Feeling Corpse-y

So my plan to go to bed early last night out of sheer exhaustion did not come to fruition. Like an idiot, I texted R and asked if he had time to come over for a visit. I was exhausted and I have no idea why I did that, I didn’t even want drinks. I also have become so accustomed to him either ignoring my texts or “I’m too busy”. How was I to know that ONE time in a million he’d be amenable. So I had to plaster on the social face even though I was piled on blankets on the loveseat and kinda hoping he’d cancel so I could just zonk out.

By 9:30 he was 5 beers in (the tall boys) and I did not feel comfortable with him driving back to town so I insisted he stay here on the couch and I vowed I would indeed get him up by 5:30 even if I had to drag him out and kick his ass out the door.

I don’t sleep well when others are here. Exhausted as I was, I was still awake until midnight. His snoring all the way from the other room over my TV was a big distraction and reminded me why I adore being single and not having roommates. I have zero tolerance for distractions to my already insomnia plagued sleep issues. But if he had gotten a DUI or in a wreck, I would have never forgiven myself. Having him stay after that many beers seemed the responsible safe thing to do.

I eventually slept but kept waking to see the clock and hoping I didn’t fuck up my alarm and cause him to be late for work. By 5:10 I just said fuck it and got up.

Sent him off. Thought I could get an hour long power nap in but scumbag brain was having none of it. So I started looking online at wish.com. My nephew and his wife are expecting a baby girl in July and I have gone into great auntie mode, looking at funny onesies and frilly lil things for babies. I can only afford to window shop but some of the pictures are just a hoot, anyway. I am SO getting the one, eventually that says, “Watch what you say to me, my grandma is crazy and I am not afraid to tell on you.” Omg, does that fit my mom like a glass slipper. Sucky thing about wish.com is that it takes 3-6 weeks to ship from China. BEST thing about wish is the crazy low pricdes. I don’t think any of the onesies cost over $5 with shipping.

I got my kid up and off but I forgot to give her her pill then she forgot her saxophone and it’s just like, I have got to get some more rest, I am basically in corpse territory. Melatonin on board and hoping for a nap soon. I did the mountain of dishes finally last night so that is one stressor off my plate. Vaccuming and all can wait. This living dead girl needs sleep.

I started my Cymbalta back up and am noticing a little burst of hypomania. Probably should have eased back on 60mg a few days then introduced the 30mg later on but I went two weeks unmedication with it, withdrawal sucked, and my dark mind space turned darker than black. So back on the meds and now…

I wait for that bastard Mr. Sandman to visit me. I think 5 hours of sleep in 2 days has at least earned me a couple hours of naptime. Pegacorn willing.

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