Spew some sunshine on me…

Yeah,that just popped into my head to the tune of Def Leppard’s “Pour some sugar on me”. Probably remnants of a rousing conversation R and I had in which I chastised them for becoming a ballad driven Vegas lounge act and he pointed out how their ballads at least have good lyrics. I concur up to a point, “When Love and Hate Collide” is  beautiful song. But I’ll be damned if I am gonna go see a band who has pretty much cut out their superior hard rocking stuff. I’m 42, a mom, and, to quote Twisted Sister, “I wanna rock!”

So no metaphoric sunshine or optimism, please. Not that kind of sunshine. I’m talking the actual stuff that warms and brightens outside. We are in day three of cold windy wet gloom and it’s harshing my mellow big time. Much as the sun gives me headaches, it seems beneficial to my moods not being further down the drain. I have zero motivation even as laundry’s piled so high I have to climb over it to get to the back bedroom. I did better when I was sick, I swear. I think one of the biggest issues is that my kid has been back to spewing pea soup. It’s like she runs in cycles, a week of wearing a halo, a week of horns sprouting out from under her hair. I try not to be too hard on her, she’s only six, but if she can learn and maintain good behavior at school, I don’t see the harm in expecting the same at home.

Unfortunately, I got little girl who has the destructive nature of a little boy. She made her own Nutella sandwich the other night…Used the entire new jar of Nutella. (I literally cannot go to the bathroom and she does this stuff.) Last night she broke  a water filled clock I gave her by removing the rubber plunger piece then dumping it on her bedroom floor and bringing the rest of it to my room and dumping it on my floor. I don’t know what possesses her to do these things. Every time I think I can stop being such  a helicopter mom and trust her, she proves me wrong. Guess this is my karma for coloring mom and dad’s brand new white aluminum siding with crayons when I was her age. Of course, if I’d been closely supervised I wouldn’t have managed to create a wax mural. I don’t leave my kid alone two minutes and she does the same stuff, so maybe it’s not supervision at all. IDK, I am winging this parental thing cos mine sure as hell didn’t come with instructions.

I know she has moved on to a new manipulation kick. Any time I correct her, even if it’s to say “your shoe is untied, let me fix that” she flies off the handle, starts hitting herself in the head, bawling “I’m stupid, I’m a horrible person, you should just get rid of me!” I know it’s an act because if I drop whatever the problem was and tickle her, the tears dry up instantly and she’s all giggles again. She just doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions so she attempts to play me like a fiddle. Not working. Well, it’s working on my last nerve but I’m not caving in to that bullshit.

I just finished watching last night’s The Flash. It was soo good it gave me tingly goosebumps. I think I am supposed to go to the shop today to prod him to do something but I’m just not feeling it. I think I shall stay home and watch izombie next. Fiction soup for the soul.

I finally got around to watching Gone Girl the other day. With an attention span limited to about 40 minutes, watching a two and a half hour movie was an achievement for me. And it didn’t suck. In fact, a lot of it reminded me how miserable the donor and I made each other. I don’t know either of us set out to make the other miserable, but we just never blended well. Though I know I’m not a sociopathic killer and I am fairly sure he’s not a killer, so maybe it wasn’t all that reticent of that fiasco. IDK. I think I am to the point where even the notion of relationships makes me cringe. It always turns out the same way. I tell someone about all my mental issues, they assure me they can handle it, I go down the rabbit hole, and they have to leave because I am dragging them down with me. How many times do I have to do the same damned thing before I learn the damned lesson? Not giving up. Just accepting that maybe relationships aren’t for me. Not traditional ones anyway. Maybe if I had a guy in the military who was home once a year…

Damn this gloom. I wanted to go get groceries, and Salvation Army moved to a nicer store and I wanted to check it out, minus the spawn of “I want” being with me. Alas, I can’t be arsed. Most of me wants to go back to bed, back to soothing vanilla  bean blankie fort, and sleep. Daytime naps are not my norm, didn’t even nap while I was so sick. But today I can’t scrape enough cobwebs off my brain to fully feel awake. It’s irksome.

Brain’s up! Off to watch izombie. I am gonna assume tobasco sauce makes brains tastier cos Liv is always putting it on the brain of the week she is eating. LOVE that show.

Maybe I need a man who is a zombie. I always wanted someone to just like me for my brain.


16 Responses to “Spew some sunshine on me…”

  1. I immediately thought of Def Leppard when I read that title.

    Is it looking like you will get sun anytime soon?

    • It’s doing it’s strip tease, coming up for a minute, then going gloomy, then sunny, then gloomy…Annoying considering the forecast had called for straight sunshine for the next three days. In true freak fashion, though, I am in the living room with the pale curtains so when the sun does peek out, I feel blinded and want to flee to a dimmer room. My brain sucks.

      On Wed, Nov 18, 2015 at 10:47 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • It stresses you when you go out to the bright day doesn’t it? I was just wondering if you could go out and just close your eyes and face the sun for 5 or 10 minutes, or if that would make you nuts. Cause then it would obviously be useless advice! lol

  2. Ugh I hate Def Leppard, I was so disappointed when I finally heard some of their stuff. GnR are WAY better. Well, not so sure now it’s the Axl Rose Show but they certainly knew how to do it in the ’80s. Have you heard Slash’s “Anastasia” off his new album it gives me chills!

    • He has new music? I’m still rocking out to Crazy Beautiful from um…years ago. Damn sexy song, considering Fergie did the vocals. Who knew she actually had pipes and could rock out?

      On Wed, Nov 18, 2015 at 1:54 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


  3. I don’t know anything about Def Leppard but I fucking love Pour Some Sugar On Me and I am enjoying the idea of the spew some sunshine on me remix.

    Morgue just think about all the good things in your life…some people have it so much worse…I think you need a Hobby…take a walk and try to be in the moment…change the way you think and you change the way you feel!


    Just being goofy

    How bout something more helpful like
    Fuck “helpful” advice

  4. What is it with you and me and the CW? I like iZombie, the Flash, Supernatural… Maybe it’s just because I love you for your braaaiiiinnnnnnsssss!!! I just don’t want to EAT them! Like Murray Head said, “I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine!”

  5. Best I can do: 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

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