Tears, Tears, wherefor art thou tears?

Yesterday, our beloved cat Willow died. She was 6 and a half years old. She just got very skinny, wheezed a bit, and she was gone. I buried her and couldn’t even muster up a tear. Whereas last week, overrun by hormones, every tiny thing had me crying.

What the fuck is going on with me?

And as if my inability to cry on command doesn’t make me feel shitty enough, I can’t even find a recent pic of Willow because, right, my old laptop died and took everything with it. FFS.

I am so very frustrated with how topsy turvy it all is. And it doesn’t seem to get better. Yet sunshine gets spewed at me and my desire to Z Whack said spewers increases exponentially. DON’T tell me it will get better when obviously, it just gets worse for some of us. How about a supportive “sorry it sucks” as opposed to “Chin up, this is just a challenge, you’ll bounce back!”

What’s worse than the general anguish of bipolar and not being in control of your emotions?

Being medicated for bipolar to the point that you have NO emotions outside a hormonal shitstorm.

No wonder people think  I am either heartless or too mooshy. I have no middle ground. I either rage and cry, or I am numb.

Willow deserves a show of grief. She was my Gray Bitch. My Pillz-e.

Damn it.

And if anyone says “it’s just a cat” I will bash in a skull or ten.

 

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5 Responses to “Tears, Tears, wherefor art thou tears?”

  1. thefeatheredsleep Says:

    I’m very sorry, I know how painful that is, I hope they had a good life with you and I hope they knew how much you loved them as I’m sure they did. HUGS

  2. Sorry for your loss. I cry at everything right now. ❤

  3. I’m so sorry about Willow. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get into your old laptop and pull out your pics, so you have one of her.

    ‘Telling a bipolar person to try harder is like telling a deaf person to listen harder’

  4. Diane Tharp Says:

    Sissy I’m so sorry about Willow 😥

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