Facebook shares, Tweets, in my efforts to save Abby-Cat. Please take the time so sign my petition so no others pets have to suffer and no more owners have to have their hearts broken. Size of bank account is NOT the size of our love for our pets.

$21 a tube for Frontline, especially for multiple pet families, is outrageous. While I waited for my check so I could treat my animals, Abby got an abscess from one bite which poisoned her until she passed on. Arsenic was so young his immune system just couldn’t hold off til the money went into the bank.

My pets are now treated, due in part to a small portion leftover from Abby’s fund and me cutting some corners in my budget. I had to treat four cats, which is $84. That’s two weeks of groceries for me and my kid. I shouldn’t have to choose between feeding her or caring for my cats. No one should.

I can’t bring my beloved kitties back but I still have a voice and it is in their memory and honor I plan to use it. Please speak up with me.




The Abby Cat Fund: Most Recent Update

Posted in animal lovers, biolar disorder with tags , , , , on September 4, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

No real rant tonight, folks. It’s been 95 degrees today, I am hot and cranky and heartbroken.The current gofundme update on Abby is here.  Thanks to all who have been donating, passing it on, and being really decent to us. It means a lot.

Abby is still in critical condition.Arsenic did not make it, he passed away around 7 p.m. tonight after a valiant fight.   My father stopped by to berate me, telling me I am making my child live in poverty, and pretty much pushed me to the brink after dealing with that vet then losing Arsenic and knowing Abby is touch and go. Rather than deal with it all…I am gonna cryptify and grieve for Arsenic. My cats are far more humane than the idgets called family.

Go gently into that goodnight, my Arsenickers, and find peace knowing you were so loved and always will be….I am so sorry I failed you, Baby.


My beautiful picture

How Does Life Suck…Let Me Count The Ways

Posted in animal lovers, anxiety disorders, biolar disorder with tags , , , , , on September 3, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

09-02-15_Abby at vetFundraiser for Abby’s vet costs still going.

So, yeah, no sunshine spewage here. This is a pure raw sewage suckage assfuckery ride on the double decker suck bus.And no apologies because sometimes things just plain suck and hurt.

After a long fitful night of giving Arsenic vitamins and trying to keep him comfortable while my kid kept waking up and I kept having coughing fits due to sinus drainage…Arsenic is barely holding on this morning. That’s how my day started out. (Guess you know the vet won’t take on another cat from me so this is agonizing.)

Then I stopped at the vet’s to inquire about Abby. The vet came to talk to me. He said Abby had a rough night and they had been afraid she wouldn’t make it. I was upset already about Arsenic and this put me into tears since yesterday I was given the opposite news. In true human nature, he told me taking care of her was going get cost prohibitive because I brought her in in such bad condition. I mentioned how I tried to get her in five days ago before the abscess even ruptured and he lectured me about my lack of income, my bad credit, a charge off from years ago at their clinic (never mind I came back, after the fact, and paid the whole thing, nope, I’m a credit risk, which is fair enough, but kicking a crying woman like that with financial shit is low.) He suggested I sign her away so she could be fully treated and given to a “better” home. Then he mentioned euthanasia since I can’t afford treatment. Every time a doctor suggests that and I don’t bow down, I feel like a monster, like I am selfish to make her suffer for my own needs. Yet if a parent gives up on a sick child, that’s reprehensible, wtf.

The water works kicked up ten notches when he lectured me on pet ownership being a responsibility, including medical costs, and perhaps I should not have pets if I can’t afford that. He’s damned lucky I am pms-y teary hormonal and not in the rage cycle or I might have hit him with my purse. My big cats are healthy as a team of oxen in spite of the flea epidemic. The fleas are taking out kittens without the adult immune system. My cat has one in as bad a shape as Abby and she has  20 other cats- yes, 20- and the vet she found (she can afford to drive out of town) hasn’t lectured her this way or given up on her kitty. To say I am livid is an understatement. I know that vet was trying to guilt me. Give her a new home, my ass. Second I sign the papers, they’d put her down. LIES.

It’s not gonna happen. Abby is fighting and I am gonna keep fighting. I have conceded defeat enough on all my sick cats. This time…I gotta try. Maybe it makes me selfish and maybe I am a low life for being a beggar and having a fundme campaign.  I just know how much we love Abby and she’s shown this much strength and courage…I’m not giving up until I absolutely have to. I repaid R for the money he put down and they still have his card on file, he seems willing to keep fronting the money for her care, to a certain point, as long as I can pay him back. So if she’s got fight in her…I’m fighting for her. Dammit, they let me see her for ten seconds this morning as she was mid treatment and she purred under my touch and stared up at me and…I can’t give up. I can’t. I won’t. If whatever deity exists deems it her time to go, fine. But if she’s fighting..I am fighting. Besides. We don’t give up treating humans when it’s cost prohibitive and they may not live. No, euthanasia is wrong for humans yet the go to for pets. And it’s not fucking right.

He made it clear even if she does survive and get stronger I can’t bring her home til my other cats and home have been treated for fleas. I have flea bombs but the $21 each for Frontline for four cats…Damn. This doctor is an ass. I am betting wealthy people don’t get treated that way. Bet he’d want to take my kid away because I am broke and unfit.

I hate people. I love people. Actually, it’s not that complex. I LOVE human kindness, creativity, humor, loyalty. I fucking loathe assholes. Relocate me to a place where the good outnumber the assholes, my attitude might improve.

So that’s been my morning, and it’s only 10 am-ish. I  put up a flyer for the fund at the gas station this morning. I even got the email addy of a cashier I know and she’s active on Facebook so she is going to pass it on. For me to open myself up this way to people, who scared the shit out of me, has to speak volumes as to how much Abby is loved. I’m not making it about me (except being offended by the foul attitude toward my limited income). I’ll rip out my still beating heart for her at this point. My life has become a cesspool of depression and anxiety and so much has just slipped through my fingers.; Some days, I can’t even remember if I made sure my kid had her shoes on when I dropped her off. I’m a trainwreck and it just keeps piling up. Which I suppose is the balance because I had a few months were things were calm-ish and I was just drowning in my normal depression and anxiety. Throwing all this on top, though, has really broken me down. Though I wonder if I’d be this weepy and fragile if it weren’t horrormonal pre-game.

I think the worst part of it all is, the nurse I spoke to yesterday gave me one report, then another one gives me the complete opposite. Making my joy and elation deflate like a balloon pricked with a damned foot long needle. FACTS, people. Get your shit straight before giving false hope. And stop making me feel monstrous. There are people training animals to fight to the death, people starving their pets. My biggest crime is being poor and having shit credit. I’m obviously the leader of the satanic pegacorn brigade, out to destroy sweet kitties with my sin of poverty.

Ass trash.

I got that new Safelink phone. Spent an hour on hold waiting for a live operator yesterday.Got one with this squeaky accented voice I couldn’t understand. My kid decided to have a screaming mimi then and there when I finally got a person. The woman took forever setting up my phone. And I gotta call them back today because they said I had to make a call to activate it…yet it won’t let me make a call because it’s not activated. What the fuck? Another hour on the phone? Fuck. And I tried their callback service. I got my callback. And the bitch hung up on me. I hadn’t said anything but hello.

About the only things that have been remotely positive is the fundraiser at least netting enough for my to repay R. I don’t know what to do about the rest, but if he’s willing to go so much as long as I repay it…I’ll figure it out even if worrying gives me an(other) ulcer. He even let me off for the thirty bucks I owed him for cat food, gas, and that new phone. (Yeah, the phone was under eight bucks with shipping, so not like it was that pricey.) I am learning a new appreciation for his friendship. I still can’t stand the fact that I’ve listened to him prattle on for hours this week about his fight de jour with the missus yet I try to talk about my shit and he just shuts me down and starts on his own shit again. That’s completely shitty but not exclusive to him. He’s been a good friend. Of course, I’ve been an amazing ex girlfriend, considering his sole reason for breaking up with me was my mood swings. Cos I totally asked to be bipolar, it’s awesome. Call it a draw,we’re both awesomely flawed.

I’m taking him lunch today as a thank you. Not that I remotely want to be around anyone because I can’t seem to turn off the waterworks for more than a couple of minutes at a time and the sinus shit is miserable. (Yet I think of poor Abby and wanna slap myself for complaining.)

I drew up some papers I am gonna drop at the superintendent’s office regarding the bus situation. I tried to let it go, but when my stomach churns daily to the point of throwing up because of the gridlock pick up…Yeah, I want an explanation, I am due that much, considering Mapquest declares both routes over the 1.5 mile requirement. I tossed in the word “discriminatory” because I’m just that irked.

Oh, to irk me further…The child support paperwork came back to me. Not as in returned, but mailed back the exact same papers to fill out again. This is their idea of efficiency? No wonder this state is fucking broke. GRRRR.

I’m sure I could rant some more but I’m not gonna. I am gonna make up a flyer for Abby’s fund and print a few out at the shop. Lots of places in town have corkboards for people to place ads and business cards. I’m not done fighting for Abby by a long shot. Though I wonder if that evil fuck of a doctor won’t euthanize her and tell me she died because he’s afraid of not getting his precious money. If she comes out of there ok…I am soo changing doctors even if I have to sell plasma for gas money to get there.

Anyway…That is all.


Deflated, Defeated, and Disgusted

Posted in animal lovers, anxiety disorders, biolar disorder with tags , , , , on September 3, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

Days like today serve to remind me why I so loathe and reject the sunshine spewers. That way may work for them but the instant I let myself feel joy, relief, like there was hope…

I get smacked down with a whole new plethora of issues.

I was on cloud nine after hearing Abby had survived the night and was responding well to treatment. I even put on eyeliner, because after a sleepless night bawling and bargaining my life for hers with a God I don’t even believe in because I’ve been offered so little to even spawn a modicum of faith…It felt like for once my prayers had been answered.

I waited and waited for three hours for the promised call from the vet’s office. My panic was paralyzing, figuring if they hadn’t called, it must be bad news. I wanna know. I can’t stand to know. Back and forth. I finally broke down (good thing cos the doctor wasn’t even in today to call me as promised and the office staff didn’t even think to do it, ffs.) Hearing good news and that my balance was within what I could repay to R…I was ecstatic and ready to punch myself for being so negative…

THEN I went to see Abby at lunch. They let me hold her, walk around, talk to her. I was so happy, so filled with love and joy and relief…She looks pretty rough and is still weak, but she knew her momma and she purred…

Then came the kick in the gut.

“The doctor plans on keeping her several more days, she needs surgery for the abscess but she’s not strong enough to survive it right now.”

Then came the estimate which is about two and a half times the initial quote and what the fundraiser gathered. I was incensed, because the woman I spoke with this morning said NOTHING of surgery. She told me Abby was healing and the doctor would give a yay or nay on sending her home tomorrow. Now I’m looking at five days of shelter and surgery and…

WHY WHY WHY? If they’d seen her last week when I begged them to it wouldn’t have gotten so bad this was even needed. What the fucking hell motherfuckers?

R said he won’t allow the charges to his card to exceed what I have gathered which means…if I don’t find a way to come up with the full bill, they’re not gonna give my cat back to me. I don’t know how that is even legal, I left the hospital with a human baby and still owing money, ffs.

Just so fucking frustrating to be fed one story then another and never know what the goddamn reality is. I want Abby healthy and home and I thought I’d managed that with so much kindness from others…Now this dickhead doctor, after giving one quote yet knowing the situation was this dire, gives me an even bigger total. Livid doesn’t begin to describe it and frankly, I’m starting to feel like a low life for even doing the fundraiser. Because the vet gives me one quote, then they change it, then they change it again, then they jack it up…And who looks like a flaky asshole? Right, me, the one who simply wants to keep a beloved family member alive. FUCK.

To make matters so much worse…I returned home to find Arsenic has, in less than 18 hours, gone down the drain. This kitten was up and about yesterday, climbing, yowling, stealing food right out of my hand, so bright eyed and alert…And overnight, he’s now knocking on death’s door. (Exactly how it happened with all his siblings, which makes me wonder if it was due to them being a first litter and sibling inbred at that.)  I just don’t get it. I’ve given him vitamin drops, I scrubbed him with Dawn and picked every flea carcass off with tweezers. I’ve done everything to keep this cat alive.

It makes me wonder if this is the balance- Abby lives, Arsenic dies. Voodoo vanishes, Willow returns after three weeks MIA only now she barely wants anything to do with us.

My life is unstable enough without all this shit. I am so sick of opening myself up only to get my heart smashed.

Optimism make work for some people.

For me, it’s like deliberately choosing to walk a tightrope with poor balance and no net. The tiniest thing can tip me over and SPLAT. Today proved that. Beyond doubt. I dared to sing the praises of happiness and shiny things only to have life backhand me with a concrete fist.

Rather than carry on about it anymore…I am ceding defeat. I am exhausted after being up all night worrying about Abby. I feel foolish for ever letting that shiny happy bullshit into my vicinity because it has caused more damage than good. Reality isn’t shiny or happy most of the time.

Bedtime. Fuck it. Arsenic is dying. Abby is alive. And I’m soo financially screwed it ceases to even be par for the course. All because I dared to be optimistic, to have faith, to feel joy. If I’d just kept my healthy cynicism and wariness I wouldn’t be going down this rabbit hole.

Damn it all to hell.

This is the pic I snapped of Abby when I saw her today. I gotta hold onto that much though if the doctor holds her hostage over money…This could well be my breaking point. It ain’t gonna be pretty because this shitty year has rendered me barely human.

09-02-15_Abby at vet

The green is her abscess wound bandage. She looks rough but damn…she’s got spirit. She deserves a better human than me.

Oh, damn it, tears again…Stupid hormones and emotional attachments…Once again, thinking of that ending scene in Heathers…Blow it all the fuck up, light a smoke, and walk away.

Shiny happy, Morgue style.


Posted in animal lovers with tags , , , , , on September 2, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

**** Since I do not do social media outside this blog, it is my sincerest hope that those of you who do and have been helping spread the word about getting our cat Abby help with her vet bill….Repost this update so the kind people who donated know their money has SAVED HER LIFE. I still need another $150 (factoring in the gofundme costs so I don’t end up owing my friend or the doc anything) to cover the second night of hospitalization so they can observe her but…YOU AMAZING PEOPLE SAVED ABBY’S LIFE BY ENABLING HER TO GET THE PRICEY EMERGENT CARE SHE NEEDED! And for those who have apologized for not being able to contribute money…You reached out, you passed on the word, you kept my spirits up and that has a high value to me.

From The Gofundme Save Abby Cat page that I updated this morning yet seems to only go out to email recipients (IDK.)


I just spoke with the vet’s office about Abby. She seems to be doing well after a multitude of treatments. She is eating, purring, more alert- on the mend! They are keeping her an extra night, which brought the bill up a bit, but she has survived when all odds were against her! This little girl has  a  heart the size of Texas and a cast iron will to live!
Thanks to amazing people who donated, I am within one hundred dollars (ish) of covering the entire bill for her life saving care.
So I am going to leave this up a few more days, share share share. See if I can get that extra hundred so I don’t have to get my power turned off to cover it. Once the entire cost is met, the fundraiser will end. Needy, not greedy.
Again, gorgeous Absinthe is on the mend and it’s because of amazing donors who tossed in what they could afford and spread the word on social media and blogs. Everyone has been so kind, so giving, for this little kitty they don’t even know.
Heartfelt thanks to all for donations, passing the word, good thoughts, prayers, and helping me keep my spirits up while waiting to see if she was going to make it.
You people rock!

Please pass on this update as anyone who reached out via Facebook can’t receive updates from me as I don’t do that whole social thing. Thanks a gazillion, I love each and every one of you!

To Hell In A Handbasket…update on Abby cat and the rest

Posted in animal lovers, anxiety disorders, biolar disorder with tags , , , , , , , on September 2, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

The day was going swimmingly…Until I noticed a distinct change in Abby’s behavior. Upon inspection, I discovered maggots under her skin from where the infection had spread. I maintain, whether right or wrong, had they prescribed an anti biotic days ago when I called, she wouldn’t have gotten that bad. I could have scrambled for enough to buy that. But throw in the required visit fee, meds, shots, flea treatment, bringing a bare minimum visit to two hundred plus…What was I supposed to do? Hell, I can’t even get a car title loan because my car blew up, I am driving my mom’s. And not even calling around vet’s offices bawling my eyes out with a kid bawling in the background got a single one to say, “If you can bring in (Fifty or so dollars) we will try to help save Abby and you can make payments.” NOT ONE even in the fucking boondock sticks of bumfuck. NOT ONE DAMNED VET WOULD HELP WITHOUT GETTING THEIR PAYDAY UP FRONT.

So by the time I raised the money to get her in but learned it would take up to 7 days to be deposited to my bank…I knew Abby wouldn’t make it any longer without immediate help. I fell on my sword and begged R to let me use his credit card, proving that I had raised almost $300 (the fundme/wepay thing takes out their fees from the total, which is fair enough) and the vet’s office required him to be present with his credit card and ID, which meant he had to drop the work he was doing to make their cut off time for “emergency after hours” care. But the man who drives me so bonkers with his narcissism was right there to meet us at the clinic, card extended. I don’t even have words, mainly because I’ve been bawling on and off for hours and it’s hard to speak when choking on sinus drainage and tears…

The doctor examined her, clucking his tongue and casting glares at me the whole time, as if I got some sick thrill out of letting things get so bad for Abby. Never mind I called days ago, I called doctor after doctor, begging and pleading and all but offering up my soul and firstborn for them to at least give Abby meds..No, because I am broke I am scum. Same shit, different day. He told me she may not make it, she is very bad off, they will have to shave most of her fur away, go nuclear with the antibotics…He wanted me to say put her down. I did not. She’s fought this long, made it this far, in spite of their money grubbing “I want to help IF you can pay me up front” bullshit. I guess I am old as tree bark cos I remember a time when a vet would see an animal in exchange for a five dollar bill simply because they loved animals…It’s sickening.

They kept her and put a two hundred dollar hold on R’s credit card for the emergent care, exam, and shaving/cleaning/antibiotic. Fully explaining it would be close to $500  IF the damage wasn’t so severe she required an amputation. But whether she makes it or not, they want their money. So if you’re gonna charge me anyway and all these amazing people have reached out to help Abby…Let’s roll the dice. I’d rather say we tried than admit defeat and still be charged an arm, leg, and soul. I get being paid for your time and your skill and work…But making a cat get this sick because the owner is so poor is callous as it gets. Like human doctors who shrug when your insurance runs out. Idgets. Except the law doesn’t require vets to provide a minimum of care to at least get a patient out the door alive.

Suffice it to say, it’s been a pride swallowing choking night. Showing myself, 42 years old and bawling like a snotty nose tear streaked infant to R, the vet, the staff- I know I looked ridiculous but I didn’t give a fuck. This shit hurts. Abby is family. And ya know, if vet care were made more affordable, it wouldn’t have to be this way. I’ve never left an outstanding bill with any vet I’ve taken my pets too over the last 26 years, one would think it would earn me a certain amount of credit. But nooo, Abby has to be knocking on heaven’s door and I have to grove before a friend with a lot of his own financial stresses…Oddly, a few days ago before I started the gofund me thing, he wouldn’t even consider eighty bucks for the visit and meds. Seeing I had the money coming to repay changed everything. I guess that’s how we as people are. Just heart breaking Absinthe was the one to suffer. She’s soo very sweet and such a tough lil girl.

(Yes, I am aware I am rambling about my cat, leave if it bugs you.)

The coupe de grace was when we stopped at the gas station on the way home. Some woman was standing in front of the door yapping and I opened it, said excuse me, and she practically yells, “Fucking bitch get out of my way!” Mind you my tears are barely dried and I have my kid right there with me. Unfortunately, once she left, the cashier told me I hadn’t done a damned thing wrong, that lady was just a jerk for while in there, she had cursed the cashier the same way, as well as a woman using a walker. And I just said, “What is wrong with the people in this town? I’ve been to Los Angeles, San Diego, Baltimore- no one’s ever been as nasty as the people here are.” And the ladies there agreed with me. It was just so…unnecessary. Proof I am not making this shit up, it’s not some affectation due my low self esteem. People here truly are reprehensible.

It’s bittersweet, after seeing how many amazing people are out there, contributing when they can, passing on the word, trying whatever they are able to in order to help Abby…Yet they haven’t even met us. Yet here I’ve lived twenty plus years and a simple outing to the store results in being treated so rudely. I just don’t get it but it surely shows where my misanthropy was born. There’s just never any excuse for anyone to act that way without provocation.

When we got home, Spook started acting like an ass, purposely defying me. Stepmonster and my sister both called while I was gone. R texted to let me know my new safelink phone he ordered for me had come in…I was just so defeated by it all, I was no longer chomping at the bit to go fetch it.

The day had promise.

And then I find myself asking, “Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket and why does my innocent sweet kitten get punished and me vilified for being broke when I try hard as I can?”

I just don’t get it. Much like not being able to eat tonight, I doubt I will be able to get any sleep either. Abby is on my mind and all I can do is pray she is comfortable there and not too scared and lonely but not so sick she is oblivious.

Thanks to all who have helped in whatever way.

Now I am gonna go cry some more. Because if anything in life is worthy of tears it is this sweet kitty and the occasionally sweet little girl who loves her like I do.

My beautiful picture

Spook and Abby, 3 p.m. 9/1/15


Urgent Update: Save Abby Cat Gofundme

Posted in animal lovers with tags on September 2, 2015 by morgueticiaatoms

Things have changed, drastically, and for the absolute worse. I have had to raise my goal to $700 after rushing Abby in to the emergency clinic. They are keeping her which raises the bill drastically.  This is my gofundme update, please, please, pass this around as much as you can. I am now indebted to a friend and I really have to raise the funds now that the vet has jacked up the bill. I will provide a receipt when I can access the scanner…

URGENT UPDATE: Abby took a turn for the worse today, quite abruptly, when I noticed infection had turned into maggots under her skin. I called every vet in and out of town, all of them wanting payment up front, minimum $200. I was bawling, my kid was bawling, as I tried to explain the goal had been met, I just needed two to four days for the money donated to come through. Still, the vets refused.
In a panic, knowing Abby might not make it through the night, I turned to a very close, old friend with financial burdens of his own and begged him to let me use his credit card to get Abby into the doctor. He agreed, even though they insisted he be present to show his ID along with the credit card and caused him to leave work. Seeing the money had been raised he agreed, literally dropping everything to meet us there.
The doctor was disgusted with Abby’s state and took an attitude, as if my poverty made me some sort of monster for her condition. I was bawling and this judgment and tongue clucking did not help. I wanted her to be seen days ago, they are the greed mongers insisting hundreds up front, so I was upset and insulted. Still, when he hinted that she may not make it…I told him everyone had donated to HELP her so do his best. If it doesn’t work, so be it, but we have to TRY to save this little kitty.
They charged two hundred up front to my friend’s card. After fees, I have $272 coming from here. The doctor’s estimate, since Abby’s condition was far worse than anticipated, says the bill is going to be at least $500 plus I have to have all my other cats treated for fleas. He thinks the abscess was caused by a flea bite. This brings the total up to almost $700 because the flea treatment is $21 each and we have four other cats inside.
This means I need to raise my goal to another $400, much as it humiliates me to do so. I’m just trying to do the right thing and it would have never gotten this far if any of the vets would have behaved reasonably and treated her before it got this bad.
The picture above was taken today two hours before we took Abby to the emergency clinic( extra cost), Abby with my daughter.
For those who have contributed and or/spread the word, sincerest thanks from the bottom of our hearts. Please keep spreading the word as Abby is not out of the woods by a long shot. I just want to do right by my kitty and I feel like I am being punished for being disabled and having limited income. It’s about her, not me, and my issues should not have prevented her from receiving care this long.
Thanks to everyone for caring.