Is Lithium Sucking The Life Out Of Me?

I’ve been back on lithium since February and once again, I am hitting that point. The point where I question if the benefits are worth the side effects. No sex drive. No sense of happiness. Flat affect. Everything is a damned chore. Interacting with people is grueling. Things I normally enjoy are just mindless tasks I want to be done with.

None of this was a factor when I was on Lamictal. Lithium just has shit side effects. And I want it gone.

Actually, I want them to retool it so there is no nausea, no loss of sex drive, no flat affect. It’s been sixty years, ffs, make the stuff work without making the manic highs and lows seem better because at least I feel something.

I am absolutely astonished at how quickly I went from “doing better” on the Pristiq to nearing Splat all over again. I keep telling  myself it’s personal stuff, loss, grief, anxiety, stress…NO, I will not go to the doctor and tell him another med has failed. NO NO NO.

But I have to face facts. It’s TV premiere week and I am so uninterested. Not because anything is distracting me. I’m just so numb, it all seems pointless. I went back on lithium to ensure stability for dealing with the donor and court and all that. I’m not liking the current trade off, this feeling nothing.

The professionals wonder why some quit their meds, why others won’t take meds. It’s this. When taking the meds leads down this path to numbness. It really does make a good screaming manic episode seem appealing, least then you’re alive.

I don’t know what I will do. Keep taking the crap until I see el shrinko next month and ask if   we can increase the Pristiq even if for all purposes I am maxed out. Maybe go back to Lamictal?

Or maybe I can just stay asleep forever. I like sleep. Even with nightmares.

I want me back, damn it. If losing the screaming manic part means also losing, well, me…This is not a trade off I can live with.

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5 Responses to “Is Lithium Sucking The Life Out Of Me?”

  1. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Personally, I felt this with atypical antipsychotics, especially resperidone and latuda. I’m sure I’ve been on others that have done the same thing.

    I am currently on BOTH lamictal and lithium. It’s been a life saver, and I don’t have the side effects that most people complain of. The only side effects that I get from Lithium is memory and concentration problems. I don’t even have the tremors with the hands, I don’t even pee a lot. So I feel blessed. My doctor promised he will track my kidneys, and that they do get better once I get off. So I completely empathize with what you are doing, but both lamictal and lithium have really increased my quality of living. I genuinely hope, being bipolar myself, that you find relief, I really do. Being numb and flat is not fun.

    Good luck.

  2. God I relate so much to this post. I’m having so much trouble doing any kinds of tasks and I feel flat and emotionless. I’m coming out of a depression but not into a stability. The increase in Depakote I think is gently holding my head underwater only I’m too complacent to fight for my life. Does that make sense? Probably not but I’m too lazy to edit this post.

    Anyways. I hope the Lithium Blah will pass or something can be added to give you a sense of life, as miserable as it can be. I’ll knock you over the head with a Z-Whacker if you want a jolt?

  3. If you have no feelings at all, then you really should try to talk to the doctor about something else. Having a flat affect is no way to try to live life.

  4. I’m sorry. I hate that flat feeling. I have it now, too. I’m on both lamictal and lithium.

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