Content Bubble Dweller

The petri dish is where most of my problems start. Today was no different. And it was almost like my mind knew going out was going to be uber triggering. I waited for a decent weather day, no rain, lots of sun, and then all those errands I’d wanted to run earlier this week…Became irrelevant. So I delayed. Watch more one show, the  go. One show became four shows…And finally I ripped off the bandage and braved Aldi (busy, of course) and in the parking lot with car backing up and pulling in and people moseying wherever without looking in…I nearly had a nervous breakdown. My brain was seriously overloaded with that much sensory input, not processing fast enough. Kinda like trying to get on line today with Windows 98 era hardware. NO matter how many “I think I can” pep talks I give myself…Fact remains, it overwhelms me and places me a mind space where I become a liability to myself and others.

If I had a physical limited that caused this, it would be dictated I give up my license for the safety of myself and others. But because my illnesses are confined to my scumbag brain inside its scumbag skull…I’m histrionic. I’m avoiding. I’m dramatic.

Yet I was managing right up til the trip in the dish of petri. I am perfectly content to dwell in my bubble of safety, venturing out only when the  mental state is solid enough for my confidence, and senses, not to be so overloaded.

No sooner than I got groceries, I had to go get my kid early. She’s apparently got flubola now. I thought initially she was faking, dramatizing, but nope, she’s literally spewing and moaning in pain, same as I was. So I can’t send her back until she’s been vomit free for 24 hours so even if she feels better tomorrow, she will be missing the much anticipated field trip to see some festival of trees. I shall be outraged for her since the poor thing was so ill she sucked down some chicken broth, climbed into bed, and was out in five minutes, without a fight. Yep, that be the flubola.

Then R calls wanting me to locate some ended ebay auction to contact some dude who had a speaker to sell like MONTHS ago but it didn’t go so can I ask if he still has it, blah blah blah. Then he griped I didn’t answer my phone. The home phones are all dead. An intelligent person would have called the cell number. I am not surrounded by logic or intelligence. Hell, I’m not even able to say I lay claim to either. Still…one number doesn’t work, call the other. DERP. Don’t bitch at me because my kid is sick and it’s distracted me from watching my magic jack list in the other room. Spoiled brat.

I slept maybe 2o  minutes this morning before the alarm went off which means I’ve pretty much been awake since 3 a.m. I am feeling it too. Vanilla bean, Chaos, and I are gonna snuggle and bask in warmth. Fuck his highness.

Not that I’ll be able to sleep. No, my neurotic ass will be up every half hour checking on my kid to make sure she hasn’t choked on her own vomit. No rest for the wicked.

I have sure as hell paid for those few good days last week.

And having passed flubola onto my kid, I have the added plus of feeling guilty and like pestilence.

FTW. Fuck the world, fuck this week, fuckital. It’s okay to get tired and frustrated. Kind of homicidal the way bipolar people are viewed as somehow flawed when we feel normal things. It’s not a mood, it’s not an affectation. It’s just been a sucky week. It’s okay to say that.

Now if anyone knows where I can procure an IV drip of cake vodka for my family shindig next Thursday, let me know. I may be hooking up to it early, so have some on standby. I am gonna need it.


15 Responses to “Content Bubble Dweller”

  1. Sorry she is sick. Hope she gets better quickly.

    oh man poor Spook. I always kept a trashcan next to the bed… Fat lotta good it did when they completely miss by INCHES… Oh, and we had carpet. At one point DB? NSLM AND Monkey ALL had Flubola of ’07. Guess who didn’t get it? Me.
    His Highness can kindly to fuck himself with a barbed wired dildo with habeñero lube. I wonder if we can patent that-Zoe does the dildos, do you want to work on the lube? I can be to spokes woman of the Volatile Femmes Corporation… Then-HOSITLE TAKEOVER BITCHES!!
    I blame the lack of sleep for my grand ideas 😎💰💰💰💰🔫

    • Find the weasels? J/k. There are some days where “ftw” simply applies, it’s not a self pity or pessimism thing. Life can suck and I think even the deity of choice would agree. If you stub your toe, get your power turned off, someone cusses you out, and your car breaks down…Yeah, FTW applies cos, ya know…shit happens and it’s just shitty.

      • Whaaaaaaaaat? I was just agreeing with you. FTW. Fuck this world. I think you read too much into that.

  3. Oh poor Spook! I hope she feels better soon. Missing a field trip sucks.

    R is an idget. He does the stupidest stuff. Sass pretty much has the punishment covered, so I’ll let her have at it!

    • Ya know, what bothers me most is…I told him I didn’t answer the phone cos I was busy dealing with a hurling child…And he didn’t even ask, “How is she doing?” Nope, all about his needs. Yet when I was about and he had kids Spook’s age, I was an immature heartless bitch if I didn’t factor their situations in. I just want FAIR PLAY.
      Which I guess is unrealistic with a tried and true narcissist but I still think it’s logical.

      • It is logical. But a narcissist will never see it that way. You will bang your head on the same brick wall for the rest of your life and never make a dent. Just may end up just having to accept him as a vehicle for smokes and gas and not worry about the rest of it.

      • Guess hypocrisy is a trigger for me. If I stop being outraged, I could become complacent. So I rail against the dying of the light and all that poetic stuff 😉

        On Sat, Nov 21, 2015 at 6:43 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


  4. Screaming Jean Says:

    Oh no, it seems everyone is having a shitty sucky week.(me included LOL YAY) so sorry little Spook is unwell, you just got so much going on it’s like meltdown begins all over again, I hope she makes a quick recovery and that will be off your mind at least.

    Fuck everything this week, this life. Hugs for you, or maybe here have a whole bottle of vodka instead, hugs optional. xx

    • I like hugs. My parents were not warm fuzzy types which is why I think I’ve often “gone manic” with a need to display affection. It’s not sexual, at all, or some bid for attention..It’s seeking the comfort I never received as a kid.
      Sorry if that is needy or creepy, but cyber hugs mean a lot to me.

      • Screaming Jean Says:

        I totally feel you on that, I would like to share a real life hug with you if I could as well! Loads more cyber hugs and love sent your way, I hope good vibes reach you, even if I’m not feeling very good vibey myself – I still feel it for others!

      • Ya know, when I was preggo, I read tons of articles about “never wanting a hug again” because so many were clinging on you and the weight was overwhelming.
        It is to an extent and yet, I am still so starving for what I never had when I was younger…I still want more hugs. I am special kind of fucked up, according to…every therapist I’ve ever had.
        Thank pegacorn I don’t give therapists that much credence!

      • Screaming Jean Says:

        Hmmmm these articles make me laugh, really how many pregnant women afterwards say jeez I never want a hug again or stab me in the eye?! Hahaha wtf. I have zero faith in anything right now the way things are going with my doctor, my therapist, ok I’ve only had one new meeting with my psychologist and she seems ok but I’ve been fooled too many times before to trust any of them. Again thank pegacorn I don’t get my hopes up to only get let down, sometimes having no expectations is great.

      • By month four of bun in the even, I had to banish all magazines as they had me so paranoid, I was convinced the bleach I used six months pre preggo was gonna kill my ferus. NOPE. Odd how often “helP means the same thing as “not helpful at all.”

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