404: Sanity Not Found

Yesterday, I did not come back from dropping my kid at school and nap. I finished off a series I was watching then went to the shop for four hours to earn some smokes. Today, I could barely drag my butt out of bed at the alarm and lay in bed until it was time to go. I literally came back home and slept for 4 hours.

THIS feels like the start of the seasonal downward spiral.

But I always feel like that when my own behavior deviates (taking naps). It could just be plain old exhaustion. Hormones. Anxiety.

And I have anxiety to spare. My kid is still having her little friends over daily and that comes with bickering, fibbing, tattling, demands for food…I don’t know how “normal” parents handle it. It just seems so rude to me to explain, “I only made enough (x for supper) for two people so maybe another night you can eat with us” and the same kid asks three more times. For an 11 year old, this is rude. Annoying.

This getting an extrovert child is karma biting me on the ass.

This morning she was prattling on as I drove her to school and  you simply do NOT ignore or delay Ms Spook. Well, she was demanding an answer to her question, I was distracted by traffic coming all ways and a bunch of teenagers waiting for their bus and goofing off…My brain got so confused I started to accelerate and nearly pulled in front of someone.

How the hell do y’all not bipolar parents haul these chatterboxes around? My kid is more of a threat than texting, eating, and fiddling with the radio dial simultaneously.

One thing for sure…The Pristiq, like every other anti depressant before, does FUCK ALL for my anxiety even if the studies claim otherwise.

I really thought I was going to regain my sanity with school starting back up.

Instead I just keep getting that damned 404 message.

It’s got me frustrated and feeling like maybe i am just this wretched, ungrateful never happy or satisfied monster.

Because to face the truth- that there is something wrong with my brain wiring thus expecting me to have standard issue responses and feelings is ridiculous- well, much easier to assume I’m just a brat.

404: Compassion Never Found.

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9 Responses to “404: Sanity Not Found”

  1. Spanglish Jill Says:

    Yay for school! rainbowy unicorny side – you have the freedom to nap while Spook’s at school and not have to worry your kid’s gonna do some wacky experiment that will burn the house down while you’re catching your z’s!

    • Ha! When I fetched her today, I saw one of the upper grade girls wearing a shirt that said “Tired of being a princess, let’s be unicorns!”

      On Fri, Aug 26, 2016 at 1:04 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

      • Spanglish Jill Says:

        Lol! Awesome. I saw a very cool nerd t-shirt at Best Buy the other night…kid wearing it must’ve been 14 or 15 and it said “Never Trust an Atom. They Make Up Everything”. For a split second I was kinda jealous. I wanted to be a nerd too, and have that t-shirt.
        Why is it that I assume that kid’s smart just because he was wearing that damn t-shirt?!

  2. I sometimes have to shout out a shoosh at the kids. Then I get sassed for it. Oh well. At least they’ve been pretty good through this summer period in leaving me alone to work.

  3. 404 mental health not found

  4. You start talking about ‘Seasonal Downward Spiral’ I get worried you’ll miss our joint suicide bid at Christmas, you can just pretend and let me finish off the husk I am at that point!

    And dealt with children in car syndrome, you have my sympathies (which in matter of fact are useless to you, sorry!) but fear not… Was going to quote something way positive and shit but you’ll just send the demons you control to rip my heart out or something if I do!
    If by chance they can find my heart, figured it’s on a beach sipping cocktails with bikini clad models asking what happened to the loveless husk it left behind… Actually, send the demons

    Having potentially insulted, confused and annoyed you, I will slink back into my dark corner and scream silently

    • Insulted? You made me smile. That takes some doing! I’m still in on the joint holiday thing. Ugggghhhhhh. I luuurrrveee you,in a totally safe, platonic way. ❤

      On Sun, Aug 28, 2016 at 8:25 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  5. Dealing with knowing your responses to any given pressure are going to be “off” somewhat is a really hard pill to swallow.

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