I Should Not Post…

I am not so much depressed as…anxiety over the fucking edge.

And I KNOW, via comments left, even by the well meaning, I should NOT post when my mental state is anything but positive and sunshine spewing.

STILL…I rebel against the efforts to censor and silence. My reality is…it’s not always sunny and perfect on this side of the fence.

I am blaming less depression and bipolar and realizing…90% of it is anxiety. The ONE thing my shrinks are :uneasy” about increasing the dose on lest I turn out to be a Xanax fiend snorting crushed pills while smoking catnip.

It is the anxiety, on a daily level, that contributes to my sinking mood.

I will tell my doc this, tell him when and at what dose my anxiety was less brutal…I don’t have hope the new regime newbie shrinks will *get it* because a bunch of ass clowns abused alprazolam thus making an increase for me a no-no.

I just know outside the anxiety and panic, which make me so irritable, I may as well be manic..My old Xanax dose did wonders and it was only 1mg more, so is it not worth a try just to see if it helps to increase?

I know, I know, I am the imbalanced crazy one.

It does not make me wrong.


5 Responses to “I Should Not Post…”

  1. So sorry for your anxiety you are having, it is as bad to deal with as the depression. And I hope you always feel free to speak how you really feel, that’s why we blog. I hope you feel better soon sweetie! And if not I’m here to listen and understand about anxiety!

  2. If it’s any consolation, the grass is the exact same shade on my side of the fence. I’m glad we have an open gate between our yards. I can no longer post from work, so fml, but I’m out here and grateful to hear from you. After work, come over through the gate. I’ve got hot tea and chilled liquor in the bunker, we can look out at our yards and wait for the damned homeowner’s association letters. Fucking idiots. Anxiety? The doctor still hasn’t figured out whether the medication is working, I still haven’t got an appointment until October and I’m going to run out this week. It works a little, I wish it worked better. Ugh. I have to go to work. Where there’s no internet for stress relief any more. You’re not wrong at all. We’re just not all right. If i could have one wish it would be for a billion dollars. But if I can’t have that wish, I’d settle for having people understand better.

  3. Maybe Xanax just isn’t the one for you. Maybe you should make her let you try something different. My shrink (and the laws of SC) keep a pretty tight grip of when I get get scripts filled. I take 15 mg of Valium daily now, and I’m finally feeling like I’m not going to scrape my skin off from the anxiety.

  4. Ugh ugh ugh, how dare you want meds that give you a quality of life! You junkie! You madwoman! You… totally sane person getting treated like shit. I really hate people sometimes, and this whole having to tug forelocks to get a little reprieve makes me angry.

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