Fiction Is The Best Treatment For Mental Illness

Oh, yes, my pretties…The new tv season has begun and after feeling like my ability to enjoy anything belonged on a milk carton for months…It’s back, limited of course, to fictional TV shows.

I just watched Limitless and whoooooa. LOVE it. I don’t want to wait another week to see the next episode, I wanna binge watch it all now. NOW. I liked the movie, and the series does right by the original idea. The notion of taking one pill and tapping into your entire brain instead of being stuck using only a portion…Dear god, even bipolar brains would be improved and less limited. Most of us have memory issues, usually caused by meds even though the doctors say it’s not- if you could take one extra pill and have everything you’ve ever learned, heard, read, seen, bubble to the surface…I’d do it in a heartbeat, side effects or not. Hell if I did waste away in a year, it’d still be packed with more living than my bipolar self would live in ten years. And I’ve already had side effects from hell, wanting to die because a med made me sick isn’t different from wanting to die from the withdrawal of one.

Yes, I do get wrapped up on this shit. I enjoy it. I ENJOY something again.

I am cured? No, I still feel pretty downtrodden. I blame the shifting season which I believe starts today. The cold at night which drives me under the covers and makes me linger in bed hitting snooze a little longer each morning…Seasonal is here. Yay. NOT. But at least with it comes a new TV season full of fiction treatment for my soul and hopefully, a lowering anxiety as people stop spending so much time outdoors being idgets. It’s not exactly a silver lining, but it’s something.

Spook and I were both awake at 3 a.m. Because the cats decided that would be an excellent time to have fun and games in my bed, gnawing our feet, walking on our faces. Fuckers were relentless. It went on almost an hour. Which sucks because once her sleep meds wear off then mine do, it is a bitch going back to sleep. Cats give zero fucks.

And yes, I have been giving my kid sleep meds. Well, melatonin. The pediatrician suggested it. I don’t like doing it and some nights I refuse to, don’t want her getting too dependent and forgetting how to fall asleep naturally. Which is a hazard of any sleeping med. You get used to that quick fall into sleep the pill or whatever brings and next thing you know, you absolutely cannot fall asleep on your own. But I figured if the doctor okayed the occasional use of melatonin for the kid and she does have such issues sleeping and needs rest for school…Screw you, mommy blogs and your “I would never drug my child” bullshit. I would never drug “a” child. I simply feel it is sometimes warranted for “this” child. Sleep disturbance apparently runs in the family.

I have been taking melatonin more often than I’d like lately, mostly because the mood crashes so low, the anxiety kicks in, and being awake becomes grueling. I don’t like taking sleepers, though. Hell I think I still have a 2 month supply of Restoril the shrink gave me, taken maybe two pills. I didn’t like the loopy hangover it gave me. Which sure might go away if I took them regularly, but I am not going down that path again. I did that with Trazadone and Seroquel and got to the point where I couldn’t sleep without 700mg combined. Never again. Melatonin is cheap, over the counter, and doesn’t turn my brain to tapioca. Hopefully as the anxiety calms with the season change I won’t need melatonin at all.

And they say I’m not an optimist.

I’m done licking my wounds over what I view as R’s spinelessness. I still maintain I have good cause to be pissed. Lying to me, like we’re in junior high and I’m not gonna be your friend anymore cos you wanna stay with Stacy so you lie and say you’re grounded except I see you out with her…GRRR. Grow the fuck up. Nut up. Just be honest. My family may be batshit, but at least I never have to wonder where I stand with them. I’d rather be told I’m a bitch and pissed them off than have some jellyfish smile and say everything is ok, then go rant to others about it. Jebus. I’m supposed to feel bad for being forward and blunt as I am, but at least with me you’re not wondering where you stand. Being  bluntly honest isn’t the same as being rude. Let me school those who don’t grasp this.

“Do you like my new dress?”

“That’s pretty, but I really like you in solids is all.”

THAT is polite honesty with a blunt edge.

“Do you like my new dress?”

“Oh my god, you look like a cow in stripes, you’re too heavy to wear that, put on some solid colors that look slimming!”

THAT is rude honesty.

Meh, maybe I’m speaking the African clicking language and no one can understand me. IDK. Come to think of it, I don’t really give a damn. When I tell “friends” I like to be handled with honesty because lies will set me off and they lie anyway…Yeah, that’s justifiable anger. Kind of like when a friend tells me, “If you yell at me, it sets me off because my dad was verbally abusive” I will be respectful enough not to yell. Seriously, is common courtesy and respect that foreign a concept these days?

Pfft. I am Snarkasma, I rant, I snark, and I have a nemesis that keeps it that way. Deal with it or move along. Snarkasma, like Honey Badger, don’t care.

Morning pretzel gut and anxiety are in full force. Waking to this shit five days a week is getting old. Only time my mornings aren’t like this are weekends. So what does that say about the stress impact this dish dweller thing has on me? Oh, right, I am just too weak to handle life.

But hey, I have enough balls to admit that I kind am a little fragile when it comes to processing stress and triggers.

I’ll let denial and lies remain for the sheeple.

Now…I am gonna watch Scream Queens and see how much it sucks. Maybe it won’t. Maybe pegacorns will fly out of my butt.

On second thought, nooo, that sounds painful.

Too blunt?




9 Responses to “Fiction Is The Best Treatment For Mental Illness”

  1. Pleased to meet you, Snarkasma, I am in fact the über honey badger and I thing that we have much in common. (one of my oldest and dearest friends claims that if I was an animal, I’d be a wolverine, tasmanian devil or honey badger)

    Hopefully some help with sleep will introduce Spook to healthy sleeping patterns.

    Hope your butt is still as it should be and that the pegacorns in it stay quiet.

  2. Melatonin is all natural so it’s not like you’re dumping Valium down your kids throat. I take it at night to help me get to sleep sometimes. Used to smoke weed for that issue … but eh … it’s illegal here so why risk jail?

    It’s funny to read that you would take a pill to remember it all. One time I saw on Good Morning America that they were trying to develop a pill that would wipe out your long-term or short-term memory (whichever pill you chose would have desired effect) and I was all for that shit. The childhood of hell and drugs and abandonment and heartache? Take it all away, please.

    To have a pill that would do the opposite and make me remember everything …probably even the shit I’ve suppressed …. I don’t think I could handle that kind of memory spazz attack.

    • I’ve seen the studies being done now on pills to help PTSD sufferers forget the traumatic memories. Appealing as that is, I wouldn’t want to have to abandon the good things even if few and far between. I also wonder if the bad stuff were taken out..Would I still be the same person?
      Suffice it to say, if I could recover all the knowledge lost to brain damage, meds, etc…I’d take it. Smart is good.

  3. I love it all. Honesty is awesome. Although I’m just told I’m being a bitch because I don’t take anyone’s shit. Whatevs. Melatonin is better than rx meds that we know have addictive qualities. Wth is my sarcasm name-I forgot. Swiss cheese brain NOT from meds-pffffbt. Lies.

  4. honesty is always the way to go, but you are right, you can be honest and tactful at the same time.

  5. Ahh that’s what this Limitless pill advertising campaign all over the internet is for. I only watch Netflix so I miss out on New stuff (unless it’s a NF exclusive) because in the UK you have to pay for a TV licence to watch broadcasted TV or cable (it’s a criminal offence not to have a TV licence and to watch TV, you can get serious jail time for this) and I refuse, on the grounds that the TV licence fee goes to the BBC (no other channels get anything, they all have to pay their way via advertising, like everywhere else in the world does) and their content has been getting progressively shitter year-on-year. They cancelled Top Gear this year, so they’re never getting my money again (and they never got it to begin with but I might have relented at some point if they hadn’t done that, it was literally the only thing from the BBC that was worth watching aside from those sporadic Stephen Fry documentaries). Sorry this turned into a rant.

    • I haven’t had cable in four years. Can watch everything I want on line on Hulu for eight bucks a month, only downside is waiting til the day after it’s aired. I can live with that. Without something to watch or have as background noise, my brain goes bonkers with its paranoia, gotta keep that monster down.

      On Wed, Sep 23, 2015 at 12:53 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:


  6. I strive for tactful honesty. No need to be rude, tho I HAVE resorted to name calling when my back is up. I appreciate honesty more than lies, but some honesty is still very hard to take.

    I had really bad nightmares when I took melatonin. Couldn’t wake up from them. As long as Spook isn’t experiencing anything like that, I don’t see a problem with it.

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