Venom Zero

And all of yesterday’s menstrual dysphoria induced venom has receded for another 3 weeks.

Today I am battling inertia and panxiety. The neighbors took my kid to the park (she went with another friend yesterday) and while I do need the break and the beautiful (for February) weather is great for the kids…I experience a huge amount of anxiety when my kid is “out there”.

Irrational or helicopter mom, I don’t know.

Two Xanax have taken an edge off, but not much.

I did force myself up to do dishes and wash a couple loads of laundry. The  unfolded mountain remains on the sofa and I give zero fucks. Annoying but hardly earth shattering.

I even made myself some iced tea, after days of not even having the energy to do that.

At odds with my kid again. She’s being the follower/chameleon and driving me bonkers. Yesterday we sat together and ate celery with peanut butter. Today she asks for some with lunch, I give it to her, the devil girls show up, declare they don’t like it, and suddenly my kid finds it disgusting and must throw it away.

I get wanting to fit in, to an extent, but, really? Guess that’s why popular people are popular, they are willing to be what others want and need whereas I am surly and stubborn and true to myself. Sorry, veggie heads, I love animals, but if you think I am turning down a cheeseburger just to appease your standards and be your friend…Nope.

I was going to apologize for yesterday’s really nasty rant but I don’t think I will. There is so much more idiocy on the net to be offended by rather than my menstrual  I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING vent. I never set out to offend anyone and in hindsight…I could just unsubscribe or close a tab when faced with technical manual three sentence posts rather than rail like an asshole.

If only the Twitter mentality weren’t in my face on every damned webpage.

I even braved a Twitter feed for my favorite  comic, The Oatmeal, and  dear god…the things people say, the critiquing, the bickering…I am so glad not to participate in such infantile behavior. Why follow a feed if your only goal is to demean their work and bicker with others? The world has become like a giant hellish high school full of bullies.

Only ever on wordpress do I truly feel safe and occasionally, a troll or two invade that. Least I don’t get bent as I used to. Learning to use categories and tags helped weed out the nasty trolls.

Ha ha, yes, pot, kettle, black, me calling someone else nasty after yesterday’s rant.

My venom was spewed only on my blog, not shared on social media, no promoted, and full of self awareness “I am an asshole” statements.

True nasty trolls do it just because putting others down makes them feel good.

In other words…Bullies.

But yeah…Zero true venom today except for those truly deserving, like bullies of all ages.

I am starting to wonder if my meds are conking out again. Normally being on 12 pills a day takes the edge off the PMS and anxiety. Now I am like raging either way. No no no, not the medi go round again. NOOOOOOOO.

Anyway, that is where things are in Morgueland today.

Now I think the wind just ripped my front door off the hinges so I must go fetch it. One more thing that won’t be fixed, just like the furnace going out again.

Even without PMS and mental illness, don’t I at some point get valid feelings of frustration because so little ever goes right?

Ha, Validation. Put on my PJ’s, I am dreaming. Life is about invalidation. My own family taught me that and thank pegacorn I have internet trolls to remind me how right they were.

 

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4 Responses to “Venom Zero”

  1. I hate everything and everyone, but especially stupidity and bullies. Which is why I guess we hate each other a little less than we hate most other people. So maybe that’s what love is: hating people less, just enough to feel safe enough to not mind sharing the planet with each other. I must hate you a lot less, extending you an open invitation to the bunker, ffs. Oh. That came out wrong I think… not literally ffs. I meant that for emphasis.

    I stay off Twitter almost religiously, unless the mania or the rage take me there. I campaigned rigorously against the stupid new secretary of education, De Vos is just too privileged to have a brain or compassion for the poor, or common sense about teaching methods. My teaching method is, whateer works to get the right answer, who cares how they think it through as long as they think. And that flies in the face of “common core.”

    Is your furnace really out again? I’m praying it’s not. And what about your insulation?

    • Furnace isn’t kicking on but it’s been in the sixties for 4 days, R says it may just be too warm for the sensor to kick on.

      Insulation…HA HA HA. They lied, that never happened and was never mentioned again.

      Start stocking the bunker with cheap booze. I figure by the time we retire there, we’ll be too downtrodden to care if it tastes good as long as it makes our brains shut up about how sucky the world has become. 😉

      On Tue, Feb 21, 2017 at 7:21 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  2. I agree with your statement that WordPress is the only truly safe place. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced trolls on my blog (there’s always tomorrow). Facebook, twitter and all the rest and turning into even worse bastions of hell then they were before.

    And don’t apologize for your last post. Damn you gotta have somewhere to vent!!!

  3. I am still withdrawing from meds. The cymbalta was hard and still reminds me that my body wants it. Wednesday I start withdrawing from the mood stabilizer. I hope that is easier.

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