Gloom glasses

So we have sunglasses to protect our eyes/vision from excessive sunlight and its glare. I propose…gloom glasses. To alter perception of the cold wet gray days that impact one’s mood. Seriously, the midwest has been gray gloom central all winter, it’s like waking up in Seattle, minus the awesome culture. Icky.

Okay, so I’ve been dying to use this one as it’s funny as hell to me and I did fix it last night for supper so…

hamb helper(Thanks, Diane, your wicked sense of humor earns ten sporks up!)

I guess I am feeling more solid today compared to yesterday’s meltdown. Which, by the way, I do NOT blame on the bipolar. It’s a shitty personal circumstance made shittier by the sheer panic and terror of not being able to regulate my emotions toward the donor and his chronic deadbeat-ism. The man can push my buttons, but I don’t think that’s exclusive to him. My buttons detonate when anyone lies right to my face and tries to play it all off as me being “mental”. Not to mention how good an actor he is, he mimics emotion like a Thespian even if he can’t actually feel them. I can easily see him manipulating the judge and this all coming back on me for not going after support sooner. Throw in my general anxiety and panic of entering unfamiliar, and especially “proper” places…

No, it’s not the bipolar. It’s a combo of panic and emotion. And the thing that baffles me is I truly have zero emotion left for the man so why does it bother me so much? This is a simple matter. He brings in his financials, the judge sets support, bing, bang, bob’s your uncle.And if it’d been a year he got behind, I might let it go. But seriously, four years and five months of not contributing or even asking to see her?

My outrage is justified.

Plus, I do have the ace up the sleeve as I will be walking in with Mrs R- wife of my ex boyfriend, who adores me, and she’s a professor at a university who can attest to how Spook and I have struggled. Let the donor try to impugn her as being uneducated or crazy. Besides…it can only look good on court records that I am close friends and supported by an ex as well as his wife. Doesn’t really play well to the donor’s cries about what a she devil I am if I can get along with my ex, and charm his wife into liking me.

I guess it will be a memorable birthday for me either way. I will either feel victorious or I will feel kicked and defeated. My birthdays are never a big deal, anyway. One year, my mom gave me twenty bucks and I was able to go buy a new Logitech keyboard as my old one was dying…and I was as happy as if I’d been handed a new car. This year I got the boots I so desperately wanted but could never work into my budget. My sis will probably bake me some cupcakes and my kid will eat them all. Maybe she can bake a couple with some pot in them just in case I walk out of court feeling sporkicidal. Then again, the few times I dabbled with weed, it just make me stupid and sleepy.

Don’t quite grasp the appeal of that kind of high.

I am taking R hamburger helper for lunch, he wants me to reset the router at the shop, see if that makes the wifi less wonky. Ya know what I feel like doing? Nothing. My kid is sleeping over at grandma’s tonight and when I had that stable spurt a few days ago I went through allll the stuff I could get done without her underfoot…Now I…Meh. The gloom and med change has me feeling pretty low.

And I am scared of this doubling of Lithium, I told him every single time I’ve gone up to 12o0 I’ve gone toxic. But he won’t listen. He did the same to my brother with the Trileptal and he ended up in the ER because the doubling of dose made him toxic. Sometimes, I wonder about this shrink.

Not to mention coming down on Cymbalta from 120 to 60 after only a week’s tapering…I suppose wonky is to be expected.

On a final note or two…I know I have mentioned our kitten Chaos many times but I don’t think I ever posted a pic. This is Miss Chaos.

Digital Camera

Ha ha, I should cut out that Mangorita. But the black satin sheet looks perty.

And because Diane sends me the best stuff, and I was, at age six, told I would one day be the crazy cat lady…And at 43ish still hoard cats and love them more than people…I will happily OWN this one.

starter kitI can has kitteh?


8 Responses to “Gloom glasses”

  1. I think it’s another million dollar product idea. I wonder how much it would cost to add the anti-glaring-rage-flective coating on those. I’ll take the purple coloured lenses, I never did like rose colour that almost everyone swears by.

  2. I was going to say something but my phone rang and distracted me. Demmit!!
    Love the Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit.
    You know you got support here in WP. And i hope the judge whips his damn ass.

  3. I think that taking Mrs R with you is an absolutely brilliant move. Not only will she speak eloquently on your behalf, but she will be helpful keeping you calm and on point. You may no longer feel anything for this piece of shit but he has dissed your kid for years and that deserves your venom. Just not in court. Best of luck to you my dear.

  4. Ms Chaos is a puuuurty lil kitty girl! Mangorita can? Big deal, your picture, you’re over 21, you’re allowed! I tried on some yeller (yellow) tinted sunglasses in the overcast bleakness of winter/doom,,,, WOW Bright n sunny! Try em, I’m serious!!

  5. Kittems! I keep making sad faces at the husband and telling him we need a kitten or two to liven up the place. He’s not impressed.

    I also miss Hamburger Helper, which probably doesn’t say anything grand about me, but ah well. It’s good stuff.

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