School Haze

I would love to say having my kid back to school has cured me of all mental woes. Sadly…it offers some relief yet introduces new stressors. Not the least of which has been her anger issues of the last week where she balls her fists up, gets in your face, and screams or threatens you. I used to think, well, it’s just me she does it to, must be some parental defiance issue. Now she’s started doing it to her beloved devil girls and said at church tonight she even “got mad at God and almost lashed out”.  Then she came home and lashed out at me some more.


I can see a psych referral in her future since the anger/tantrums are getting worse and expanding toward others.

The last 3 mornings I have used as self recovery time. I am not one for naps or coming home and going back to sleep but this week…Three mornings in a row I returned to fort blankie after getting the kid delivered to school and I snoozed.

And still have managed to get “petri dish” chores done. Like getting my cousin a pizza for his 18th bday (two days after the fact but whatevs.) I went to Aldi for groceries. I returned a lamp to the post office for R.

The most daunting was the trip into the public aid office to drop off our med card renewal. Stood there waiting for 15 minutes. Maybe ten people there but it felt crowded to me. I sweat  buckets. My stomach churned in a spaztic colon way. My heart pounded. I got dizzy. It was disconcerting to have such extreme physical symptoms for something that was so simple.

What made it worthwhile was when I asked about an appointment and she said we’d get that done right now. She asked me two questions about the child support coming from state disbursement, told me the interview was over, and I’d hear from them. Well, hell, if all interviews were that quick and easy, it’d make the panic less. Maybe.

Family drama out the yin yang. My mom called me crying the other day as her brother, only remaining sibling (she was kid number ten) is in the hospital with cancer and it does not look good. Short of the one brother who got killed in a car wreck, mom has lost EVERY sibling to cancer. Good genetics are not on me and Spook’s side.

Dad and his woman showed up Saturday, bitching about my overgrown yard and how it was going to get me evicted. (When in fact, it was the landlord’s lazy ass employee who put down some weed killer, weed whacked a bit, and did not mow a square of grass as I requested.) My kid made a comment about, “Mommy wants a pet snake.” And yeah, I had a ball python (who froze to death when I was hospitalized and my jackass family turned te heat off in the apartment) at one time and I loved her and I want another snake even if I have to buy it for myself as a Christmas gift.

Dad tore into me about how I don’t have the money to feed myself properly.

Yes, I lost six pounds, I must be starving.

Such a dick. Not like I said I’d be getting a snake any time soon. Besides, once you’ve got the terrarium and heat rock/lighting, a small snake like my Ophelia would eat a mouse every three weeks, if that. As if my cats are fed that cheap!

Just such a benign thing for my kid to throw out there, his was an overreaction, a judgment, and not his fucking business anyway. Nor is my damned lawn.

My mom called to guilt trip me about how they have no food and (<insert unrelated bums>) were buying them groceries so my nephew would have food.

Yeah, totally on me that my sister lost her primary job (apparently telling your boss she’s not a nice person results in firing), mom decides the 18 year old with no job HAS to have a shiny 09 to cruise in which means two hundred bucks a month insurance…

I. don’t. get. my. family.

Sunday, Dad and his sasquatch were so seriously worried about my pending eviction due to the lawn they brought a mower to town and mowed the yard for me. Then said, “We’d charge anyone else forty bucks for that.”

I didn’t fucking ask them to do it.

The  next day I had to go by to see my nephew at Mom’s and she informs me that my dad is going around telling her and my sister that I am in some sort of blind jealousy over this  car she got for my nephew. Which just blindsided me because I hate newer cars. I am very content with the old Buick. There’s not a single feature on that newer car that I find appealing. So why my dad is saying I am jealous…Then she snapped at me not to mention to him that she told me cos then he’d be calling my sister and yelling at her for blabbing…

Surely, dear friends, you can see why I avoid my family at all costs. They are backstabbing, two faced asshats trying to start a war. I have enough drama trying to referee my kid’s social life, fuck all this family in fighting.

Dad further insulted me by asking me to bring Spook to see them. Well, they live 12 miles out of town, that’s 24 miles round trip, and I am getting good gas mileage but now that I have to take her to school daily…I can’t do it. Does he proffer a fiver? Offer to get me a gift card at the gas station? No. He just berates me for not having money saved up.

Now I didn’t graduate properly, I got a Good Enough Diploma, but I am pretty damned sure that it is IMPOSSIBLE to save if you’ve got more going out than coming in.

I wanna say he’s senile but the sad fact, my dad’s always been a dickbag. Like when I got the death trap hauled off. Ok, the guy gave me $75 bucks. Dad asked for it back, since he did pay for the car and things were so tight for them. (They were in the middle of a three thousand dollar bathroom remodel.)  I thought since I’d just filled the gas tank he might toss me a ten or a twenty. Nope. Not my warm fuzzy father.

And kicker- mom said he doesn’t pick on my sister the way he does on me. How did I get to be so special? Oh, riiight, I am the shame of his world, what with my “nit wit” pension disability check.

I try to keep it all in check, I know these people, family or not, are nuttier than most psych wards combined. It gets irksome.

So far, though…No mega calamities, we’re getting into a routine. Summer exhausted me so I think the morning naps may continue until I get to where I don’t need them. I’m not a daylight sleeper so if I am able to go back to sleep after a trip outside and with sun streaming in…Yeah, I’m tapped.

Of course, it could also be dealing w R and his militant love for Trump which he won’t back down on at all. I keep telling him “I don’t like either candidate and you can’t make me, so let’s agree to disagree or I’m not coming around anymore.”

Last night he said, “Whatever, goodnight” and walked away. Pouting like a child because he can’t force me to go against my own beliefs.

Reticent of my entire school life when the rednecks tried to get me trade in my black clothes and heavy metal for flannel and a Banjo.

Epic fails of history!

Now…Back to watching Dead Of Summer.  A series about a kid’s camp built on satanic ritual and lore just feels like the right thing to watch now.


6 Responses to “School Haze”

  1. Here’s to psycho family drama llamas, nit wit pensions, militant Trump pushers and school days….clown shoes and fuck a fancy bag. So glad you didn’t trade in black leather and metal for flannels and banjos. Makes you wonder if Armpitville USA citizens are descendants from Paul Bunion and Babe…which might explain for the combined IQ of the town.

    Here’s to Z Whackers and Cake vodka IVs while riding camelaffes down Main Street. (And I hope you are able to get Spook some help soon, for both your sakes {hugs})

  2. OMG you’re family drama is just so ridiculous. Have you ever just let the things that you are thinking come out of your mouth? Like telling your Dad ‘thanks, but I didn’t ask you to cut the grass?’ I have a lot of issues with my parents (you would not believe the stories) but it has gotten better since I showed them that I would not back down, and that I absolutely would walk away.

    • Oh, I tell them what I think, I shut them out (a year, once), but it never does a bit of good. Plus, now they have the grandchild card to wield and I have to pick battles wisely cos my kid is NOT on my side….Pfft. I could live with being an adult orphan, ya know?

      On Tue, Aug 30, 2016 at 6:29 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • Your kid, your rules. They wanna see Spook but can’t treat you even half way decently. It’s bullshit and I hate it for you.

      • I try to view the amusement in them constantly reminding me I am 43 but what have I done with my life…then they turn around and treat me like I am still a minor in their control. I don’t think I’m the only one who needs medicated here 😉

        On Tue, Aug 30, 2016 at 6:40 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • lolol probably not!

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