My Anxiety’s So High, It’s Been Smoking Pot

Yesterday started out with a harried trip to get my kid to school because I was so cold, I literally could not force my butt out of bed til 7:35. By the time I got back…I bundled up and knew I’d likely fall asleep. (I’d been up til after 1 talking to a newcomer to chat, and it was awesome, hope it helped her as much as it helped me.) Alas, I was due at the shop to repay the texting chihuahua for some money I borrowed. (Oh, get this…For all his fussing ab0ut money and me owing him twenty bucks…He made a simple call to the  bank the other day, said he wanted to transfer money from X account to Y account…in the amount of TEN GRAND!…Yeah, my fucking heart bleeds for him.)

He said show up by ten. Meh, I woke up at ten and got there by 10:45. Lately he’s been playing fast and loose with shit while expecting me to jump thru hoops and I called him on his bullshit. Also took my tablet with so I could chat while bopping around for his demands. Kind of to make a point…ANNOYING WHEN SOMEONE IS HERE TO DO ONE THING AND YET SPENDS ALL THEIR TIME ON A DIGITAL DEVICE, AIN’T IT?

I survived,barely. But then I went to get Spook and he says, oh, do me one more favor…With spawn in tow, I had to brave Friday traffic on the main drag and go to Ace Hardware to 37 cents worth of screws and nuts. My kid, of course, was yapping (school halloween party sugared her up to demon proportion) and demanding I buy her this and that, and I’d been out of my safe zone almost 5 hours…I started to come unglued. When I begin to panic in the dish, it starts out as anger. Cursing. (Move your car, assclown, get off your phone, you cockweasel!) Then comes the breathing problem, the sweating, the mind spinning off its rails…GRRR. Hate when he pulls shit like that, asking at the last minute, knowing how much it stresses me out to drag her along with.

Bit of a respite at home then had to go pay car insurance. Of course, spawn was wound for sound, talk, talk, talk (good thing about no muffler, car drowns some of her noise out) and she wanted every item she saw and it…was just stressful. Overwhelming.

Today started out lethargic. No get up and go cos I gave so many sporks yesterday. But wait, there;s more! A big cookout at the family’s to celebrate my nephew’s correspondence school high school graduation. 30 people, only 7 of whom I am related to. My brother was having one of his bipolar pouting angry moods. My kid was fed sugar out the ears in spite of me saying enough. At least mom didn’t go for the throat, for a change. (Her brother survived his surgery and got to go home, so she’s feeling better about that.)

I survived three and a half hours there. The worst part (other than my dad yapping about the auction they’d gone to and had car parts and this old car went for X amount of money and blah blah) was cake time. My sis got an ice cream cake, forgot to thaw it a half hour ahead of time, so it was solid as a brick, took three people to get it sliced up. All of us crammed in this small kitchen, my kid sitting on my lap, while I was sweating bullets and trying to paste on the smile and do the civilized banter thing.

Leaving and coming home to my hovel has never been sweeter.

Except then Spook started yammer again, not pausing for a breath, and trying to manipulate me any time I wouldn’t kowtow to her demands and I am just like…ENOUGH NOISE!

So, yeah, my anxiety is high and it’s been smoking the good shit.

The weather changed again, suddenly got warm and sunny, I wore a tank top today and turned on a fan. Yes, after spending a day or two mummified in my Mermaid blanket with chattering teeth. FFS, weather, make up your bloody mind! I can’t get any equilibrium here.

I am supposed to take Spook to a trunk or treat thing some church is having tomorrow afternoon since I  bribed to get out of her school function (parenting academy, nope) so I am going to have to face more dish time, plus trick or treating Monday night. And she wants to be a zombie but won’t let me dirty up her hair and clothes to make it authentic and it’s like Z Up, damn it, there are no posh zombies!

Tuesday she has a dentist appointment 30 miles out of town.

Maybe by Wednesday I can breathe?

Just a reminder to everyone…If you haven’t checked out the Freshly Depressed chat room, come on by. I’ll send an invite to anyone who asks. Sometimes the mood is light hearted, sometime *s not. You can always steer the conversation to whatever you want to talk about. IMP  

(aka Bex) and I are there 3/4 of the time. (Check out that link to her blog if you want to get to know her better.)

And that’s all she wrote, folks.

P.S. Whoever is selling all this pot to my anxiety disorder…Stop it,already!

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One Response to “My Anxiety’s So High, It’s Been Smoking Pot”

  1. That’s a lot of dish time! No wonder your anxiety is through the roof. Between the dish and the weather, I’m sorry. We have to get your anxiety some good wheelchair weed!

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