Nada

I had the day/evening all to myself sans spawn.

Needless to say…I accomplished fuck all.

To my credit, I DID manage a trip to WalMart to cash the child support check and acquire some autumn clothing for my kid. (Last year, it stayed in the 70’s until late October, this year, wham!, all the summer clothes purchased are phased out by the cold weather). I did fairly well at that hell hole, around 5-6 p.m.

Given the main drag thru town was torn up by construction thus making a six mile trip feel like twenty miles of stop, start, OMFG, I almost readended that car in front of me cos my mind wanders!!!

It wasn’t til I hit Dollar Tree to buy a new $1 broom (I br0ke my old 0ne smashing roaches to death)…then the anxiety attacked like a fricking ninja. I got *most* of what I needed but I was sweating buckets. They had to open a second register and I think I line jumped just to escape the anxiety nightmare.

Also to my credit…in spite of my lack of will to ‘just do it’ I did manage clean clothes and such today and went to the shop for lunch with R. Occasionally, we share a laugh and mine was genuine. More often, he was on a pro-Trump tirade and I just smiled politely. Cos I don’t like either, and more importantly, I don’t have much use for politicians, period.

Except for Trey Gowdy, he totally calls these idgets on their (criminal) behavior.

He should absolutely be president, republican be damned. He wants TRUTH. I am down with that.

STILL not political and have zero desire to vote. Even if it means R belittles me with name calling. I’ve started to view him as I do Trump. Some valid points, BUT ultimately…an entitled egomaniac from means who has no clue what it is to be truly broke.

Just saying.

So anyway…a bumpy road today, figuratively and literally.

I accomplished nothing, really.

I guess my give a damn is decease, thank you and fuck you depression.

Why can’t I “mindfulness” myself out of this spot??? Am I evil? Lazy and in denial? Delusional?

You guys take a poll and let me know if I am a lost cause.

I remain unconvinced that I was ever found to begin with.

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3 Responses to “Nada”

  1. Not a lost cause. Never were. I’m impressed that you can manage a Walmart. That place gives me the heebie jeebies and hubby has taken to getting things that must be purchased there.

    I think lunch, Walmart shopping and Dollar Tree shopping count as getting a bunch of shit done.

    • I think it’s guilt cos I didn’t get stuff around the house done but honestly…all that dish time and anxiety leave me pretty wiped out. So if I view it the way you do….I got stuff done, just not what I had hoped for. Little victories, right?

      On Sat, Oct 1, 2016 at 2:11 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

      • Exactly. You’ll get the rest done. One of the hardest parts about this damn illness is that we still think we should be able to do everything that we used to. But, we can’t. I’m never satisfied with the amount of work I get done either, but my therapist keeps reminding me that at least I did something, and that is the important part.

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