And the hits just keep on coming…

So in addition to the sinus/allergy misery and my shrink basically causing my hope to sHrivel up and die..I thought I’d grab a sammich before I fetched Spook from school.

Instead my car got rear ended at this clusterfuck spot on the main drag cos some assfuck in front of me put on their brakes, I put on mine, and the girl behind me drove right into my bumper.

At which point EVERY anxiety trigger starts screaming in my head.

OMG, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO CALL THE POLICE, I’VE GOT NO ONE TO PICK MY KID UP IN 15 MINUTES.

OH FUCK, THIS CAR AND THE INSURANCE ARE STILL IN MY MOM’S NAME, SHE IS GONNA EVISCERATE ME FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS AND EVEN IF IT WASN’T MY FAULT, IT WILL STILL BE MY FAULT AND HER RATES WILL BE HIKED Up…

Much like walls closing in on me, I could only think, I FUCKING KNEW SOMETHING BAD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IF I CAME THIS WAY, I FELT IT IN MY GUT BUT NOOOO, ALWAYS GOTTA REGURGITATE THE SUNSHINE SPEWING ‘YOU’RE JUST PARANOID AND AVOIDING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU ANXIOUS” SPIEL.

Fortunately aside from her plate holder being bent,there was no damage as it was more a bump than a slamming hit. We showed insurance cards to prove we were both covered but as no damage was actually done and we both had to get our kids…No need to call the cops or insurance company. She was very cool about it, cos ya know, even if I’d done the instant braking on purpose the law says whoever hits you from the rear is responsible. We shook hands and went on our ways.

I was rattled beyond words. Why oh why when I get that bad juju vibe in my gut do I insist on “pushing my boundaries outside the comfort zone”? If it feels off, follow your fucking gut, not the asstrash know nothing professionals.

Suffice it to say, I went to get my kid and came straight home and now…I don’t want to drive. Ever. Again. No, no, no. Too much random potential and the car belongs to Satan herself and…

Throw this sinus agony into the mix and…I even turned down free Mangoritas cos I just feel that damned shitty.

My self esteem can’t take many more beatings. I will either sink into quicksand or go ballistic with a nail gun. Seriously, I am reaching my breaking point here. And as a matter of fact, just because it all hasn’t killed me, it has NOT made me stronger. It has made me a fucking train wreck who can’t talk on a damned phone or socialize or even enjoy a walk outside.

I am just gonna write this day off cos we all know if you feel sick physically as well as mentally, there’s really nothing to be done but sleep and hope it reboots the brain by morning.

On one final ending note…I WANT A BOX OF PUFFS WITH LOTION. I’ve been through two generic boxes of tissue today and now my nose looks like Rudolph’s and feels like I took sandpaper to it. Guess I only become a princess when the cheap stuff causes me pain.

 

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14 Responses to “And the hits just keep on coming…”

  1. Holy Shit! Fucking Satan must want you to be his bride, cuz he’s on/pursuing your ass like all get out. I swear I read in the last couple days you saying something about your car &/or insurance. Fuck fuck fuck. Thank God you guys didn’t need the cops involved! As for your sore nose/face, try plain petroleum/Vaseline each time you wipe your nose (esp before or gets sore). It doesn’t burn & is a hell of alot cheaper!! Hugs Chicka!!

  2. Dislike dislike DIS-FUCKING-LIKE! I’ll send you a 5 pack of Puff Plus-quilty softness AND lotion. Always follow your gut. Your therapist/doc are assfucks of epic proportions and you need the hell outta that shit hole town. Maybe we can start a gofundme for your move.
    Love you Sistah!

  3. So sorry to hear you had such a thoroughly shite experience 😦

  4. Sorry Morgue. Glad you weren’t hurt and there was no major damage. However, keep under advisement, that pain can come later. Mine was about 4 days later. I was so full of adrenaline at the scene I didn’t feel anything, but what I normally feel. The seat belt got my left shoulder. I wish you well, love and hugs ❤

  5. I think we push our boundaries because we know we are supposed to. If we are ever to “get better”, “be more functional” blah blah blah we know that the way there is paved with pushing our comfort zone. With a child, pushing that boundary becomes even more important than for someone like me. But, when you push and the world pushes back twice as hard that doesn’t mean you are non-compliant. You are as compliant as they come. You are not failing you, big pharma and your doctors are failing you.

  6. Glad you are OK. One of my mottoes is “It could have been worse” including serious car damage, physical injury, etc. Not that it helps the immediate anxiety and panic.

    Also I’d give yourself a bit of a break… car accidents are stressful and horrible for everyone! So don’t beat yourself up to much about your reactions.

  7. Screaming Jean Says:

    Fuck! I am so sorry this happened, what a nightmare. I too am done with listening to these ass fuck professionals trying to push my boundaries that do nothing but sky rocket my anxiety and worries to the highest point. If we feel a vibe, it’s our mind and body and choice to listen to, because let’s face it they ain’t gotta deal with insurance companies and the like at the end of the day, it comes down to us.

    I am glad you are ok and I know what it’s like to get into a car bump, so scary and takes ages to shake off.

    • I just went out to pay rent and I swear I felt like the walls were closing in on me, too many cars, too many chances for shit to go awry…Didn’t get this bent when I got slammed into. This was a frigging bumper nudge.
      Anxiety and the way my brain processes it is baffling.

      • Screaming Jean Says:

        Yeah anxiety and how it works is crazy, the things it makes me panic over. It’s hard to overcome it, and if you do you’re left feeling exhausted.

  8. I totally understand your anxiety about driving and what it would mean to be in a non-lethal (as in our physical death) because that’s exactly why I don’t drive. I can’t. I will fucking drive into cars and people if I’m angry and if someone hits me I will run them over when they’re getting out of their car. Fuck. So sorry this happened.

  9. So far I don’t get anxious unless I’m in a stupid construction zone with those concrete barriers, and I don’t get angry unless someone is following me too closely or does something stupid or selfish. I had a guy honk at me for waiting for a pedestrian to cross. WTF, I’m just supposed to hit the poor bastard?! I brake- checked him after that for following me too close as I was going the speed limit and he thought I could afford a ticket, and he didn’t manage to hit me. But what an ass hole!! I hate the sort, they should be denied driving privileges. I’m glad you’re OK.

  10. What a shit day. Hope the car’s fine and that you’re feeling less shook up about it (4 days later but these things are insiduous)

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