Jitter-bugs

My kid has a shrink appointment at 3 today. It’s HER appointment, but I am the one having some sort of massive anxiety attack waiting for it to be over. This includes excess sweating, paranoia, and a burning stomach ache.

Because my reality is so sucky in this regard…

I started watching The Walking Dead from season one. I tried it once before but the first 20 minutes bored me into a coma. This time I gave it a chance to get to the point-survivors fighting the zombie apocalypse. Where it’s no longer racial or political or consumerism or rich or poor…

Just survival.

I know some may find it hard to believe, but I actually find these doomsday type scenarios calming. Takes me out of my own head for a bit.

And honestly, some days I would rather face a mob of crazed flesh hungry zombies than deal with the depression, the anxiety, and the panic, all of which limit every damn thing I do, right down to what I can enjoy watching on TV or whatever.

I might be one of the first zombie TV dinners, but I’d have a Z Hacker, for sures, and I’d go down righting with a rebel yell.

Doesn’t matter if it’s zombies, vampires, werewolves, catastrophic weather events, ebola and such outbreaks…The ‘pull together for the greater good’ message is what soothes me.

I am starting to get into Walking Dead, though the scene with the zombies eating that poor horse really stirred up my issues. I know the disclaimers, no animals were harmed during the filming of this, but still…Poor horsey.

I will just be glad to get this appointment over with. It is so awkward because Spook clams up and barely talks to the doctor and elbows me to do all the talking. Which makes me feel like some domineering mother who won’t let her kid speak up and I WANT her to speak up. But much as she may hate taking the pills, the teacher has noticed a great difference in her behavior at school and with her focus and temperement, so she’s gonna have to suck it up on this one. The meds help, enough said.

Now can we just get on with it so I can be done with it?

My palms are sweaty. One more wonderful byproduct of how my anxiety and panic manifest physically.

Oh and of course, there is always the paranoia that the car will break down on the way to town.

And yes, I have taken my ‘chill pills’ but…until this appointment is over…The anxiety is a runaway train. And no matter how long you live with it, it never ever becomes something you get used to and handle with any grace.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.