The Agony Of Psychiatric Medications

YES. I am on another rant about the shitty side effects of lithium. Yesterday was absolute misery and it  only became that way after I took my medication. Now Lamictal does not induce nausea. Wellbutrin does not induce nausea.

It is ALWAYS the fucking lithium.

Which brings us to the proverbial catch 22 situation. As far as mood stabilizers go, lithium is the gold, silver, and platinum standard. It JUST WORKS.

Unfortunately, it has horrid side effects, which are why many times, I have decided Lamictal alone would suffice rather than spend my time in a nauseated groggy stupor.

My shrink switched me from 300mg capsules 3 times a day because I complained about the nausea. Honestly, the 450mg twice daily tablets have been tolerated way better. I know not to take it on an empty stomach.

Sadly, sometimes, like yesterday, even though I ate before taking my lithium…I still spent five plus hours nauseated and groggy, hating the medication that basically allowed me to have my life back.

Well, actually, Lamictal (lamatrogine) works very well during the seasonal affect months since I am so clinically depressed (very little mania to combat). Come spring, when that lifts and I tend to go manic…Lithium saves the day (in combination with Lamictal).

I just wish to pegacorn it came with fewer nasty side effects. Or at least side effects that are consistent. I don’t eat, I get nausea. I do eat, I get nausea. I take it in the mornings, I get sleep. I take it at night, I don’t get sleep. Seriously, wtf?

Yesterday only improved around 5 p.m. when I cooked supper for me and the spawn and got a full stomach.

It makes me wonder if, for whatever reasons, lithium requires a certain calorie amount on the stomach to ward off the nasty assed nausea.

It’s maddening because I have been taking lithium since 2006. It’s actually the drug that changed everything. Years of misdiagnosis and anti-depressants feeding the bipolar when I wasn’t in seasonal affect depression…thwarted by one medication. I found myself, learned that my disorder was the cause of much of my bad behavior and poor choices.

I don’t give a damn what the Douchebag Shithead Manual says…Much of the behavior bipolar patients exhibit…is NOT our personality, it’s not who we are, it’s a cluster of symptoms we do not control.  To say otherwise is akin to saying someone who’s been Roofie’d cannot claim rape. There’s no consent in being drugged and there is no control nor consent when your brain chemicals are running riot.

It does not absolve us of responsibility, but it does indicate diminished capacity. Not that society will ever see it that way.

I watched a show just yesterday that made me see red because a character was on paroxetine (Paxil) and they (the crime scene analysts) ignorantly called it a mood enhancer. Like it’s an illicit drug that makes you high as opposed to correcting an imbalance. And more maddening is that same show (and many, many others), referred to Valium as an anti-depressant. SERIOUSLY? Even fucking Wikipedia can get the drug class right!!!!

Okay, so maybe I get too bent about this stuff but if you’re gonna get all the science right…This is fucking child’s play. FUCKING GOOGLE IT. Otherwise, your paid “advisors” are making your entire show look like a douchebag.

In other news…

I did not take my meds today before I had to go spend 7 hours in the dish. I’ve never been a breakfast person so I resent having to eat before I take the cocktail. I just do it at a later time even if it’s breaking the “same time every day” rule. After yesterday’s hours long  nausea…I was just not going there.

I had to drop the spawn at my mom’s. Then I had to go to the ATM for cash, go to the DMV, spend $102 for a sticker (and show I.D., seriously, are there people offering up a hundred bucks for a sticker not to their own car??????), then I went to the shop. (R asked on Monday since he had a doctor’s appt out of town and I agreed cos frankly, I needed smokes and I also needed to not hear my darling daughter’s incessant chatter for a bit.)

For the sixth day in a row…it rained cats, dogs, and armadillos. It’s like fucking monsoon season in the midwest. I wonder if it will even dry out enough to put the new sticker on the car. I sure as fuck don’t wanna risk a hundred dollar sticker not sticking, ffs. Bitch of it is, R can drive around for months on an expired sticker but I bet I wouldn’t make it a day before being ticketed. I am not possessing the Lucky Charms shamrocks like him.

Still…in spite of the gloom dragging me down…I went. I functioned. I even fixed Kenny’s computer as he got a spam popup and actually called the number and they hijacked his computer remotely (How do people still fall for that dead horse???).

It wasn’t a bad day. My kid declared she wanted to stay the night at mom’s. I said sure. After my servitude at the shop, I got a ten dollar pizza from Pizza Hut (I’ve been craving and wanting for 2 weeks but had no money) and came home to binge watch tv shows. My biggest anxiety today, thank pegacorn, was being a little nervous driving Aubrey. Everyone HATES my car simply because the paint job is so worn. I dislike my car because it hates wet weather and idles all crazy, chugga chugga lugga lug. Nerve wracking. Let it dry out and she runs smoothly even if begging for a muffler. (I’m gonna try, Aubrey, baby, I swear!)

Plus side, I ran 2 weeks and filling the car up only took $15. HELLS YEAH! My previous cars, V-8, V-4, took twice that! Cos they were kinda fucked up. Aubrey may not be pretty (and neither am I because the world focuses on weight rather than actual beauty or intelligence) but she or he (I can’t commit to a gender for the car, sue me!) gets the job done in a way that benefits me and the spawn. So why would I worry about the fucking paint job when I FINALLY have a car I am comfy driving? Especially getting this gas mileage.

Maybe I’ m not the crazy one.

So now…I am gonna have a Mangorita, smoke a Marlboro Smooth (thanks, R) and maybe later I will write. Or maybe not.

Today I am not sweating it.

Today I am okay, even if the shitty monsoon weather doesn’t inspire an *up* mood.

I has kittens. They are 6 days old and their eyes are not open yet. But they are healthy lil butterballs and…I could huff kittens and get higher than any drug.

I didn’t say I was in my right mind.

Just functioning. It’s something.


2 Responses to “The Agony Of Psychiatric Medications”

  1. Hi Morgueticia,
    I just wanted to say I’ve been following you for a while now, and I love your writing. You’re the reason I’m on WordPress. You have a true sense of humour and wit, and I love your no-nonsense view of reality. I know you’re often going through hard times, but I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your posts, and read them via email 🙂

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