There Is Nothing Easy About Suicide

Today is not simply a memorial to our fallen tribe leader, Ulla/Blahpolar. It is a day to draw attention to suicide and suicide prevention. Having said that…I’d like to go on record and state…I am so bloody sick of society’s dismissive “suicide is the easy way out” view.

No. There is NOTHING easy about suicide. Not one who falls so low they succumb to it, nor those who are left behind wondering if there was something else we could have done to make life seem worth living. To say suicide is the easy way out makes as much sense as going the long way around on a road of glass shards to get to the house next door. It’s non sensical and it’s rubbish. To reach the point where suicidal ideation becomes intent, well…It was not an easy journey.

It’s the end of the road.

And further angering me is when some ignorant person says “oh, committing suicide just means they were weak.”


You see, Ulla/Blah is the second person I’ve known on line to succumb to self destruction in search of peace. Back in 2004, it was the creator of the msn chat room I basically lived in. Kathy fought and fought some more. She was a mother to many of us, a friend, a sister, a jokester. She did battle to the best of her ability. And then she couldn’t battle a day more.

The truth is, there comes a time when whatever your demons, mental issues, drugs, etc- you hit the wall. I am lucky to have not hit my wall, merely come close. For those who do hit it…There’s no weakness, no selfishness involved. Their strength reserves are empty. They simply can’t go on anymore. It is not our place to judge them, blame them, or transfer our inability to understand suicide onto their actions.

Our place is to make sure their legacy lives on. I did not know Blahpolar as well as some did, but she was a good friend to me in a way that worked for us both. I will miss the link dumps and swapping bad puns with her. I will miss her heart which she poured into her posts, her humor, which was there even under the pain. I will miss her brilliant mind. And in an effort to keep her memory alive, so to speak…

I wrote this poem today. This is for Ulla/Blahpolar.

The Warrior

Like the warrior you were, you used every weapon in your arsenal

and valiantly you fought the demons within

Until those weapons dulled, crumbled- still you fought some more

You did battle without armor, you charged in without a shield

taking on shrapnel and bullets and wounds

You didn’t quit, didn’t give up, no surrender

you merely regrouped

Until one day the battle went on one day too long

you chose to retreat, waving a white flag

you laid down your arms

and finally found much deserved peace

Gone but not forgotten, always revered, imprinted on our hearts and minds

always you shall remain

Our hero, our heroine



10 Responses to “There Is Nothing Easy About Suicide”

  1. Fucking brilliantly put. All. Of. It. Much Z Whacker love to you, and your beautiful poem for/about Blah πŸ’–

  2. Beautiful, again poignant. Horrible that you/ we even have to write these fucking remembereceies/memorials/eulogies :’

  3. The person who commits suicide is not the person that you know and love, they’re some one else in that state of mind. Until somebody gets to that state of mind, they’ll never understand. Beautiful poem

  4. Just beautiful Morgue. And very well put.

  5. Lovely ppem Morgue. Having tried and not succeeded I can say I know that hopelessness well. I just wanted the pain to end. I am still fighting that battle. RIP Blahpolar ❀

  6. That was a beautiful poem for Blah.
    I just want her to come back again with one of her usual sarcastic repostes, maybe about how death was too quiet for her liking or something.

  7. Reblogged this on Invoke Delight and Inspire and commented:
    Blahpolar was one of the most awesome and inspiring people I ever met. I just kept hoping the next thing she tried would be the thing that helped with the crushing depression that had got its claws into her. And nothing worked. She did all the right things, went through all the proper channels, and none of it really did anything except give her the shittiest side effects of anyone ever. In between that she gave so much of herself over to supporting the rest of us. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t still be here if she hadn’t been around last August. God I’m going to miss her so much.

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