Cooked OUT

Two cookouts in two days. Pardon my crassness but I am burping charcoal flavor and don’t care if I ever eat another hot dog or burger cooked on anyone’s grill, ever.

Today was not one of my finer days. I was anxious, worn out (people do it to me every time) and my kid had the devil girls here, playing inside. Three of them all bickering, tantrums, tattletelling…On my last nerve. I was gonna be nice and ask their dad if they could come to the cookout with Spook so she’d have playmates. NOPE. They couldn’t even play Uno without drama. Then the three of them started bawling and no longer like me. I’m crushed. The worst came when my kid told me J had said she hopes “Niki lives in hell”. I went to scold her and it turns out…my snowflake was the one who said it, not the devil girls. She LIED on her own friend and acted like it was nothing.

I sent them home. End of my rope, plus she deserved punishment for lying. Also, she told me to apologize to them and um…No. I am the adult. Those brats have cost me $20 in food and bottled water this week and most of that was them just grabbing shit before I could stop them. GRRR. Being nice does not pay because people just take and take. And what kind of whackadoodles are raising these greedy ungrateful bundles of demands? I know, same complaint for four years now, I need to grow up and OWN being the adult.

My kid puts me in an impossible situation over and over again. I offered her lunch before the girls got here today. She wasn’t hungry. Second they get here, she’s starving and so are her friends and I can’t feed her in front of them without offering them something (another one of my mother’s charming edicts she pounded into my skull) and bam…Twenty dollars in a week on kids that are not mine.

Why do people have to ruin everything? I try to be a decent person, pass out popsicles on a hot day, and all I get in return is this “you owe us” mentality. No amount of correction changes any of their heads, least of all my own.

Tonight I stuck to my guns and didn’t let her play when B came knocking. She’s pissed at me that J and A never did come back and were, in fact, playing at the new neighbor’s house. Good riddance.

I am so damned frustrated. Saturday I was on an even keel, the kids weren’t annoying me at all, I felt pretty damned good minus some gastric agony that prevented me from hitting some yard sales. (week two of missing them, that’s gotta be the depression’s lingering grip.) I want my state of mind from Saturday back. I don’t like being grouchy and irate and annoyed.

But these trailer park kids could push a saint to homicide.

In other news…I did not need to cremate my dad with the dragon-a-q.  We just didn’t discuss either car. I had a moment of sheer panic when my nephew, who was heir apparent to that Buick even though he has his mom willing to get a loan and help buy him something better if he ever gets his license…he kept asking me how much I wanted for it. Like, bitch, please. Mom gave it to me and I am not letting that car go until it is pried from my cold dead hands or ceases to run. Just makes me leery cos my mom has a tendency to cave when Little Lord Fauntleroy is involved. She’d throw me under the bus in a heartbeat if he hit the right manipulation buttons.

So…Friday cannot come soon enough. Once that car is in my name, I won’t have to worry about that drama bullshit. I’m a mom with a kid, I need a car a hell of a lot more than a 17 year old who’s not finished high school and has no job. In fact, today, one of my sister’s friends offered nephew C money to babysit her 8 year old son…And C said, “Oh, I can do it, I just don’t get up until after ten or eleven.” REALLY? You want money but the employer has to work around your “stayed up all night playing video games” schedule?

Maddening people, my family. Sadly, I know July 4th they will probably have another shindig, plus stepmonster and my brother’s birthdays are in July so that will be a fucking drama.

I want the meds to kick in and MAKE me look forward to all this shit.

Or at least make it seem like less of a chore.

I just can’t do the heat and sunlight very well. The lithium is an issue with sunlight and it’s not even staying hydrated. It’s like instead of feeling warmth, my skin feels sunburned. Now from what I’ve Googled the party line is that Lithium does not cause any photosensitivity. Yet a few years back I had a doctor who advised me to stay out of the sun for more than short bursts plus drink plenty of water because sweating could alter the lithium level in my blood. Anyway, I made a comment about the lithium and  sunlight making my skin feel burned and my dad sneered, “Oh, you poor baby….” Prick, serious shit can happen from this stuff…

I am so sick of ten different pieces of advice from ten different doctors. I am especially sick of the internet and its forums pushing information that’s simply not true or unestablished. Like lithium not causing photosensitivity. Yet it’s in the manufacturer list even though it was reported in less than 1% of patients.

Makes me want to flush all the pills (let the sewer crocodiles get stoned on lithium) and treat myself with whiskey and coke. No shocker on what happens there. You get buzzed, you puke, you get hungover and pray for death…then do it all over again.

With these meds…I don’t know whether to believe Dr. C or Dr. M or Dr.B…they all tell me different things about the same medication.

Guess I am stuck with current doc’s party line.

And now I am gonna go back to watching Hemlock Grove because werewolves are a lot less scary than trying to count all the mood swings this med increase has induced.


7 Responses to “Cooked OUT”

  1. My pdoc put me on a new med for depression that ‘has NO side effects’. Except that, anecdotally, it does. And she doesn’t believe me. Fucking doctors. We know more than they do

  2. It says you have 666 followers 😀

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