My Bloody Valentine

Rest easy, I’ve not maimed or killed anyone. I just remember one of my favorite movies as a kid was My Bloody Valentine, seems as appropriate a title as anything. (Yes my mom let me watch it when I was 8, she also treated me to Motel Hell, and yet…I’m not a serial killer, go figure.)

I think what got my dander up to write a post is watching Deadly Women. No matter how many times I watch the same episodes, I am always triggered when their “profiler” Candace Delong weighs in on those with bipolar disorder. In the past it’s been the sheer idiocy involved in, “She took benzodiazepine to control her bipolar disorder.” Um,fact check much?

Today it was: “People with bipolar disorder SUFFER…The people around them SUFFER EVEN MORE.”

What the fuck?

Yes, it IS difficult to live with someone who is bipolar.

But to say those around us suffer more than we do when they have the luxury of walking away whereas this is what we’re stuck with???? I don’t fucking think so.

Not to downplay how hard it is on those around us. But it’s akin to saying a cancer patient’s family suffers more than they do.

Mental health disorders are the bastard child of the health world. We are dismissed, labeled, stigmatized, and even the professionals don’t seem to put much stock in our plight. It all seems so fucking futile. And let’s not forget the “Buck up!” mentality. GRRRR. I am not a violent person nor am I easily angered while medicated properly but I gotta say…This misinformation and sheer ignorance out there as far as mental health issues are concerned…makes me wanna hulk out a bit.

Today has been far more productive than yesterday even though it is far colder and very snowy. I already went out into the dish cos derp, I forgot to get my kid something for Valentine’s. That was fun, trying to see even though my windshields were frosted inside and out. Pfftt.

Mom called to tell me my sister will bring her home later today and that’s a relief.

Gave me time to do dishes, burn Spook a dvd, I even baked sugar cookies and decorated them with pink icing and sparkles. (Trust me, it’s a big deal as I am not even a distant bastard relative of Betty Crocker.) I tried to write but ha, all the stress has me blocked yet again. I can’t write about happy stuff (even if filled with strife) when all I am feeling is the anxiety and strife. My brain is imbalanced.

And why wouldn’t it be. My mom’s biopsy is this week, court is this week. That’d stress a normal person out. For one with my rioting anxiety disorder, I am back in a place where everything has halted until the awful stuff is over.

Other than that…quiet day so far. I even put on clean clothes, albeit slobwear chic.  I want warmth, not fashion brownie points.

Now I am hitting my wall. Functionality quota met. Blah.

AND I won the lithium lottery today, no nausea. Stomach’s settled a bit.

That can only mean one thing.


Not pessimism, just wariness. Cos if I am wrong, I get to be pleasantly surprised. If am I right, I am not caught unaware. Win, win.

Fuck therapy and its sunshine spewing new method.

Much like this core math they’re teaching these days, it’s all more convoluted and difficult than it needs to be and it sucks.

Not that I am opinionated.


9 Responses to “My Bloody Valentine”

  1. I’m trying to get my shit together to bake a cake….not a homemade cake just a box cake….and so far…no dice.

  2. My 7 y/o Jayden made brownies (honestly, I helped, , especially with oven, measuring some) ‘Motel Hell’ was on last night at 8:00. I didn’t watch it this time. &&& ~ ‘ ALL HELL’S BREAKING LOOSE’ KISS – awesome song!

  3. There are two things in life I just can’t do for anyone, no matter how much I love them: I can’t go jogging with them and I can’t bake any cakes or pastries. Anyone able to successfully do these things for someone else is amazing. I have never successfully baked a normal cake in my life. I nearly killed a previous romantic partner by feeding him my homemade cake once. I don’t know what it is about cake-type foods but they’re impossible for me to make.
    As for the crap on the TV about bipolar – what the fuck?

    • I made my kid a Tinky Winky cake for her second birthday. It turned out pretty well considering I have all the culinary and art skill of a snail. I just can’t cook with people watching me, nope. On my own there’s a good chance it won’t involve food poisoning. If there’s an audience…
      We’re all gonna die cos I’d probably mistake boric acid as flour in my anxiety.

      • LOL boric acid would make a great cake to send to the cast of Desperate Housewives. I can live in hope.
        Shaped cakes in recognizable shapes???? Voodoo magic! The last cake I tried to make turned out like a pebble beach (where it was burnt) with the tide coming in (where the cake was still runny).
        Someone recently asked me if I could make them some cakes for their wedding. When I stopped laughing hysterically I had to apologize about fifty times while I turned them down. I can do any other type of cooking (with a recipe, but it’s got to be American measures; grams don’t cut it when there’s perfectly good cups) but not cakes or pastry.

  4. Life single, disappointed

  5. Core math or common core education is like Apple: too many irrelevant steps to get something done. Idk about you, but I don’t think kids these kids will use those long ass math skills when working at the local bowling alley… There’s not enough room on the score card.

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