Inertia,again

For weeks I have been running around in either full blown or half blown panic. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a few calmer down days,but also fortunate enough to not hit a ‘splat’ inertia patch.

That run ended today and I have no idea why. Nothing traumatic happened. I had every intention of going out today,we need at least one load of laundry done…but it’s nearing noon and all I have accomplished are clean clothes and nuked frozen lasagna for breakfast.

It’s hard to explain this inertia. Could it be related to starting the gabapentin? I have a long standing sensitivity to meds,either they make me strung out anxious or groggy dopey lethargy.

Today’s inertia is a mix of unexplained anxiety and a leaden paranoid ‘if I move,something bad will happen’ feeling. It’s disturbing and worse, having read some forums on reactions to yo gabba gabba…Is this the start of me taking to my bed and never wanting to leave the house?

For sure an overreaction,you can’t discern long term outcome after a few doses. But scumbag brain likes making those leaps,that way if the worst does happen,I am prepared.

It galls me to not be able to get myself moving and out the door. If I’m not going out then I have wasted clean clothes,coulda stayed in jammies. Sadly,this is what life for me has devolved into. Worrying that every time I put on clean clothes it’s gonna cost money to wash them and Spook having clean clothes for school is more important so I can stay in the same clothes a couple days straight. It’s constricting to think in these terms. It wasn’t free to do laundry when we had working washer and dryer but at least it didn’t require leaving the house or having cash on hand. Grr.

But yeah, we may have a roof overhead and it may be nicer than our trailer was but it comes with many,many downsides. Like needing $5 in gas just to go to town for food. Or doing laundry,which is tough when you can’t bring yourself to leave the house.

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MOVE!!! I scream at myself. Some days ripping the band aid off works. This is not one of those days. And honestly as foggy as I feel,I probably shouldn’t be driving anyway. (That IS the gabapentin).

So…dirty laundry will still be there tomorrow but so will yo gabba gabba so I can’t even be sure the inertia will wear off once the current mind frame passes.

I will give the med more time before making a decision about pro v cons but any med that makes me feel too wonky to drive and puts lethargy on top of heightened anxiety…don’t need tragic h8te ball to tell me it doesn’t bode well.

Hope I am wrong and gabba gabba is my wonder drug.

I also hope to win the lottery without ever buying a ticket so my mental state is suspect at times.

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4 Responses to “Inertia,again”

  1. Good luck with the Gabapentin. It works well for me, but everyone is different. xoxo

    • Other than rapid heartbeat,I don’t notice it doing anything for my mood or anxiety. I am only 7 doses in so the jury is still out. One thing is for sure- I will not keep taking it if I don’t see benefits soon. My whole goal was fewer pills and every psych pro since my departed Dr. B keeps giving me more pills. If they don’t do something good, I’m done. Too bad they aren’t bright enough to view wanting less pills as a good thing instead of non compliance,grr.

      Be well,my friend.

      On Mar 22, 2018 8:20 AM, “Take a Ride on My Mood Swing” wrote:

      >

      • That’s what I loved about the shrink in the IOP I was involved with. He actually thought that trying to determine where the issues were coming from was more helpful then pushing pills at me. Go figure.

  2. Drm Protected Music Files

    Inertia,again | Take a Ride on My Mood Swing

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