Wreckage

I am feeling like a trainwreck. Cramps have arrived and with that comes all the body aches and muscle aches of hormonal shift. I’m awake but I feel half asleep. My motivation is nil and yet the place is a fucking biohazard zone. To top it off, I got blasted with blinding sunlight in the eyes when I took Spook to school earlier and it has gifted me with a frontal headache from hell. I’ve thought about resorting to Tylenol, see if the pain is dulled I might feel well enough to at least put the place into a state where the biohazard sign can come down. Of course, I forgot, then other shit went wrong.

I called the shrink’s office, intending to only remind them I need a paper script for my Focalin refill. Instead I gushed out how I don’t see him again til next month but I really don’t think I am doing all that well now that the cold weather is here…Nurse was very nice, said she’d talk to him, call me back. Well, I forgot I didn’t give them my cell from swapping phones with my mom and now the home phones have decided to both go absolutely useless. One just needs to charge but the charger ain’t working or the battery is just fucked. The other got wet or something and now just makes a shrieking static noise when turned on. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Now I gotta buy new phones??? Are you fucking kidding me?

Least I had twelve hours of admiring my pretty new faucet, expertly installed by R, before something else decided to break. I can’t afford a phone. Hell, if I don’t figure out a solution to this vacuum situation, all the fur and lint on the floor is gonna metastasize and form a saberteooth mutant dirt cat of doom….

I also think my left tire is going bad and ha I have no spare.

My kid has brought home blue and purple this week on her behavior chart. Bad bad bad. All for talking and it is never her fault, it’s always some other kid. I have tried to gently explain that even if they talk to her, she doesn’t have to open her mouth. Especially if it will get her in trouble. Six weeks of school and she’s had seven blues and three purples. She didn’t get this shit in pre K or Kindergarten. In fact, one of the pre K teachers we saw yesterday said she sure missed having Spook’s happy face and manners in her class every day.

WTF? How does she go from being that charming at the other schools and now in first grade with this newbie-ish teacher, she’s a demon? I shall find out during parent teacher conferences next week,I guess. If the teacher can be arsed. God knows she can’t even write a note about my kid’s behavior or any missing homework, just mark her pre report card with black marks. I fucking hate school. Even second hand it is toxic. I want to a supportive parent who is interested in her child’s education but first I gotta get a line of communication going with the woman spending six hours a day with my kid. Geesh.

The old saying “you get what you pay for” is absolute shit. I am paying $7.99 a month for Hulu (rather than seventy for basic cable) and I’ll be damned if they don’t post the one show I wanted to see. They have every other new show from the network, but not that one. Seriously? Useless fucks. Not to mention, I never had such buffering and drop out issues using a free streaming site. So I pay for crap service to not get to watch what I wanna see. That’s fucking hysterical, Hulu. Go fuck yourself.

I feel like I am gonna throw up and my lower abdomen is screeching in pain as it seems there are rabid oompa loopmas down there punching my ovaries at random intervals. I feel like shit. Once a month, every month. Not sure how menopause could be any worse than bipolar with a curse.

No, I do NOT have anything positive to say.

Well, I did have a kind of cool dream where Nightshade had surprise kittens (again) but they came out the size of two month old kittens and were frolicking about the place instead of being ya know, newborn lumps. I think this dream stems from the fact that I am still so heartbroken and lost without Abby and Arsenic. I say hi to their graves every single day at some point. They are gone but soo not forgotten. I’d sacrifice a dozen of the useless locals just to have my kitties back. They served a purpose. These dregs of humanity serve only to party and insult others. So, sure benevolent god, it makes absolute sense to let them live on and on and on yet take away my kitties who were filling my cold dead depression riddled heart with love and brief moments of joy.

I’m sure many wonder how fucked in the head one has to be to value cats over human lives but hey…Cats never caused me psychological damage and destroyed my faith. I don’t think it’s complicated or without total merit.

Now…I am gonna try to get to the cabinet for that Tylenol and hope in the twenty steps there I don’t forget or get distracted by something else fucking breaking…Feel the stabby rays of my sunshine. FEEL THEM.

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8 Responses to “Wreckage”

  1. *Raises Sassshield to 100%* It canna hold capt’n! They’re too stabby!!

  2. Feel better soon! Your ovaries sound like they’re having a right benny.
    I wonder if that teacher’s afraid of everyone finding out she’s shit. I’ve seen it before. They always come down hard on minor misdemeanors when they’re new and scared of coming across as soft and squishy. If she was new and vaguely confident, she’d use positive management techniques and occasional verbal warnings instead of empty black marks all the time.
    And that shit with Hulu sounds awful. We have similar problems with Netflix from time to time but my husband sets it so it thinks we’re in America to get all the best TV shows (otherwise we have to wait 2 years to catch up with Castle which is ridiculous, and they seem to be under the impression that British people don’t watch Anime). It doesn’t have loads of stuff but we still give them money for some reason. Guess it’s better than nothing.

    • TV shows are kind of my therapy, lets me focus on anything but my own drama, so I consider it a necessary expense.Oddly when I was being a criminal and watching free streaming, I had access to every show I could ever want, zero buffering or drop out.
      Now I pay for it like a good girl and it’s rubbish. The cosmos has a sick sense of humor.

      • I know right? I was looking on iplayer for “Stephen Fry in America” this evening (Netflix dropped out right about the time I commented about it… must’ve heard me typing) and it turns out they have chosen not to put it on there.
        I refuse to buy a £150 TV licence per year to watch one TV show. How many box sets is that??
        I used to love internet streaming before they made it too much effort to keep finding links that weren’t dead.

  3. {{{Metastatic Sabertooth Mutant Dirt Cats of Doom!!}}} *MSMDCD* FUCKIN’ BADASS HYBRID!!

  4. Bad days in hell X10…. Then life drops an anvil for kicks!
    Dark humour offends some, even makes them say some shit about ‘inappropriate’… Fuck you as you have all the fucking happy sunshiny shit in your life, and your sense of humour hasn’t gone to hell and back, returning a tad corrupted
    A problem at work has me thinking “humanity is an idiot, why did I have to possess a brain” which I still stick to, despite the fact I realise I don’t share anything and run ops without giving everyone detailed plans!
    Add to that the wish I could trade my family for a week, or two, three, four etc etc and kill my sense of good for a while, just enough to not void the chance for redemption
    Good news; long weekend, bad news; got to go back to normal life afterwards!

    Somehow this makes sense, hope you’re feeling less crappy and haven’t poisoned anyone with your brand of sunshine to the point they turned into a golem like creature, keep it for the fucked up types as we are immune
    Toodles, goodbye, til the next, MEDIC

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