You Might Think…

Morgue hasn’t blogged in days, things must be going GREAT!

Normally an absence of more than 2 days means I am doing okay or I am down the rabbit hole.

Then there are also times like this, where I’m stuck down that hole, clinging to crumbling soil walls while it keeps crumbling.

Sounds so dramatic. Really just more mundane monotony.

Week 4 of my kid home 24-7. She’s been okay but then she got a splinter and we’ve gone to war. She won’t let me near her to remove it, thrashes, lashes, and screams. I’ve tried every approach (Including my dad’s ever popular “bust her ass”, meaning I swatted her butt, to no avail so what’s the point???). Last night I actually got her sat down, went to look at the splinter and before I could even touch her, she swung at me and drove the safety pin into my hand.

So she’s grounded. No allowance. No water park trip with the devil girls. And still, she won’t let me just yank the splinter. Yes, it seems ridiculous. I am a very large woman with anger issues, I should be able to take a sixty pound girl, right? I sat next to her yesterday and she started thrashing and screaming out the open window as if she were being tortured. It’s my word against hers so of course, I backed down. Her friend came by and I evenΒ  tried to get Spook to listen to A. No go. My child is psychotic, I swear. I can’t control her.

No that I ever could. Last time she had a splinter it was the same way. Had to wait for a family get together and my brother and I had to hold her down while stepmonster used the tweezers to pull the splinter, all the while Spook thrashed and screamed and my mom went bonkers that we were killing the kid and that fed Spook’s drama llama…

I’m fucking sick of this kid’s bullshit. I am sick of everyone having the fucking answer, as if I just sit on the sidelines doing my nails. Fuck you all, every single one of you. Until you are in my shoes, dealing with a kid who loves you as much as she hates you, a kid who for all purposes has no empathy and is a sociopath…

Oh, right, the child psych said not to use terms like that. I am the problem.

I’m not the one causing this drama over a fucking splinter in my hand.

Oh, fuck, I’ve gone crazy from the heat and become one of *those* mommy bloggers where everything, good or bad, is about my kid.

Nope. She would like that.

I woke up furious Saturday morning, it ruined even yard sales. That’s when it reminded me…ahh, shark week is coming. I’m rarely that pissed off for no reason, no matter who I am dealing with.

It’s been ninety plus degrees every day for a week now. In a tin trailer with no air…High humidity…Yeah, I am miserable. I don’t get invited to the water park. I did, however, stand out in the rain (first rain in 3 weeks) Sunday. It was wonderful. Now we are facing another week of nineties and it just drains me and makes me crankier.

Oopps. I was in a hurry to take my meds before I forgot, I can feel lithium nausea coming on. Yay.

Insurance company called last night. They are STILL, two weeks after the fact, refusing to cover the Metadate the doc prescribed. Told me I’ll need to sign a release for more info they need from the doctor. I told them I would try to pay cash, leave this fucking bullshit out of the equation. Ha…I didn’t realize even generics were that fucking pricy.

I guess the bottom line is…I am frustrated. The depression is not better. My kid makes me never want to be awake. Or is that the depression?

Prozac’s conking out on me. Again.

Am I making the least bit of sense? I don’t care. I needed to vent but I had to force it so it doesn’t matter if I sound stupid. Just gotta get this crap out of my head before it implodes.

Life seems pretty fucking pointless right now. I am worse off for money than I have ever been. Thanks a lot, “child support will solve all your problems” jackasses. Nope. Now it all goes on food yet my income is considered raised so I am expected to pay for everything else instead of my sliding scale I had. No, I don’t expect everything for free. I do, however, expect to maintain the status quo I’d had and now…I am worse off. I mean, way worse off.

I feel like a whiner. Yet I am so pissed off and frustrated and on the edge, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.

I hate me right now. I am so full of hormonal anger. It wasn’t there a week ago.

My kid just keeps mouthing me then playing victim,not a big fan of hers right now.

Two of my cats have vanished.

Oh, in my epic stupidity…The cat we call Feet, that I was told was male when it came to live here so I didn’t question it…Turns out it’s a female who just dropped six kittens on my step. One didn’t make it.

Just when is enough, enough? I get the car thing solved (except for ridding myself of the death trap, which oddly, is still sitting three weeks after R blamed me always driving it for him not being able to fix it. He hasn’t touched it once.) and now I’ve got half a dozen new problems.

To say I am not coping well is an understatement.

Okay. Nausea is getting bad. Need to figure that out. Stupid lithium, just has to work really well yet still has to have ass trash side effects.

I’m tapping out before sweat drips on the keyboard and shorts everything out.

I fucking hate summer.

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26 Responses to “You Might Think…”

  1. I’ve got nothing except the evil benadryl which might make her sleep long enough to remove it without her realizing it. Except, maybe let her soak her hands (call it a manicure day) in some epsom salt and gently warmed water and make her leave them there until her hands are almost pruny. It may not get the splinter out, but at least it’ll help avoid infection. Then, a little duct tape on top of the splinter and make her wait before pulling it off. Or, why not paint each other’s nails today? She’ll have to let you touch her hands then. You know best though. πŸ˜€ I think she’ll come around.

  2. Good luck with the splinter drama, it sounds bloody exhausting. Really sorry to hear you’re so down. Strongs morgue xox

  3. Morgue, I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. My plans for a multi-acred bipolar commune with a HUGE blankie fort in the middle are still on. Just have to win the powerball. And it will have air conditioning!

    I understand how you feel. When everything is going wrong and you’re down the rabbit hole and it feels like circumstances are just a big broomstick that keeps hitting you on the head to keep you in that hole. And good Lord the Lithium nausea. I get that shit the second the pill hits my tongue.

    Prozac is actually contraindicated for Lithium, although my pdoc has me on both as well. I’m actually getting ready to go there and we’re gonna have a talk about that.

    Love and hugs girl. Keep moving forward.

  4. It never occurred to me that you have a mommy blog. Maybe because your blog is interesting and not ONLY about Spook. Sorry she is acting like the devil. I was the same way growing up whenever I had a splinter. Yelled and screamed and thrashed. Hopefully she comes to her senses. You are doing a great job not strangling the girl! I have no patience for temper tantrums.

    Keep your chin up and drudge through. That’s all we can do in this life.

  5. Cake vodka. Camelaffes. Blankie forts with ac and long haired eye candy for you. And carbs and can chocolate hand rolled on the legs of lesbians. Cheers.

    • “Hand rolled on the legs of lesbians”. I have only ever heard that one from Blah. You two are…interesting πŸ˜‰

      On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 2:19 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

    • I don’t know what a camelaffe is. Poor underprivileged me! The rest sounts amazing, I think I would like the chocolate… mmmm and the vodka except can I have raspberry lime vodka tonic? This circle of friends could be very dangerous to be in, or fun.

      • Raspberry is fine so long as you keep it away from me. Oddly, it is one of the few smells that make me gag (along with tuna and beef broth). Fun sounds good to me. Camelraffes are hybrids of camels and giraffes. Not as beautiful as a pegacorn but majestic anyway. No money needed, only imagination πŸ˜‰

        On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 6:23 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Camelaffes are camel giraffe hybrids Morgue and Diane ride through the streets of Armpitville USA while hooked up to cake vodka and jagermeister IV drips. I’m sure we could get you a raspberry lime vodka tonic drip of yours like. Nothing can’t be done with us. Our will be fun as hell and dangerous. It’s a side effect of being with such awesome people!

      • Demmit! Just had to go and make me love you more! This is gonna blow my “anti social” label to hell!

        On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 7:02 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • You can still be anti social 5 days out of the week. 2 are mandatory weekly meetings of the “We hate life and need to drink” days

      • Finally! A club I can belong to without shame and actually look forward to!

        On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 7:09 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Woohoo! Wear your favorite black/goth attire! I found your favorite shade of lipstick to match your clothes! It’s called Fuck Off and only comes in jet black.

      • sorry for being such a virtually sociable type. When’s the next meeting of the “we hate everyone and everything and possibly each other” club? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ ❀ you all. DM We can meet at the bunker.

  6. Three hours x2 of work colleagues at a training course in my only two free evenings coming up
    Social filter meltdown by the weekend!

    A Sunday course, my Sunday…. only day anxiety and clock fever doesn’t strike me and…

    Someone I know is taking the crazy train to batville

    I often wonder what life without having to manage responsibilities would like, where I could get to be an A-Hole extreme and not feel guilt
    Then I realise, I’m so resentful of those A-Holes who I deal with on occasion and it pretty much fuels my stress!

    Life sucks…. nothing positive to follow

    • I’m with you. Many times I wanna know the down side to becoming one of the asshole sheeple only to realize…I couldn’t pull it off cos I have a conscience that kicks my ass. Nothing positive to say, no escape, no way to break free.

      On another note….I’d sell a freckle off my kid’s skin to know exactly what business you’re in that requires your free time. I wanna hunt ’em down and make them eat horn of pegacorn!

      On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 6:03 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

      • A business that is where “good people” like me are naturally gifted, and through our good nature ( and fear of losing my one money stream) cursed!
        But I do have a healthy sense of self loathing and a pub where I never drink alcohol to take the edge off

      • I am hoping “never drink” at the pub is code for “I GET SLOSHED WHEN I POSSIBLY CAN”. Otherwise, why go to a pub? You eat, you leave, you go home. Or go home and drink where it’s way cheaper. Of course, I fear people and crowds and wide open spaces so I don’t quite grasp “social”.

        On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 6:13 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • It’s half an hour from where anyone knows me, they have my order ready as I walk through the door and I’ve had three post breakdown meals after going postal depressive loathing style in the nearby field
        And I can be myself!!!

      • Duuude, I wanna be there with you! Here, even thirty miles away would mean my family would know what I am doing. It’s like, incest town here cos everybody is all up with everybody. Icky. Saddest thing is, I don’t associate with anyone and yet…I still become part of the gossip mill.

        On Tue, Jun 14, 2016 at 6:18 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

  7. PS: Chocs rolled on the legs of lesbians?
    I’ll file that under don’t ask or mention in civilised company!

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