Requiem For a Manic Depressive

Oh, yes, I am obviously still alive if writing this. Still…I ask for a requiem for this formerly free spirited soul.

For the depression has overwhelmed the manic and I am trapped here in limbo, too anxious to break free, to depressed to truly see light at the end of the tunnel. I may as well be dead. The good parts of me, the parts that made me more than a sad husk, that made me interesting, made me enjoy being alive…

Stolen by depression. I try to look ahead to spring, surely then the seasonal depression will lift…But it doesn’t always work that way.

I search my soul for whatever bad habits of behavior I can change to escape my invisible prison…Yet I can find no sin I have committed. I can only act according to the messages my brain puts out. Right now it tells me everything is dark, bleak, futile, it will never get better.

I know it may not get better today or tomorrow or next month but I will inevitably have a month or two stretch of living life, enjoying it with zest. Waiting for that cycle to come and revive me, to bring me back to life….Just seems so distant, so impossible.

I miss me. The fun mom, the fun friend, the woman with so many creative hobbies she never gets bored…I want me back.

So…requiem for a manic depressive.

Bring Me  To Life.

 

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8 Responses to “Requiem For a Manic Depressive”

  1. Sorry you are feeling so depressed. I will join you in misery. Misery loves company they say. I still keep up my devotionals for those that enjoy them and writing them takes my mind off some of my misery. ❤ you

  2. Thank you for writing this. I am sorry you are going through it. So many of the brightest I know us seem to be down in the dark place right now. February sucks. Keep writing. Keep aiming for the light.

  3. This fucking disorder!!

  4. I so love you, Morgue. From the tears and prayers of my emptiness, to yours.~ Deon

  5. Love you Morgue ❤ ❤ ❤

  6. £0¥€ ❤ ya Sis! Partner in misery,,,

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