The Hamster Wheel In the Brain Goes Round and Round

**Trigger warning, mention of abortion in this post, avoid if you are easily offended**

Not sure I am hypomanic today, but my thoughts are spinning and it’s less mania and more…I read an article that educated, surprised me, made me think there’s hope for mankind, and now…I am thinking. Thinking a lot. If you want to read the article, about how a hardcore Conservative Christian changed and started viewing things differently even if to her own programming and beliefs, go here. She made so many relevant points, some that even apply to me and how naive I am thinking I can even influence my friend R the tiniest bit on how harsh some his views are and how they clash with my own.

It makes perfect sense that people go on the defensive and become resentful when placed in a position that makes them feel that way. Especially when caught red handed, so to speak, with flawed logic and narrow minds. And me, trying to batter ram the concept of agree to disagree, when all I can really do is keep to my own beliefs and give it time and either I will make an impact and never be told because who wants to say that horrid thing “I was wrong”…or I can just sit back and let the truth will out, be it that Trump is the second coming and I was totally off base or the world disintegrates while he is busy Tweeting hateful messages about, well, pretty much everyone.

I know everyone is busy and politics are garbage, but it really IS a good read if you have a few moments and want to get another viewpoint. It taught me a little something about myself, too. Because back when I was a teen and in my early 20’s, I was violently against abortion. I always thought it was wrong because, hey I was born the very day Roe V Wade was passed and hey, knowing my dad wasn’t ready for kids because they cost too much money, if abortion had been legal prior to that…would they have aborted me? It’s murder, plain and simple!

As I got older and learned more and gained experience and found myself in situations where a child might have been born with debillitating or agonizing birth defects…My views started to change. I realized that men are involved in the process of making babies, but it is the woman who has to go through every other thing from pregnancy, invasing procedures, physical pain, hormonal changes, post partum depressions, a child with special needs, too little insurance or money…And so I went from viewing Roe V Wade as the evil thing that might have prevented me from existing and it become…

A basic human right for women. Not to be used wily nilly as birth control, but as a choice made with the free will our government and bill of rights allegedly afford us. Now that the political tides have changed and so many republican law makers are ready to quash Roe V Wade and criminalize abortion even in the case of incest or rape or even a woman bringing the pregnancy to term dying doing so…It’s terrifying. And no, I am sorry, men, you really don’t understand. I’d like to jump up on my soap box and preach about the uproar men would have if female legislators removed their right to Viagra or insisted a total removal of male genitalia if cancer is diagnosed there…But it won’t do any good. That Cracked article told me what I always knew…we are all crappy people even when trying not to be and all we can hope for is to be less crappy if we can manage to grow.

Frick, I jumped on the soapbox anyway. What can I say, I am a crappy person.

Enough of that. Just rarely I find an article informative enough that I would choose to reccommend reading it.

Agaian…spinning thoughts but I think that’s my brain waking up from depressive coma and starting to think again about more than ‘is it bedtime yet’. I know I have to be careful because the dual anti depressants could very likely cause the hypomania but after I had tearful meltdown last night because one of my cats is acting like he’s not feeling well and all I could see was burying more dead kittens after burying two this last week…If I were truly manic, it wouldn’t have touched me at all. Because that’s how mania is, it’s like a conscience-ectomy for as long as the episode last. THEN you crumble from guilt and grief. Fact I can still be thrown off kilter and cry…Likely not true mania.

I already took my kid to Hell-Mart and she…got her ears pierced. No tears, no drama, not attacking the employees who did it…Hell, I may be able to get her into a dentist without demanding they sedate her first. I am proud of Spook. She was so happy she asked me to take her to grandma’s so she could show them off and so I did. Now she is off playing with her little 5 year old friend (the one who introduced my kid to the term ’69’ with graphic descriptions) and I am just relaxing because…

Tomorrow is The Unblessed Hellride. (Only Black Label Society fans will get that reference.) Ugh. Hours in Bumfuck outside being eaten by bugs with my redneck faction of the family and random people I don’t know and…Ick. We’re riding with my sister so at least the anxiety of driving the car will be negated. And my sister is as livid about the whole thing as I am. Hopefully I at least get some decent pictures of the pony. The new phone actually has a decent camera and flash on it, I am hopeful. And pics of my kid, too, not to sound like a shitty mom who only likes pets. But my kid moves too fast to be photographed most of the time, the pony will be more cooperative. all who actually read this post and were offended…Heed trigger warnings in the future. For those who read it, weren’t incensed but still think I am wrong…Agree to disagree. And if even one person read this and it sparked even an iota of thought about how your own views might be askew for whatever reason…

Then I am becoming the kind of writer I want to be.


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