Life’s Too Short To Be F*cking Inoffensive

I have a appt with my psych nurse in 2 ans a half hours. So of course, my anxiety has skyrocketed and the world feels like it has been on hold until I get this checked off my list. I don’t hold much hope, their drugs are pointless against seasonal affective depression. And I even had a nightmare in which they told me, “You’ve been put on a wait list, we don’t have anyone to see you.” This might seem odd except THEY HAVE DONE IT TO ME FOUR TIMES IN THE LAST 3 YEARS. And the dream felt pretty damn real, because I recall feeling incredulous and saying, “Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been coming here 20 years, you still take new patients, and you don’t even have someone to see pre-existing ones?” Suffice it to say, I was glad to wake up from that one but I doubt I’ll breathe deeply until after it’s over- and I get another appointment with the same person. Their revolving door of docs and nurses is fucking maddening, even the receptionist who’s been there since I started going there said, “I know we’ve put you through a lot the last year, and I’m sorry.” Leave it to the support staff to be the only one to recognize how much more fucked up their staff issues have made my mental state.

My kid had some sort of skin ailment this morning, chafing or something, but I sent her to school anyway. I feel like a bitch now but I gave her the options-stay home for something that last time stopped hurting after half a Tylenol and some cream and I have to take you to grandpa’s so I can go to my appointment, or suck it up and go to school. She went to school. Because ‘there’s too many boys’ at grandpa’s house and she’s on some anti boy kick, which makes me think maybe she’s entering the pre puberty phase. Or my current monthly agony and dysphoric mental state are contagious.

I wrote this little post yesterday about being grateful for stuff and ya know what? My top posts still involve idiocy in the title like Trumpdashian. Because the world has become an intellectual emaciated place where people can’t cope outside their own naricisstic worlds and those who do, well, they’re the big problem with all their hatred and arguing. Feast or famine on the ‘people equal shit” front. I have tried so damn hard to bite my tongue and not be too outspoken and offensive because hey, I’m trying to raise $100 so my kid gets a Christmas and the cats can eat til New Year’s, and it seems counterproductive to insult what few readers I have and yet…Howard Stern built an empire on being a positively rude, idiotic human being people flock toward.

So fuck it all. Don’t donate to a 9 year old little girl. That says more about you than me. And you can keep your ‘get a job’ rhetoric because if there was a job to be had they they would give me I’d be doing it. But you can’t put a gun to employer’s heads and say, I WANT to work so you WILL hire ME. I’m doing the best I can while her father does nothing, absolutely nothing, and again, I try to avoid tirades against him because he did ay least contribute genetic material to help create her but fuck him, too. Fuck it all.

I can’t keep up with housework. I give zero fucks about grooming or hygiene. I am fairly sure the only purpose left in my life is to get Spook to age 18 and then I’m out of this fucking hell hole called life.

Am I offending anyone yet? GOOD, as Eminem would say. I still don’t give a fuck.

I am channeling some serious hormonal rage today and going to town to deal with the petri dish and its dwellers has me a little edgy cos it’s a perfect storm kind of mood. If I didn’t like my car so much, I’d probably play bumper cars and run over some dumbfuck using their phone while the light is green.

And you know what? This tirade..is normal. It is perfectly normal to get fed up, pissed off, and vent some Hulk SMASH thoughts. It doesn’t make me ungrateful or a bitch or spoiled or unlikeable. It makes me a human being who’s had the crap kicked out of her on too many levels this year and the fact I’m not out in a clock tower aiming a high powered nail gun at people means…I haven’t lost my shit, even part of me wishes I would just finally crack my lids.

If this post costs me followers, so be it.

Life’s too short to pretend I don’t have rage monster feelings and need to vent them, vitriolic as they may be, because it could offend someone.

Next week I’ll probably be decorating the tree and playing the Cryptkeeper Christmas album and maybe even baking.

This week…I’m just fed up living in this Trumpdashian nightmare where the only signs of life are in the form of “I hate you for not agreeing with me on every topic”.

I hate everyone who can’t agree to disagree.

That being said…Any chance might bring me that high powered nail gun?

JOKE. I barely trust myself with a staple gun, I’m clumsy.

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5 Responses to “Life’s Too Short To Be F*cking Inoffensive”

  1. Hey, if it costs you followers, then I won’t one of them. I freaking LOVED this post! I was at work scrolling through my reader feed and yours popped up (not that I follow that many people) and I was truly entertained and amazed by everything you said!

    • Thanks for this! It’s good to truly vent in an honest way and have that appreciated.

      On Wed, Dec 5, 2018 at 8:59 AM Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

    • Thank you! You have no idea how much positive reinforcement means for me! Especially when I am just winging it and being brutally honest and not preoccupied with being polite and ‘pretty’. Even my own family hates me when in that mode. Glad the post caught your eye and resonated with you in a good way. ❤

      On Wed, Dec 5, 2018 at 8:59 AM Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  2. This was great! You re an entertaining writer, that’s for sure! Your words popped out on the screen at me and I couldn’t just scroll past, had to read it!

    • Yayness! I am so flattered! Really. Brutal honesty and negativity usually make people go away. Nice to find a couple of people who recognize life can be ugly and it’s okay to say as much sometimes. ❤

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