Karma, Bitch

Oh, color me a bitchbeast and allow me a moment of schadenfreude…After all the crap R gave me for being sick for so long with the ebolacoldflu…He got it. And it went away and he felt better for a day. And it came back and he wants to die.

Muahhahahhhaahaha. Told ya I wasn’t being lazy or making it up, bitch. This is some nasty shit.

Okay, I will stop being evil now. Still, when someone basically calls you a malingerer then it happens to them…Poetic justice.

I believe I have identified another problem with my meds. I took a Focalin this morning and now my skin is crawling off my bones. So I think that, too, is going to have to go. Can’t say I am sad, cos it only worked for about a month before conking out. I just can’t have meds that heighten what is already crippling anxiety. Of course, it’s gonna be months coming off all this shit and I do not look forward to it. And the lithium thing still has me balking cos of the weight gain, the nausea…All the progress made in pharma and they still can’t tweak a decent mood stabilizer other than Lamictal or Lithium. Assfuckery.

On a positive note…I think R and I have come to an understanding as far as my shop wenchery is concerned. I can strip boards for parts from home, so on the days I am in bad shape, I can just earn my brownie points that way. Of course, he was drunk when this conversation took place but I am gonna hold him to it. If I can pop in, do what he needs done in an hour, then bring home the boards and strip parts with the soldering iron while in my safe place…I might become less stressed and nasty toward him. Besides, there’s become something cathartic in stripping parts from the boards for me, I can’t explain it. Used to hate doing it. But then he used to mock me for being too slow at doing it and I kept telling him I needed a mega hot soldering iron, not a damn jewelry low wattage one. Now I have the good iron…I can strip a board in under an hour and that’s with my kid interrupting me.

Think being watched is the bane of my existence. I can type without looking at the keyboard or making a mistake for pages. The instant someone is watching me, I suddenly become all butter typo fingers. Same with stripping the boards.Can’t focus when someone is hanging over my damned shoulder. I work well on my own. Especially when allowed to move at my own pace.

So today I am gonna go to the shop (eventually) and do some busy work for him then bring home a stack of power supplies and mains and I am gonna harvest their organs. Parts, I mean. My kid is going to be at my dad’s all weekend once they come get her this afternoon (some rehearsal thing for the church christmas program, IDK) so I am gonna have almost two full days of…Being lost without my kid to drive me nuts. But if I have boards to pillage and shows to watch…I should be okay. And by doing this for him, he is going to make sure I have a little extra spending money for Christmas via his credit card. Yay. My family is getting what they always get- a frame pic of Spook and a home burned dvd of shows they like. IF I get energetic for that latter part. If not…meh. I’m cooking the chicken and noodles for our meal that night, let that be part of my contribution.

I think tonight my major plan is…sleep. See, I did this stupid fucking thing yesterday where I bragged on how Spook had slept through the night in her own bed for four nights in a row..And last night she was up four times. Stupid karma. THIS is why I don’t say positive shit. I always pay for it.

But apparently I am becoming a typecast bipolar depressive bummer so I shall try some humor here. And if you don’t find this song funny, I disown you. I have been playing  this in the car every morning when I take Spook to school as my ode to the holiday season.





7 Responses to “Karma, Bitch”

  1. Loved it Morgue. I hate Christmas. Oh and I can’t take Lithium.

  2. I’m glad you’ll be able to do some of that work from home. I’m not sure what I’m doing Christmas Eve. Probably nothing. Or maybe I’ll listen to this song and smirk.

  3. Screaming Jean Says:

    This song. Thanks for introducing, currently on repeat.

  4. I’m so glad you’re going to be able to do work from home. Everyone gets what they need and you don’t have to lose your mind to get it done.

  5. shoved my last kid out the door with your Christmas song.lol

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