Not A Happy Camper

Well, we went live with our fundraiser to at least raise gas money so Spook can attend day camp in town on a scholarship and we have not received a single donation. We got one share, and we appreciate it. But seriously, guys, i know I’m always the whiny fundraiser queen but it isn’t for lack of trying. I just got an email closing out my application for a maid at a hotel in town, they filled it. I WAS UP AGAINST 52 OTHER APPLICANTS, and those were just the on line ones, not including people who walked in and filled out paper apps. Not to mention I have never worked as a maid (I barely made it 3 mights as a hotel auditor, but I was working another job full time so I can’t say I was able to give it my all) so it’s pretty obvious with no experience and no current references, I was not getting that job. Much like the camp counselor gig, the home health care gigs, the insurance customer advocate gig…I’m not a hot property, I get it. My applied for and rejected folder is starting to resemble a word file in page numbers.

But I am still trying and I am only asking for marginal help FOR MY KID TO ATTEND CAMP. They feed and snack them, it’s all scholarship. I am just responsible for gas to get her there and pick her up. That’s going to be about 40 miles every day Mon-Fri and if I can’t get her there, then I have to live with the guilt of knowing I let my kid take up the spot some other well deserving child could have had cos their parents live in town and can afford to drive them there. It’s about $38 a week for that many trips to town. If I lived in town, it would not be an issue. But since I have to take her to town, leave her, come home then drive all the way back…God, what a pain in the ass.

What would make more sense if is a funraiser to get us the hell out of Armpit but last year when we had 2 weeks to move and not a dime to do it, we raised $110. I’ve got enough failure going on without inviting more. It brings me down, for sure. I feel like with so many people competing for so few jobs and me not having current references, I am never going to get a job, never going to be able to work and get us out of this hellmouth, away from my dad’s toxicity…And with a job, I might be able to afford a decent damn psychiatrist who’s primary concern would be my well being and not pleasing an authority figure with how few medications being prescribed…

Right now, all I can focus on because I am wiped out is Spook and day camp. She is sooo excited. I told my dad about it and he bitched that I will be wasting gas, racking up miles on my car and wearing down the tires, and besides, I don’t work so why do I need a camp to babysit my kid…and it wasn’t ever about that, I just get tired of never being able to afford to take her anywhere the entire summer. This is her chance to return to school and start 5th grade with some great memories. I want that for her, so badly. She is my only focus right now.

Her and the other half of the yard I can’t work myself up to do because the humidity makes me choke on sinus drainage. And the only reason the yard worries me isn’t appearance or worry about the landlord, it’s because I can ‘t handle my dad attacking me yet again on a matter I’ve made clear is none of his business but he’s too much of a dick to butt out.

Spook is the priority now, so don’t do it for me, do it for her. And if cash makes you uneasy, they do have prepaid gift cards for use only at gas stations for fuel only. That’s what we’re trying to raise money for, 11 weeks times about $38 a week for fuel. And if I could just get us out of this ass trash place, it wouldn’t be an issue but I’m drained. I applied for a factory job I am unqualified for because it was the only new listing and guess how many others applied..66. NO ONE CAN SAY I AM NOT TRYING. I want out of here more than I have ever wanted anything before, I think. Because my dad stressing me out and the fuel and $70 minimum every month whether we use a drop of water a month….If I could get us back to town, we could afford rent, power, insurance, water, trash, internet, and still be able to buy food, feed the cats (who are now on day 5 without a morsel of crunchy food and my dad damn well knows it but can’t even take pity on them cos he’s so busy holding a grudge against me), put gas in the car…because in town we could apply for subsidized housing thus lower rent thus saving money to put towards all else…

I’m freaking out, time to shut it down. God, I really don’t miss R and his political tirades but I sometimes sure do miss him showing up with some Mangoritas to shut up the voices in my head.

Help for Spook to go to daycamp, please, even a share is amazing.

Direct deposit without big fees is paypal (and it is instantaneous, fundraiser takes days to pay out) and please note that it is for us both, not just for me. My kid and i are a package deal.

Our video explaining things, very short clip.


I’m gonna go freak out and panic now.

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