How To Write A Blog Post People Will Want To Read

Ha, another joke title. I have NO idea how to write drivel to appeal to the mindless masses which is why my blog is so obscured and rarely liked or commented on. I am okay with this. I just like fucking with people who skim titles to determine if they want to read a post. Blogging how to’s seem to be popular with the sheeple cos ya know, everyone wants their fifteen minutes of “I got thirty likes on my post about why drying paint is so intellectually stimulating!”

Meanwhile those of us with actual writing talent and something of substance to say languish with hundreds of “followers” only ten of whom ever bother to interact. If I had ever in my life been popular this might hurt all two of my feelings. As an eternal outcast it’s just one more reason sheeple deserve a spork in the eye. THAT brings joy to all two of my feelings.

I woke up at 3:15 a.m. Tried but could not get to sleep. Round and round went scumbag brain. So I finally just got up, made some iced tea, fed the cats , brought the laptop to the living room since my bed has been commandeered by a six year bed hog and various cats. I watched Arrow. Packed my kid’s lunch. Signed off on her reading log for the month. I even ate some breakfast. Or more accurately, nuked one of those brown and serve breakie trays I got for a buck. I ate the sausage and tater tots, saved the pancakes for Spook. Then I took my breakfast of champions.

pillzySix pills for breakfast. Then another seven for evening. Thirteen pills a day, that’s hardcore. I don’t know how anyone could still be depressed, anxious, or have trouble sleeping with all these pills being shoveled. I guess I am special.

Last night was wasteland time. I just crashed into this depressed sleepy place but of course, scumbag brain wouldn’t shut up and get on board with the sleep thing. I tried so hard not to resort to Restoril but I failed and took a 30 as opposed to a 15. For all the good it did. Takes too long to kick in,  still wake up multiple times a night, and every morning I battle the sleep logged hangover. Blah.

On a positive note, I did pork chops and garlic mashed potatoes for supper last night with green beans and…my kid actually ate it and didn’t complain. This is like an eclipse.

Today I need to go back to the housework thing but I can’t vacuum til walmart.com delivers my bags next week. I am predicting an energy crash around nine, ten a.m that necessitates a nap. I hate taking naps, it makes me feel slothful. Why oh why cant I just sleep through the night???

Ya know, I was pondering why I crashed so hard last night but now it hits me…I did a bunch of dish time yesterday. I went to six different stores, stopped by mom’s, faced the spewage of the brightly colored shrieking mass exodus of kids getting out of school…That’s a lot of input for my brain. No wonder it took my ass down by seven thirty p.m.

And now that it is almost time to wake her and get her to school….sleepiness has arrived. The universe has a sadistic sense of humor.

 

 

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19 Responses to “How To Write A Blog Post People Will Want To Read”

  1. Wow! You got all of TEN people interacting with you? Damn! Give me that how-to list! 😉

    Ugh. Pill breakfast. ❤

    • The secret to my lack of success is…no connecting to social media and no passing out links to promote my blog. Every single follower has happened upon it of their own accord even if most sit in the corner making faces at me. (Least this is what I imagine them doing ‘cos ya know, I get bored.)
      Pill breakfast, lunch, supper. I am waiting for the doc to give me something to pop for dessert. Maybe I can put whipped cream on it…

      • lol! I understand your imaginings all too well. And whipped cream is good on just about everything…mmmmm….whipped cream!

  2. I’m supposed to be close to 150 followers but I think 3 or 4 actually say anything to me normally. Is 2% good? Yeah, it might be harder to manage otherwise. The other 146 can stay quiet and not let me know whether my spewage is worthless or actually encouraging or funny to them. Who can keep up with the emails anyway? I mean, I like comments but this isn’t a full-time occupation. I’m no Jason Cushman.

    My son forgot his ADD pill today and ran out without eating any breakfast- I made homemade bread dough last night, and woke up to bake it at 5AM. Praying hard for him to be able to focus today. Could be a rough one for him.

    I like drying paint. I just don’t like that it smells funky. I like that it sits there quietly and doesn’t move, and nobody pokes it and wants it to move. If I believed in it, in another life maybe I could be paint. Or maybe I could figure out how to get paid blogging and writing.

    • I leave you excellent comments, spork the others 😉

      • yes you do. 🙂 as for sporking the others, well, only if they’re mean to me. then I break out the rusty (but allegedly) stainless steel one and wrap it in purple lace and barbed wire. (I like purple, what can I say?) I could think of a lot of sensational titles and tags, but I’m afraid that would attract the wrong kind of followers. “Look at the TITS!” was one I thought of, I think that’s a Steve Martin quote but can’t remember from where. There was a great blog and conversation out there yesterday about that, but the lovely writer was all about the modesty, which I respect. https://stephellaneous.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/to-cleave-or-not-to-cleave-that-is-the-question/
        I avoid using any eye makeup and blush and fingernail polish and try not to wear fancy clothes, especially from places like Victoria’s Secret, as to not attract undue attention. Unless Goodwill grabs your eye. I think I’ll go there and check out the books tonight. Goodwill has saved my ass a couple of times with, among other things, a timely jacket and tie for a wedding. (thanks, God) But right now all I want to wear are warm sweaters and sweatpants and thermal socks.

      • I prefer Salvation Army myself, as it is closer. And summer yard sales are like heroin for me.
        I guess that’s a no on the purple teddy for you to wear on Valentine’s Day for the Mrs.?

      • the idea does intrigue me. wonder if this comes in adult sizes: http://www.costumecraze.com/product/DEAD21

      • Dude, that is one step from being a Tinky Winky costume. I don’t know the missues but I am gonna assume she’s not into Teletubbie porn….

      • Who’s the one who suggested a “teddy?” I just went to Grateful Dead dancing (teddy) bears by some kind of weirdness default I guess. Because I like them. And of course I went with the purple one. And of course I went with something that looked warm, because it’s too damn cold in my house. If she ever did read it and saw the picture, Mrs M would laugh her ass off.

  3. You’re a very entertaining writer. I love stopping by to read. I am trying this new thing where I don’t always say what is on my mind, because the last blogger that I was reading was always bitching about her relationship woes and her family (she is exactly like them) and when I’d offer advice, she’d tell me it wasn’t needed or appreciated, and then she called me a fat, ignorant cow. So … sometimes I read, hit the ‘like’ button, have a giggle at spork stabbing references, and move on.

    • On an old blog I’d vent about the donor and some douche left a message saying, “If I were your husband, I’d kill myself to escape you.”

      He’s my favorite commenter, ever, because he proves my misanthropy to be well justified ;P

      Thanks for visiting my Sporkiverse and feel free to take a free barbwire plated sample spork with you.

      On Thu, Jan 28, 2016 at 8:43 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  4. Ha!! ‘Like’ times 1,000! I was gonna unfollow & (re) follow you a buncha times so you’d ‘get’ more followers LOL!! I read all your posts Chicka ! 😀 I take 11 psych candies a day plus usually 4 aspirin for chronic (MVA severe head injuries acquired long ago) YIPPEE!! NO wonder you were burnt out, so much running n so busy!

  5. You definitely know how to write a post that I like to read…and I nominated you for a blogging award as a result. https://braindifferent.wordpress.com/2016/01/28/blogger-recognition-award/

  6. And this is the exact reason why I follow your blog. You tell it like it is and if people don’t like it then spork’em! I have a short list of people that I follow back because I want to get to know the people I’m reading about and if I have like a 1000 people I’m following then what’s the point? You matter to me just like every other person I follow. Sometimes I like because I find your posts super funny/sad/relentless/etc. AND I’ll comment if I have something important to say. That’s about it. But I read EVERYONE’S blogs I follow. I like to think that even though I have a few hundred followers, the ones that I care about keep talking to me.

    I’ll admit to getting caught up in the promotions and glitz and glam but I try and keep myself grounded so I DON’T end up selling out. My stuff keeps getting banned on social media sites because it’s too raw and honest. And of course the sheeple don’t like that. They want the paint drying or how to live a happy life in 6 easy steps bullshit. Fucking boring!

    And the reason I use social media is because I can have conversations with friends who follow me and we can check up on each other and make sure the tribe is doing OK. That’s the best part. Real conversations with real people. That in and of itself has done more for me than therapy ever has!! Fucking sad but true.

  7. Nothing useful to say….so I’ll just comment nothing useful

  8. I don’t want to hear about your problems. I want to bitch about mine. Stick a fork in my fucking eye already.

  9. You said that so well 🙂 Thank you. ❤

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