I’d got to hell but I’m pretty sure I am already there

In the interest of being positive, and because I CAN still laugh…A funny sight a few streets down I had to stop and get a pic of. The smashed pumpkins. Their music is better than Smashing Pumpkins, but then the sound of my cats in heat is better than that.

drunken pumpkins

So yesterday blew goats. It didn’t start out that way. But once I hit the shop with that grudging reluctance…My mood went down, my anxiety went up. The first two hours, I entered so many part numbers looking for ONE THING,I literally had tapioca for brains. Not to mention with my short term memory issues (fuck you, lamictal) I had to have the numbers repeated, and I got them half backwards which resulted in him yelling at me. I moved onto another part, which I also couldn’t find. Then he had me making calls, which um, yeah, talking on the phone freaks me out. (No idea why, used to love it.) I couldn’t find that part either so he started raging and having a tantrum. I quietly told him that when I act that way, be it bipolar or frustration, he tells me I am acting like a child. Right over his over inflated head.

out of stockbroomstickIdget. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, his anger was giving me flashbacks to my teen years where we walked on eggshells fearing the next angry outburst of our parents.

So I go to pick my kid up and my phone rings. It’s the stepmonster.

homescheduleAssfuckery. I was in no mood to deal with them,told them to leave whatever they had for us in the mailbox or on the step.

No such luck. They were waiting in the drive. And instead of a hello, I get this shit from my asshole father.

ductworkTo which I replied, and yes, I know, most people would NEVER talk to their father this way, but hey, he taught me well how to be an asshole right back.

faultTwenty minutes the stayed, him bitching at me all the time. Cripes. Get the melon baller, I wanna remove some fucking eyeballs.

Once they finally left…I had to resign myself to multiple messes from Spook’s cat. I just wanted to veg out, cos it truly was a wretched day and my ass had chunks missing from being chewed on. But rather than let myself veg, I forced myself to at least clean the cat box area so I could feel like I earned a veggie break. Having met my asshole quota for the day I sent R a text and told him he could do the ducts another night if he wanted. But for once, he didn’t flake. He was however almost an hour after he said he’d be here,which kind of set me off after him chewing me out for showing up at 10 or 11 when he wants me there at 8 a.m. Fuck you. I put in seven hours in the dish yesterday and nearly came undone. Limiting my exposure, and making sure he doesn’t take advantage simply because all the interesting people are busy and can’t keep him company at the shop…GRRR.

Then I dared ask him to buy me Mangoritas, because, he promised he would earlier. He went off about how bad his day was and how I got lunch and smokes, and blah fucking blah. He told me to shut the fuck up. To which I said, “You first.”

Suffice it to say…My ductwork is fucked. Not even he could figure it out. We did turn the furnace on and all the heat is going right under the trailer. FUCK. I don’t wanna mess with the landlord and his incompetent maintenance people. Also…R found a dead cat under there. Which means I am gonna have to tear off the siding and get the poor thing out and bury it. I am so sick of burying cats. I am just sick of everything.

But the ‘ritas helped make him more bearable. Sad statement when you gotta get a slight calm buzz to tolerate someone. I don’t blame him entirely, it was a shit day for both of us so we were both testy. Just…Ugh.

So nothing was solved and my gut is in knots knowing I have to deal with the landlord whose philosophy is, “You’re our favorite tenant because you never complain or ask for repairs.” Yeah, he said that. Meanwhile my steps are rotting and nails are coming loose and I asked for it to be fixed two years ago but they determined it was fine. So when one of us goes through…Can you say Lawsuit??? fUCK FUck fuckity fuck. Oh, and I am supposed to “work” from home today trying to find R;s fucking part pegacorns because he won’t accept “out of stock” on parts that are discontinued. Motherfuckerassfuckeryfuckfuckfuck. I swear too much when I am anxious and frustrated, but hey, it beats what I really wanna do, which is hit people over the head with a nail laden board.

For now, I am trying to be chill. I need to do dishes. Meh. I need to call the landlord. I hate being dismissed and ignored. Took five days to get heat last year, I can only imagine how long it will take to get them to worry about me paying to heat the ground yet freezing inside. Everyone keeps telling me I need to move. Yeah, yeah, gimme about two grand for all the deposits and moving utilities. No? Fuck off. Plus, I am content here, it’s my safe place if shit would just stop breaking or getting fucked up worse by the people fixing it.

Okay, this last pic is for Diane. Proof I already have a line on the camel for the camelraffe hybrid!

boop and camelYep my kid riding a camel when the petting zoo was in town last month. Damn it, I wanted a ride too, but dad and stepmonster wouldn’t pay the five bucks for me. Idgets.


33 Responses to “I’d got to hell but I’m pretty sure I am already there”

  1. blew goats…ahahahahahahahahah. I love your mouth.

    sorry bout all the crap going on. but you make it so funny 🙂

    • I credit my sarcastic humor for sparing me from the whole suicide thing. If I can make it seem funny sucky as it is…It’s something. Glad you enjoy:)

      On Tue, Oct 20, 2015 at 10:23 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


  2. Ugh why why why are people so fucking stupid?!
    If you are looking to replace the chunks taken out of your ass, I have extra and am willing to share!

  3. Whoahh!! Fuck me! They said that to you??? What the,,, never mind, in not going there! Lovely greeting to come home to. Sorry ’bout the family BS & all. Awww Spook got to ride Mr Spit! I wanna ride an ephelant!!! Ffffrrrvvvrrr!!!

  4. I got my melon ballers ready. Oh for fucks sake idgets abound!! If you had the $ for that one guy would that be easier than the slumlord and incompetent maintenance people? Incompetent=lazy, imo.
    You need a bigger yard for the hybrid baby barn…

    • Knowing how fucked up it all is now…Forty bucks would only cover an hour of that guy’s time and it’d likely take several hours plus cost of repair supplies…No way in hell I can do that. I’m not sure what I am gonna do, but it ain’t happening today. My idget tolerance is still maxed out from yesterday’s asshole-a-palooza.

      Fortunately, it’s gonna be tolerably cool but not cold the next seven days so I can mull a bit.

      On Tue, Oct 20, 2015 at 1:05 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • Well fuck

        Loved the Smashed Pumpkins-hilarity!!

        Asshole-a-palooza–fucking awesome. I seems they gather like roaches, right? And when you call em out they scatter like turning on a light. Fuckers

      • What gets me most is, I had gotten rid of the bugs totally…Until the neighbors moved out (because slumlord wouldn’t spray for bugs or fix things)…Even elitist R would back me up, the bugs were GONE. Neighbors move out, I ask slumlord to spray, he doesn’t…Now I’ve got them back and my dad’s telling me I live in filth and invite them.
        If he weren’t nearing 70 I’d swear he was insane. I think he’s just grumpy and senile.
        Which means senility set in right around age 30 for him cos I’ve never known another form of him.
        Camelraffe rides are in order, we all need a pick me up.

      • Ugh for the love of the sacred pegacorn that slumlord is an assHOLE. Now if R would back you up, it still wouldn’t be enough because he is most probably senile.
        YAY! I need a pick me up 🙂

    • Syphili-ballers. So when we pluck the eyes out, we leave behind a gift that keeps on giving. 😉

  5. I want a camel ride too. WTF about your family?? Seriously. Our yard gets full of trash from our shitass neighbors too. Also I reckon R should be paying you a salary at this point, the things you do for his business.

    • The camelraffe is gonna be awesome, we shall ride it. All.that ability and space for packing stuff, with the added benefit of a long neck to see ahead in traffic…SWEET.

      Having seen what that shop brings in…I know why he can’t put me on salary. People in this town would rather pay six hundred for a new tv than a hundred to repair one because “they’re disposable now, aren’t they?”
      I want a sterile bubble just in case stupid goes airborne.

      • The camelraffe needs to happen. And I’m pretty amazed a TV repair business is still going amid all the planned obsolescence of modern technology. Yes I’d like a bubble. Maybe a cloud-like one so I can sleep without people gawping at me.

      • Oh, thanks to these flat panel TVs- LCD, LED, plasma, now the OLED…They fail constantly, with an average use span of three to five years, and some models break a day after the warranty is up. Were he to only do the old clunky CRT sets alone, yeah, he’d have closed down years ago. Thank you, new technology.

        I propose clear adult size plastic balls that let you roll around but protected, kinda like a hamster ball. Then I wouldn’t fear the dish so much, I’d be insulated.

        Camelraffes…They can haul tons of stuff and see ahead in traffic…Perfect transpo. Plus, on a camel, it’s always hump day 😉

        On Wed, Oct 21, 2015 at 2:34 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


      • Maybe the camelraffes can move the bubbles around for us?

      • Excellent, I do love to multi person things for max benefit. They can pack all our stuff and navigate our plastic human balls safely through rough traffic and rough terrain…Yeah, I like that.

      • Yes, they could carry everything and walk over/around cars in traffic jams!

      • Ha ha, and convertibles will be their camelraffe litter boxes.

      • Awww that would be “like, so, cute” (is that what convertible drivers say when camelraffes shit in their cars??)

      • I think it’s more like “Oh, hell, I have to keep the roof up and worry about rain AND camelraffe dung now? Why did I get a convertible…”

        On Thu, Oct 22, 2015 at 7:34 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


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