Pain And Drain

In serious menstrual pain today, in addition to my hormones clouding my thoughts and convincing me I am pretty much a wretched waste of space. I can’t begin to cover how not “yayness” this mental/physical space is. I have zero desire to do anything but binge watch The Closer. I have a ton of things I could and should be doing but…Nope. It’s not happening today. Fuck it.

It rained yesterday afternoon so I was not subjected to the spawn’s devil friends. That was a nice respite, especially since I am so sound sensitive and easy to annoy. But then came time for her school open house and wow, I didn’t want to go. Because it’s not like it used to be, where you go, see the class room, eat a cookie, and you’re done.

Nope. Thanks to this new “7 Habits of Leaders” regime the school is doing, we were all subjected to the tiny overly warm gym and thirty minutes of them repeating all the habits. Again and again and again. I was uncomfortable, bored, annoyed, and wanted it over with. I am too far gone for any of those habits to do me a damnedΒ  bit of good because be it my bipolar brain or stupid hormones, my good intentions would be vetoed by junk DNA.

The principal was all yayness and how successful this program has been and kids aren’t showing up late anymore. Um, yeah, you tell us we have to have them there by 7:45 a.m. or our kid will face consequences. That’s not the kid showing up because this leadership thing is enthralling. That’s adults trying to be compliant to avoid truancy issues. FFS.

To be fair, a week from now, I may see it differently as my hormones have me hating everything. Doubtful, as I don’t lead or follow and have zero interest in that sort of thing, but to be fair…I am not “quite right” atm.

The classroom part was quick and easy.

Spook pulled me aside in the media room where they had punch and cookies and asked me to talk to this aide, Mrs. L, who didn’t believe her when she said I put Lemmy in the car and took the cat for a ride.

I straightened Mrs. L out for her.Β  Because Morgue does kooky shit like take cats for rides in the car minus a pet taxi.

Once we were home, I finally was able to eat some food that didn’t make my stomach worse. R texted to ask why I was such an asshole to him the other night. I fell on my sword cos I know I get annoying during shark week stuff. Truth is, I wanted to text back, “you’ve taught me so well, I have surpassed the master”. But no, I don’t want to risk losing Mrs. R as a friend by alienating him. Idget. Then he asked me to order a part. I asked for a part number. He told me to come to the shop today and get the board itself.

I don’t get paid for this shit I do for him. I have one bad night in a year and piss him off and there’s only judgment.

Yeah, this is because I like Mrs. R so much. He’s just an annoyance.

I took 2 melatonin and was in bed before 9 p.m. Drained. Figured a good night’s sleep would recharge.

Nope. Today, I am in pain right to my spine. And it’s the season premiere of Z Nation and I’m too depressed to even give a damn cos I won’t enjoy it. Bloody hell.

I was going to take away a sleepover at Grandma’s for Spook cos she hit me the other day but now…Screw consistent parenting, I need a break. Even if it’s just laying in bed all day chain smoking or whatever. Yeah, I get a break when she is in school. And it’s all undone by all the company she has every single day. So…yeah, an evening off duty…I think I need that.

I hate feeling this way. With depression, I know it can lift and ebb and flow. With menstrual dysphoria, I know it’s around for a week at least and there’s not a thing I can do about it.

Having been such a bummer….I found this joke in an email and thought I’d share it, cos well, it made my grumpy butt tee hee a little.

A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, probably more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and shot his wife.

A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect. I meant “WIFI”, not “wife”.


34 Responses to “Pain And Drain”

  1. omfsm that joke. Shades of Sweeney Todd. Just all dark. I almost laughed, certain you understand. Sorry R can’t handle the native languages, snarkasm and vitriolic sardonicism. Stupid positivity. There’s nothing wrong with fostering good habits but there’s no guarantee they’ll actually work out the way we want them to- life can still be shit. Sorry you’re draining, paining and straining and not gaining. I’m using rage to feign that I care about shit, slap a smile on my ass and pretend like hell and maybe it’ll pass. I want to go back to sleep. Alone. Until I wake up, then I want company.

    • I almost never want company these days, I am just worn down by Spook and all her friends day in and day out. For some reason, I am supposed to feel bad for not wanting constant company but I don’t.
      If I had the flu and needed bed rest and no audience to my suffering, that’d be socially acceptable.
      But ya know, mental stuff, that simply isn’t considered.

  2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ That joke was a good one.
    As for hormones and junk DNA, I still think it’s badass you took Lemmy for a ride AND straightened out that aide. Woo! Maybe you should accidentally on purpose smack R in the face with a part….then you can blame it on meds or hormones. Or maybe Turrets. Just one smack.
    I don’t blame you on the noise and seclusion. I like it in my room, quiet. I can’t even get the volume on my phone or radio quiet enough to be just above a whisper. It’s like I have super hearing. Eff that bs. And children…I’d rather cut them off at the knees with a weed whacker.

    • I love you madly, but NO Z Nation spoilers before tomorrow night! I am finding it difficult to position the hot water bottle so that it helps the cramps, so I am gonna watch tomorrow! FYI, Spook saw a yellow El Camino at a car lot the other day and told me I should buy it and all my brain could see was zombies….;)

      On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 4:55 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • I can’t even watch it tonight….FL is on the verge of a mental meltdown and requiring lots of support, reassurance and love (i.e. coddling) So I will watch it tomorrow too! Ugh, I wish I could send you this rice pack we have. You heat it up in the microwave and it molds so well to where you need it (and lasts longer than a h2o bottle).
        Spook has excellent taste! You buy the El Camino and I’ll stand in the back for a couple miles and whack some puppies and kittens, then we can switch!

      • I almost gave that statement a thumbs up, then realized…PETA would be stupid enough to think we meant actual puppies and kittens! ❀

        On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 5:03 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • Screw PETA. Let them get their panties in a bunch. Let’s whack em. Because there won’t be a giant rolling cheese wheel across the Midwest taking out the Abes.

      • OMFG,dude, that bus full of Lincoln impersonators and the cheese wheel damn near made me pee myself!!! Gotta be cos I live in “the land of Lincoln”. He was an excellent president who did great things but damn, the “tourist-y” vibe gets so old you want their brains to be eaten!

        You, Leslie, and I need to have a pow wow after the premiere’s been watched by all. I heard a rumor they wanted to kill off, The Murph, she was afraid for Citizen Z, and obviously, you missed the memo that El Caminos died out many years ago….JOKING.

        Really, though…It’s nice to share something other than bipolar/depression/anxiety. We should work with that. ❀ ❀ ❀

        On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 5:06 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • I think I did pee myself watching that episode. That and the electric fence.
        Yes, wish we could all group chat somehow! They wanna WHAT?! Wouldn’t be any point of the show without him. Idgets. You know when the aliens take out all the electrical with EMP only good old classics will be driveable! πŸ˜‰
        Yes, it’s fucking GRAND to talk things other than mental health. Maybe we should find a Z Nation forum? If not, make one!

      • I don’t know about limiting it to Z Nation, but I think *most* of the tribe has interests other than what ails our scumbag brain. My inclination would be to go “old school” circa ’05,’06, and start a (forgive me for dating myself) “mental health/fun” chat room. Because, *some* of us can’t afford text/phone call costs. *Some of us* can’t do the background noise of an open phone/voice chat line. But a “meeting place” on the internet where we could simply be ourselves and chat with others…I don’t think I am the only dinosaur (person over 40) who would find this a bad thing. I’ve wanted to establish a safe space like that for years. I guess is took losing one of our own to make me say it out loud (so to speak). I know with work and your kids you are pretty busy all the time but at the same time…I am hoping someone will read this comment and be of the same mindset as me. Because I cannot count how many times a late night forum to chat saved my life from my scumbag brain over the last 15 years. I always want that available for anyone who is battling the demons that we do.


        Fuck the reply, I wrote NOVEL. yay ME.

        On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 5:26 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • Hell ya you’re writing! Great reply, really!
        I agree. We all have interests when scumbag brain isn’t being a bastard, and I would TOTALLY be in that chat room. Or messaging program (ICQ, did I show my age?) Would be fucking badass.
        I totally get where you are coming from, and completely respect it, and I agree. With all of it.
        It sucks what happened, really fucking does. Maybe SOMEONE can help make your dream a reality. Because fuck, knowing that lifeline is available is the difference. Even though I’m busy, I still hop on here and glance through my feed, and try to reply to comments (sometimes on lunch or before I get my heathens) but I MISS this place and my friends. WP saved my sanity ALOT after I left DB. Just by knowing that there’s the connection available.
        YAY! LET’S TALK ABOUT ANYTHING! But not about when it burns when you pee. You need to see a Dr for that one. πŸ˜‰

      • BLOODY HELL! My kid thinks any time she has chafing due to heat that it burns when she pees and the doctor explaining it does fuck all for Ms. Drama Llma! I was counting on you! ;P

        On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 5:52 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • She can rub some corn starch on it or sit with her hoo-ha facing the fan. And no, her friends can’t come inside to play. And no, mom can’t wait on her. She has to do it herself. Sass’s orders. πŸ˜‰

      • Will you come stay her a week and teach my demon there’s “worse” (discipline wise) than me? Even the Amazing R has failed to convinced her I am fairly lenient.

        I can buy orgasmic chocolate and roll it on my hairy legs…

        Oh,wow, epic fail, I did that wrong.

        Honestly, I think Blah would get a giggle.


        On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 6:01 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • I would LOVE to! R doesn’t know jack about jack πŸ˜‰
        I laughed so hard at that, because she TOTALLY would have called you out on it, then said no thank you. πŸ’–

      • I am grateful you perceived it that way, was a little worried it could be misconstrued. Maybe I wasn’t Blah’s bestie but if nothing else…She appreciated a running gag. I only meant to honor her.
        On the other hand…if anyone ever deserved a candy bar with leg hair it in…it’d be R-sole! (And Blah was the one who gave him that nickname so she’d totally laugh!)

      • πŸ™‚ I think the best part about her is she showed us each a little part, and collectively we got to see her whole πŸ’– She was SO good at nicknames!

      • So, one of the things that I have been thinking about trying to do is exactly what Morgue was saying. Some kind of chat room type area where everyone could gather and share whatever. Cool that you guys are already ahead of me on that!!!!

      • Great minds! It would be so beneficial to all of us. πŸ’–

      • It would. There used to be a chat room at weaknotsick but they have discontinued it due to lack of moderators. But, if we have an “invite only” one, we wouldn’t have to be concerned about that.

      • I don’t know the logistics of creating a chat room but I would love to have one called Freshly Depressed. In honor of Blah, as she had that graphic on her page. Plus, the wordpress connection would resonate with the tribe.
        I dunno, scumbag brain is just spitballing. Again. πŸ˜‰

      • Sounds like a great idea to me

      • YASSSS! How can we make this happen?!

      • I found a free site where we can do an invite only chat room, I am going to look into it some more. Just want to know if there’s interest since the world is so soaked up in text and social media.

      • I’m all for it! I haven’t been on Facebook in awhile, I don’t have twitter. Haven’t even been on Instagram, no Snapchat (the filters freak me the fuck out) I miss that kind of chatting, connecting, helping. LOVE YOU AND MORGUE!

      • Spook may be staying at my mom’s this weekend so I will have peace and quiet to look some more into this chat thing. I lurve the idea and it really is helpful…just want to make sure we find the right site that doesn’t require a rocket scientist to use. LOVE YOU GUYS BACK!

      • Love you back! And yes, lots of research is required, but no rocket scientists. πŸ˜‰

      • I’m going to talk to my brother about how to do something like this. He’s all about computers and could probably set it up in an hour!

      • Ask him if the room could also include a private messaging feature. Some shy people would rather discuss things one on one, in private. That seems important as well as the room/group aspect.

      • I can do that…good idea!

  3. Hah that joke made me spit my tea. And PMS/PMDD is really shit, I feel for you.

  4. Damn, my busy has kept me SO out of this conversation. I miss you!

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