Give Me Novacaine

Excellent Greenday song, but seriously…My head is throbbing, I need brain novacaine.

Had another pea soup incident with the spawn. She took off without telling me she was going to the neighbor’s and I freaked when I didn’t see her out the window so I made her come home…She went ballistic. I had to physically catch her as she ran away, put her over my shoulder (like wrestling a gator, this kid is so strong) and pack her inside, all the while she is thrashing and screaming.

It was a bad one, though not as long or bad as Saturday night’s fit. I was at wit’s end and called my dad and stepmom, mainly because I wanted them to hear how she talks to me and how not even they were calming her down.  Stepmonster asked if I wanted them to come get her, keep her a day or two…(yes, please, get this monster away from me, I am having a nervous breakdown!) But I said NO. That would be rewarding her with a sleepover and playing at their house. NOPE.

It was nice that them talking to her didn’t make much difference. Everyone has me believing I am just inept as a parent and I am telling you, I have done everything short of a straight jacket, to get this kid in line. She just loses it.

51 minutes it lasted. She threw shoes at my head. A full bottle of water. She tried to throw her dvd player. She kept clawing at me, trying to hit me when I was near, growling, screaming that I am mean and stupid…

I don’t think a non bipolar parent could have withstood it without screaming or lashing out physically. The fact I manage is a miracle. Of course, I’ve started taping her episodes because it helps me remember to not let her bait me into the mud slinging area. It also helps after the fact if I hear it and make sure I am doing the right things in an effort to defuse the situation.

And then, BAM. She came out of it. Apologized. Hugged me. We played Old Bunny (Easter form of Old Maid.) It’s why I don’t lash out when she has the fits. Once they are over, she’s back to being my civilized kid. Kinda like my bipolar episodes. Except hers are almost always instigated with the word no or too much sugar, she gets violent, and they don’t last for more than an hour or two. I am gonna call the pediatrician tomorrow for a psych referral. Three years now I have been doing what this peds doc suggested with the counseling and the parenting skills thing and taking away stuff and every fucking thing under the sea….Nothing is working. I don’t deserve to live in fear of her fits and being hit.

Of course, after three years and no problems at school, I doubt the doctor will give me a referral. I’m the problem as the child psychologist said. My kid is just reacting to my anxiety and depression making her feel insecure, unsafe, and out of control.

Such a load of fucking bullshit. I have done nothing but try to make life as stable as possible for this kid. If there’s something unstable and upsetting the balance, it’s her out of control rage fits. I am tired of being blamed for her behavior. Especially if it’s like the males in my family and taking ADHD meds can fix it. BRING ON THE PILLS BEFORE I RUN AWAY FROM HOME.

It is not a good feeling when you realize, I don’t like my child. Of course, underneath, you know you love that child and you do like them, but when they are being abusive to you in every way…How could you not dislike them at that time? It’s just logical, even for a parent.

So…she is grounded for a week. She’s sleeping now. My head hurts in spite of pain killer. I just got rid of one of my churning stomach acid tummy episodes, which indicates just how high my stress level has gone. All because I exercised discipline for improper behavior and told her she had to come home for the night.

She is NOT gonna win. NOPE.

But I am also not too arrogant to admit, I need help here, time to call in reinforcements even it’s in the form of a shrink and pills.

I did manage to make a little headway on the housework today, between her demands and fits. I am buried alive with the laundry to be washed and folded but…I got dishes done, she cleaned the cat boxes, and I vacuumed the living room. It’s something, right?

I think, IF, I can drag my ass out of bed in the morning before ten a.m. (yes, you can loosely watch your kid while dozing in and out)…I will go get my bloodwork done for the lithium level. Just take her with me. I have to grab a pizza for my sister’s birthday gift, so I will be out anyway. I want school back in session already, fuck this spring break shit.

If something isn’t done by summer vacation….I will be in a straight jacket sucking down haladol cocktails at the rubber ramada bar.

Donate or Spread the Word, PLEASE


6 Responses to “Give Me Novacaine”

  1. andrewsaltarelli Says:

    Pretty much, y’all. Leave a Reply is asking too much. As a chronic fuck up, muck up, shut the DUCK up: because my mouth ruckus makes your mouth look like a little tiny little FUCK UP…Morgue was the one who…even tho our “esthetic tastes” our likes and lambs and wolves were different. Hell yeah. Morgue was the kindest. Is the kindest. Well, I guess. What does that mean? Cos she has no money? I would say. Has the cleanest heart. Has the purest heart. Has the filthiest mind! Fuck yeah! If I didn’t say that Morgue you would all strike me down or be pissed or something. Haha. I am Andrew.

  2. I really hope you can get a psych referral fast morgue, sounds like you guys are having a tough time there.

  3. Holy shit Morgue. I’m really glad that you are taping this stuff now. If that doctor doesn’t give you a referral, make an appointment and play him the damn tapes. Because she needs someone to talk to.

    Here’s the thing. And don’t get pissed until you read the whole thing. The child psychologist is an idiot because she didn’t take Spook on. Her episodes *might* be due to your bipolar, but not in the way they say. She may be afraid for you because you’re sick. And she isn’t really old enough to know how to express herself in the way that she needs to. So she’s acting out because she doesn’t know what else to do. I know that she’s doing it when you say no to her, but that’s her trigger. I seriously doubt that she feels insecure or unsafe. You’re a great person, and I’m sure you’re a great parent. Force these assholes to get her to a child psychologist or therapist.

    I’m sorry if I’ve made you angry. It’s not my intent at all. ❤

    • Not angry at all. I know my kid is playing me, to an extent. But, I also know all offspring from my immediate family consists of those imbalanced enough to need a pill.
      I don’t believe my kid is evil.
      I just think there is something going on with her and I need help.

      • Whew…never know when you give someone advice about their kid, how they will take it. Make them listen. Do you have to have a referral for Medicaid?

  4. Taping her episodes is an excellent strategy. It proves your case for a referral, and proves to yourself and other accusers that you are not doing anything wrong. Your tolerance and understanding is above and beyond

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