Bright Spot In Mommyland

In the post prior to this one, I lamented how much my 10 year old has changed and pulled away from me as the puberty process has begun.

Tonight, however, she spent an hour in my room with me watching TV and snuggling and telling jokes. 🙂

It hit me a little after she did finally go to bed (oh the noise is gone, that is sooo much better for my nerves) that I dropped the ball and did not give her the ADHD meds today so of course, she was wound for sound and less aloof. Ooops. But I often don’t give them to her on the weekends, either, because she does not like the way they make her feel. If anyone can understand and respect that ‘film’ medication can put over your brain (thus feeling like your entire personality has been mooshed down),it is me. I figure on weekends she is with me and I am just accustomed to how hyper and talkative and shrill and busy she is. If she feels better without the pills, then I am not gonna force her to take them at home. It may be necessity for her to be medicated for the school environment but at home…It is my discretion.

Today it was just lack of proper sleep and our routine being thrown off by the canceled school day.

But for awhile I had my little girl back and enjoyed it. Unfortunately, the shrill noise does wear me down so her bedtime meant my ears could stop with the cringe-sensation. And it’s not specific to her, it’s ALL shrill noise. Noise is a trigger for anxiety.

Least I can go to bed knowing I am not totally unneeded or unwanted by my kid.

I’m gonna call it a bright spot.

Finding those bright spots amidst a black depression isn’t as easy as one might think.

Now my head is starting to hurt and school is on for tomorrow so with my belly fed properly for the first time in 2 days…I am going to retire to Fort Blankie and Hell’s Kitchen.

Though all the competition and backstabbing kind of triggers my panic receptors so I may change the channel. I do prefer Kitchen Nightmares. The chef/cook people on Hell’s Kitchen are cut throat motherfuckers and I find it difficult to feel bad when he cusses them. Though I think focusing the verbal abuse on their appearance is really childish.

One need not be thin or fat, short haired, long haired, female, male.

Being an asshole is pretty much universal so if you can’t work with a shit personality and have to focus on them being overweight or short or whatever…

Just makes him look like a petty bully.

But I am also not competetive and I can’t stand cooking so of course I have a panicked reaction to competition and loudly screamed insults.

A table of sumo wrestlers…hmm…Ok, this could be interesting.

But I go to meet Mr. Sandman knowing my little girl isn’t entirely gone and still wants to hug her mom and that gives me warm fuzzies. It’s 1 degree out, I am gonna need them.

8 Responses to “Bright Spot In Mommyland”

  1. That’s a great feeling isn’t — just having your kids all snuggled in and chatting away.

    Glad you’ve finally eaten something — remember you need your strength – says me who ate nothing for 6 months plus. So I understand how sometimes we just can’t eat. However, I think I’ve got the opposite now and can’t stop eating! And what with not being able to exercise, it’s starting to show. I’m bigger than I ever have been – apart from pregnancy.

    I love Gordon Ramsey too but like you say, the constant swearing and shouting make me jumpy, so I have to switch over. I can’t stand people shouting, raising their voices — I had it all my young life, so I really don’t need it now. Unfortunately, when I’m not feeling great, noise seems to be amplified.

  2. It’s such a great feeling when your kid wants to spend some time with you no matter how old they become. I am very very patient in general and have high tolerance except for the high pitched shrill voice.

  3. The Cactus is always cold and aloof with me
    I try to reach out, talk to it and attempt to communicate but nothing
    We tried therapy and pills but the Cactus refuses to take medication and the pills merely go soggy and horrible when I water it, in therapy it silently judges me when I talk of how cold and distant it is
    I would split with the Cactus but we need each other, I think?
    And in the end we are both prickly, depressing and unwanted!!

    PS; Children are like cats, but actually need you and when they don’t need you, they will still come home and raid the kitchen whilst moaning about stuff, as you tell them they need to eat better and get more sleep
    So know that you’ll be drying her eyes and saying “he is a dickhead, now lets graffiti his photo and post it around town” or giving her a pep talk and saying “It’ll be fine, I mean how bad can it be if you can live with me!”

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