COME ON! FML Post #5049

After 3 uneventful kid free days in which I managed to dye my hair and shower (sad that these are monumental events)…they returned my child to me coughing up a lung and ten minutes in…I found a live louse in her hair. 18 months without a single case of head lice and BAM!

True to form I started coming undone. I mean, BIG TIME. Not because lice is something shameful, kids get it, bfd, but because…I’m already overwhelmed, anxious over the court thing, can’t keep up with the housework, and now I have to treat both of us plus wash all bedding and bag up what can’t be washed. On average, it takes four days for me to get all the nits out of her hair cos even in bright light and magnified I can’t see them and after two days, the school marks absences unexcused…


So I spent a half hour last night spinning my wheels, freaking out, wanting to cry…And then I decided, fuck it,  I have to deal with it,so we went out and fetched mayo and came home and both did the mayo/shower cap bit. Super cruel for me because mayo makes me gag, can’t stand the smell, texture, let alone the taste and my head was coated in it for ten hours. Ick. (There goes my fresh dye job, too, it’s gonna fade, and it took me five bloody months of looking at that box before I worked up energy to use it, fuck.)

Spook woke up in the middle of the night with a tummy  ache. She was sweating and trembling from a fever break.

I set the alarm so I could call her in absent and managed to snooze until quarter after eight, which is a no no cos they need all kids accounted for to order lunches…Bloody hell.

Promptly washed the mayo out of our hair and used the some tea tree oil/mint shampoo, leaving just enough in for the lice comb to slide in easily and rid whatever nits there may be. ( I always treat myself even if not symptomatic, just easier than chancing it.)  We have stripped everything and I have the washer and dryer working triple time. She’s still hacking up a lung and a spork and some sort of car part, maybe a distributor cap…And I am coughing again, my nose all running, when I was fine for three days, fuck you cold weather and allergens.

I am trying to cope but gotta say…This just seems like a cruel turn of events. That court hearing has me so knotted up I’d almost rather sign myself into the rubber ramada for a day. Damn myself for having principles, if I’d just let it go with one month retroactive, I wouldn’t have to appear. But ya know what? THat is Spook’s money and she is entitled to it, if I don’t fight for her, no one will. Just be nice to have some valium about now.

I am further irked the school didn’t send home parent warnings about a reported case of lice so we’d all have been on the look out. Lice season is generally fall/spring and my kid and I have very dry scalps so an itch here and there isn’t really an attention getter.

Cripes. This whole “God never puts more on you than you can handle” is a crock of shit. I was so rattled by liceapalooza last night I forget my evening meds, which means I gotta start all over again on the five day count at the higher dose so the blood reading is accurate. I am coming undone. Today’s mom’s bday, I was gonna make her chicken noodles, but now I don’t think even if we finish up the lice clean up I can drag my coughing sickly child out into the cold…And mom’s roommate is in such fragile health, I can’t take a sickly child there, anyway.

YES, you can be handed to much to handle.

I am sure out there somewhere is someone who reads this shit and says, “Oh, this chick is a drama queen, no one could have that bad of luck.”

To quote Metallica, “Sad but true.”

Back to laundry o lympus.

Here’s a thought: Instead of a gazillion bucks spent so men can get hard ons, how about you fuckers figure out a cure for lice?

Because if anything is gonna be sucking my blood, it best damn that look like Louis from Interview with the Vampire.


11 Responses to “COME ON! FML Post #5049”

  1. Oh No!!!! Always when you feel you can’t take one more thing…you get three more things.
    Sending big virtual hugs and anything else I can think of .

  2. Ugh not lice! 😦 I do not have kids but my sister has five and it seems they are ALWAYS getting it. It’s crazy how much work has to be done once you find the little buggers. I can’t believe the school never said anything to parents as well! I would have called them bitching. Haha! Oh, love the last sentence! Hahaha! 🙂 I hope things calm down for you soon!

  3. Licealapalooza! I’m truly sorry you had to go through all that (but I still enjoyed how you wrote about it). You’re a good mom, you really are.

  4. I FUCKIN HATE FUCKIN LICE!!! Nikki had them almost continously at age 9. Our neighbor’s little girl had them & either her parents didn’t *HORSE SHIT! Or they didn’t care. She also she has/had THICK LONG hair. Freaking out, that’s an understatement. I feel ya, ,, loads of wash, shampoo, nit picking $$$, my poor kid sitting through the torture. Not to mention poison into her body, coz most none chemical Tx was poo pood upon. Big hugs! It more than SUX! ❤ YA

  5. ugh. sorry to hear that, that sucks. in heaven (presumptuous, no?) I want to ask God why sickness, fleas and ticks and lice and flies, and abusive parents were necessary, especially for those who at least tried hard to follow. Aren’t all of those plagues? My son has short hair, my daughter has that long hair and if she brings it home we all cry and get that treatment shit, and shampoo the carpets and wash all the clothes and bedding and towels for the whole damn house. Thank God we haven’t had to do that since I forget when, but we used to have to do it all the time, ughhhhhh. I remember one year, and we knew who the nasty parents were of the poor little girl who kept bringing it to school, we did it four times in one semester. I wanted to adopt her and do her hair for her because her parents couldn’t get it right.

    I swear to the fucking FlyingSpaghettiMonster, if my kids bring that home, or their friends bring it over, ever again, I will shave my fucking head BALD. I like my hair, but REALLY! I ITCH just thinking about it!

  6. If God never handed me more than I could handle, I wouldn’t need my blog to vent the stress, and Mrs M wouldn’t ever complain about having to handle and not wanting to handle the shit I can’t handle, and she tells me to pick up my slack all the time. (Oh and instead of the typical responses, “Zzzzzzzzzzz!” or “Haaahahahahaha,” she would be my hot, monogamous, demanding little nymphomaniac! (hahahahahahahhaha!) Just saying.)

  7. Sorry about the lice. I hadn’t heard about the court since I am using the reader again and it sucks. I miss at least half the posts, maybe more and most of them the ones I want to read. I have missed your posts. Hugs and love and good luck with the lice. ❤

  8. Oh for fucks sake “GOD” GIVE MORGUE A FUCKING BREAK DUDE! Can’t you see how fucking HARD she dies to take care of Spook while the donor flits about uselessly?! *flips him TWO fingers*
    You are doing a great job with Spook. I know you doubt yourself AND the court date, but we got your back here in WP land. And Mrs R will be there AND a lawyer. “Don’t let the bastard get you down” because you’re a strong ass bitch to still be here after EVERY FUCKING THINK!
    Sorry for the lice and sick Spook. Hope you both feel better soon. Did the mayo cap and tea tree oil work? (I hot lice at 19 while living with my ex and her mom, and her mom’s brother and his kids. NEVER had lice before that. Peach Suave worked good on them. Die fuckers!) Sporks United

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