Don’t Try This At Home, KIds

So first off, I wanted to throw in this ****disclaimer**** lest some net troll accuse me of “giving bad advice/setting bad example” bullshit. As previously mentioned in yesterday’s post, I have, for two weeks, been trying to wean myself off  Pristiq, and no, not with my doctor’s approval.

The reason for discontinuing Pristiq, which worked okay for awhile, is that when combined with the Wellbutrin that has done so well for my focus…I end up convinced I have bugs crawling in my hair. The itching scalp thing is just a deal breaker. And considering it didn’t start til the two meds were mixed together and I did make sure it wasn’t Wellbutrin alone doing it…NOPE.

As for coming off without the doctor rigamarole…My shrink’s practice is so busy I can barely get in every 3 months, even after med changes. And he is uber conservative which means we only stop one drug at a time or start one at a time, there’s no expediting the matter with him. Love the doc, but his caution and booked schedule mean my life becomes a bigger living hell with side effects or whatever. I am weaning off carefully, not cold turkey. It’s no different than doing it with doc approval. I’ve been at this shit for so long I probably know more about proper tapering off than the doctor does. I mean, I was one of the first test cases in the 90’s, when they did not acknowledge that anti-depressants cause withdrawal symptoms and my sage shrink told me I could quit Effexor cold turkey. Two weeks of auditory hallucinations, paranoia, and sleeping with a knife under my pillow.

So no more cold turkey, ever. Not stupid. But I did prove my belief yesterday when after a million brain zaps I broke down and took a Pristiq…Next thing I know my previously normal scalp and hair start itching relentlessly. PROVEN.

Just…I am not setting examples, giving advice, just…this is my situation. This is what I am doing. Don’t try this at home kids. Disclaimer enough?

Today is my first day in 3 of not being forced into the dish. And of course I am so psychologically bruised from my time in the dish, I’ve done nothing today. Oh, well, I did fix myself some eggs, and I knew better but I was hungry and thus…gastric agony and dating the bathroom ensued.

I just feel aching and bruised and it’s not having done anything physically taxing. It’s the mental cost that is so expensive and I don’t think people realize that.

I wanted to go get groceries and such today while my kid is at school. Instead the gray day and bruised psyche and gastric hell have me too damned beaten down to do anything.

I guess I can be thankful as I took my meds and for once they didn’t make me nauseous or make me zonk out.

I fear I may have inadvertently put myself into the family war by trying to extricate myself from the anxiety inducing out of town dog sitting gig. I talked to my mom and sis to see if they were still pissed at dad for not cosigning and I offered to PAY them to keep doing the dog sitting thing so I don’t have to. Extra stress I do not need. So mom says no, she isn’t too mad, the dog is welcome. Now I guess I have to tell my dad what I did trying to smooth things over and he will be pissed.

I wanna be an orphan.

Now, back to doing nothing and feeling guilty for doing nothing yet working on accepting the fact that I am emotionally exhausted and it’s manifested physically and grocery stores will still be there tomorrow as will the laundry and dishes. The world will not end simply because I need a breather.

(Now watch the world end, ffs.)

My new decal for the car, just for a giggle.

E.T.Rex lighter- Spook spotted it and insisted I get it. Pretty funny, no?

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5 Responses to “Don’t Try This At Home, KIds”

  1. OMG that decal is PHENOMENAL! I’m glad you got out of dog sitting, too.

  2. You’ve worked hard, you deserve a do nothing day to chill and reset the brain. Monday will roll around again and back to the grind. Think of it as refueling before the the battle begins again, as it always does. Hope you get some rest and don’t feel too guilty about it, gotta put your air mask on first…

  3. Behold the power of a cursory, distracted partial read-through: I started reading as you wrote “I fear I may have inadvertently put myself into the family wa…” and the phone rang for work. I almost choked because my brain completed it “…way.” Needless to say, I didn’t believe my brain, but I DID go back after the little work thing, to read VERY carefully and breathe a sigh of relief on your behalf. Not that I wasn’t thinking, through the entire phone call, “HOLY SHIT! SPOOK, The SEQUEL?!–would be pretty amazingly traumatic for you, but totally fucking awesome.” Well, that is, if you raised Part 2 with as much strength and excellence as you’ve been raising Part 1.

    Sorry, I suppose the drama is already enough without anything extra. Your family bites, and needs to go to electro-convulsive sensitivity training. ALL of them. Put the pictures up, measure the stimulus, and shock the shitty out of them every time something negative gives a positive reaction.

    I fucking NEED to win the lottery and build the bunker in real life, so you can come read it to me out loud, so I don’t misinterpret so drastically. And be my se

    …cretary, what did you think I was going to say? LOL. See, I want a bored secretary who does whatever the hell she wants to do, and I pay her extraordinarily well, and she does things when I really need things done, like, …IDK. Whatever you want to do to help someone.
    Like, help Mrs M and I finish this wine, or help the kids with all that ice cream. And people are all rumoring about us, and we laugh because, lovely as you are, we are terminally friend-zoned to each other, I am a troglodyte, and there’s nothing going on between us except in my vivid imagination. 😀 Or maybe yours, but why not get a hot guy, instead of me?

    • You prattle on about friend zone so often, I am wondering who you are trying to convince.I view married men as attractive as vegetarian pizza, ugh, so…Keep trying to convince yourself 😛

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