This Just In…

After 3 dismal days of barely functioning…I had a good mental health day today. I tackled the chore of dishes, mowed a patch of lawn, and straightened up the Halloween decor for trick or treaters.(As if the local yokels will allow their precious redneck snowflakes to come here, it’s been 7 months and they only let their kids play with mine if she is at my dad’s house…never mind how many times I’ve tried to get the moms to contact me about playdates.)

All in all, though. I wasn’t up or down or in the middle. I was just living my life. Kicking myself for not accomplishing more yet trying to pat myself on the back for what I did get done. My kid changed her mind a 4th time on her Halloween costume, though it’s going to be raining both days and nights so I don’t suppose it matters.

I am crossing my fingers that my check deposits early so I can get her shoes to wear to the daddy/daughter dance where I will be serving as dad Friday night. Otherwise, she has nothing but tennis shoes and hideous cowgirl boots to wear the beautiful (used) black satin and velvet dress I got for her to wear. What I’ve learned the last couple of months is that ‘receieve your direct deposit up to two days early’ really isn’t written in stone. More like asking a Magic 8 ball. So since I need it desperately to try and find her some decent used shoes at a thrift store…chances are I won’t get it til after the dance. Which will mean fashion hell for her so she’ll hate me for going in boots and getting laughed at or she will be mad at that we didn’t go…

I can’t win, tired of trying. I’m just gonna do my best and hope it’s enough to not traumatize her too much.

I am gonna try to skip Seroquel (scary-quel) tonight, see if maybe I have less trouble getting up in the morning. We’ll see how long the melatonin lasts, if it even kicks in. Money has me so stressed, and Halloween which is supposed to be my happy time yet just becomes even more stress…Grrr. But for three days I felt so lethargic and leaden the morning after Seroquel, I just can’t see myself living in that kind of stupor. And it’s so easy to get attached to sleepers as a crutch, a way to hasten sleep to escape a reality that isn’t pleasant…I did that for a couple of years before my kid was born and I swore I’d never go back to it.

Maybe I will just ‘date’ Seroquel on weekends when I don’t need to be up at the crack of ass and functional immediately.

None of my problems were solved. I didn’t accomplish as much as I’d wanted. But…it was a good mental health day and those come rarely so raise the metaphoric glass. You celebrate the tiny things when they are in fact huge things for you. Only tiny to people with normally ordered brains.Disordered minds…good mental health days are to be celebrated and embraced.

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6 Responses to “This Just In…”

  1. I had a good mental health day today.

    That’s great. It’s also great that you took advantage of it…

    But for three days I felt so lethargic and leaden the morning after Seroquel, I just can’t see myself living in that kind of stupor.

    …have you talked to your doctor about lowering the dose to 25mgs?

    • I tried a pill splitter and it disintegrated the fat round pill to powder. I don’t know why manufacturers do that but I may be have to jump through flaming hoops and ask my nurse practitioner to change it to 25mg since splitting pills isn’t working.

  2. Being poor sucks, and I didn’t win the billion or the millions. Would have been fun to win and show up on your doorstep in a limo with flowers and pretty shoes after a trip to a chiropractor, but I still can’t afford the chiropractor, so I don’t really dance even if my initials stand for “Dancing Machine.”

    I hope your request for the Seroquel Split is granted and everything start tasting like ice cream and sliced bananas with all your favorite toppings. Or, your favorite things.

    Mrs M, weirdly, picked up a cheap-ish bottle of tropical fruit flavored vodka. I haven’t tried it, but I hope there’s no coconut ( :p bleah) I like, I guess, boring fruit- berries, cherries, apples, pineapples, peaches, oranges lemons and limes etc. …and tonic water, but not coconut or banana. Anyway it was on clearance for $5 and she got the last one and beggars can’t be choosers at least not in my own personal experience

    Citalopram 20 mg is what the doctor prescribed me for the depression. I’m still depressed, but maybe the edge is off of it. Or maybe I’m just on an ever-so-slightly tiny upward swing. I don’t know what to expect on this stuff, but so far -30 days in- evidently it’s putting me through some kind of bizarre “men-opause,” as this pill gives me a hot flash or two every day, among a few other mildly undesirable side effects like severe indigestion and excess burping. Again, bleah. I still don’t want to move, possibly because it hurts. Anyway, it may be working but I still don’t want to. We’ll see what happens when I re-enroll in health insurance this week, for next year, I hope I can still afford to be alive. Sadly, being dead wouldn’t help anyone enough, so I don’t bother considering that option.

    I hope your meds all turn helpful and the handsome horse shows up to sweep you off your feet (while at it, sweeping the floor, why not), and it doesn’t turn out to be just the back half of the horse. You already had the back end of the horse and everybody knows that’s not the good side. (yeah, I called him a horse’s ass.) Handsome Prince optional, and only if he has eyes like mine and a good sense of humor. Like, if he starts off calling you “Darling Nikki,” I’d think that is pretty funny for instance.

    • I attributed my sudden hot/cold flashes to being a woman nearing menopause but I’m on so many meds, it could be that, too. LOvely.

      I went to a lesbian wedding in the 90’s and the couple actually had the DJ play “Darling Nikki” and dedicated it to me. They’re lucky that A.)Purple Rain was my fave movie and soundtrack for years, and B.), that I have a good sense of humor.
      Otherwise public likening me to one who likes to self pleasure with magazines in a hotel lobby might make me embarrassed. 😛
      I started spelling my name with one K, after that movie, btw. Prince kinda ruined the original with that song but my family still spells it that way so now I see it and giggle. No magazines, no hotel lobbies, but…grinding has been known to happen. (insert angel emoji here.)

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