A Storm Not Related To My Mood

We had a hella storm last night. Thunder, lightning, torrential rain, golf ball sized hail. Living in a “mobile home” (which always makes me think of an RV and that’s why I call our place a trailer cos this bitch ain’t moved an inch in 7 years) during tornado season is just part and parcel. My immediate concerns were, are the stray cats safe under something and 2, OMG MY ELECTRONICS COULD BE FRIED, MUST PROTECT COMPUTERS…. Well, sue me, my kid and I were safely indoors and not on a surge protector that was bought at the dollar store.

I was keeping calm, wary, looking at Weather Bug. Aware, but not spazzing.

Then came the town’s emergency storm siren and a tornado warning cos one touched down 5 miles outside of town. Trying to remain calm so my kid would see mommy calm and not get too spazzed herself, I went back to the weather report. “Take shelter immediately, especially if you live in a mobile home.”

Hmm…Golf ball hail, rain so thick you can’t see to drive, and a tornado that could reach town quicker than I can drive to my mom’s basement.

So I went back into awareness mode. Check the weather. What direction and how fast is the tornado coming? I kept checking every couple of minutes. (I mean, as long as I have power and wifi, I don’t really sweat this tornado stuff. Beats going to a crowded mall on the panic scale.)

I told my kid exactly what we’d do if it go close, prepped us with a stash of blankets and a cell phone nearby. I was being calm and responsible.

THEN my idget mother had to call my cell and she was all freaking out, the sirens were still going off, and it was on speaker cos I can’t hear on that junk ass phone any other way…So my mom is freaking, screeching, nearly bawling about “get to our basement, you protect that baby!” And this of course sent my kid into a meltdown.

Ugh…Was I unnerved by it all? Yeah. But that was background noise to be ignored. It was my mom that set me off because she set my kid off. I am the ADULT. Other than basic preparedness which they teach at school, it’s my job to protect my kid and put on the brave face so she knows someone is calm and in control and will take care of her.

Instead my mom just made it a hundred times worse, passing her panic onto my daughter, which after an hour of her being so upset ended up with me taking a Xanax and wishing for a stiff drink and a muzzle for my mom.

I let the kid sleep in my bed, both cos she was scared and cos I was being wary and prepared. I stayed awake til  11 p.m. after the warning ended. Weather had calmed. Cars were driving by. Figured, if I have to go to the shop and even minutely deal with R and the petri dish I’d better get some rest. Up and down, toss and turn. I eventually took a melatonin, at which point my kid woke up (midnight) and decided it was chatty kathy play time.

I did not sleep well. It took forever for the melatonin to kick in. My mind just raced with how angry I was at my mother for her “good intentions” causing everything to be worse.

That was when it hit me. If my mom, nearing 70 years old, still panics like a child over storms…Is it any wonder I have an anxiety disorder? I don’t remember a whole lot before age 10 when she truly put me in the middle of her anxieties, but I wonder…what the hell did the woman do when I small? “OMG, Bob Barker’s not hosting The Price Is Right this week, panic, the world is gonna end!”

Laugh but I am serious. I seem to handle emergent situations so calmly yet the small stuff others don’t sweat (like malls, concerts, traffic) send me over the edge. It occurs to me I was doomed in the womb. If genetically predisposed to anxiety and then witnessing it every day and having it transferred onto me at such a young age mean much…I was indeed doomed.

Well, now your mom programmed you, what are you gonna do about it?

I am going to try like hell not to stunt my own child that way, then I am gonna take a fuckin’ Xanax, endure another day in ADD hell, and go to fuckin’ Disneyland.

Really, I have internet, I can take a virtual tour…

Screw it, I’d rather spend time with the Twisty the Clown from American Horror Story Freakshow than Disney characters. Clowns are creepy but if I had to face off with Elsa after two years of Frozen Fever…Bitch be wishing she’d get swept up by a tornado.

Barbwire mace in her face…

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16 Responses to “A Storm Not Related To My Mood”

  1. I’m glad you’re OK. Tornados freak me out a little and I live in an area where they usually either divert north or south. But last time the sirens went off the news said one had “possibly” touched down only a tiny bit north of us, There were “possibly” mangled trees and rooftops too. Here’s hoping they keep on missing us. But if you wake up one morning and your trailer has moved to our back yard, that’s fine with me. We’ll ask forgiveness from the homeowners ass*ociation rather than permission, due to it being an act of God. My bunker is just north of Oz. (Don’t be decieved, the yellow brick road got paved over 50 years ago.) And the school bus picks up two houses down. I don’t EVER want to go to Disney anything again. “It’s a small world,” and I need some room to breathe please.

  2. So basically…everything was completely fine until Mom called and smashed it all to hell. That’s just awesome. Nothing like scaring the crap outta a 6 year old instead of teaching her how to deal with things responsibly.

  3. You singing the ‘Let it go’ song
    Barbwire springing up from the ground and building a fortress, as fire reigns down on the nearest idiot to you

    That would be fun to watch, and no I’m not screwed up for saying that, I’m fucked up!!

    My version of ‘let it go’ is 18 rated and true horror

    • Actually…my kid has a clip of me singing “Let It Go” (audio version, done by Pellek in metal form, via youtube). It ain’t pretty.
      But ya know, my dad always asks for a pic of me and says it’s to run mice off at his house so…I could be less bad than I think I am. I just wasn’t instilled with self esteem.
      That and anything Disney, even metal, is garbage.

  4. Honestly, how do you not smack your mom for acting like that? If my mom ever gets to that point-and I’m sure she will-she’s getting a nice right hand to the face. Only to knock some sense into her.
    I cannot fucking believe her… The other post about your dad (which I will reply to) then this…and you were doing a great job of keeping calm for Spook. Not easy and proud of you woman.
    Now, can I go all Sasszilla on R, mommy dear and daddy dearest? I’m hormonal and I’ve been taking it out on poor Florida. So now I owe him like 3 blow jobs…

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