SICK of Living on Planet Asshole, Calgon, Take Me Away!

****disclaimer- Forgive all typos, et al, for I am writing this in my bedroom crypt on my slower than dial up desktop pc without my glasses using the “improved” posting experience which is absolute FUCKING SHIT. This blue and white theme is blinding me more than my anger issues are, fuck you, wordpress. (It’s nearing 11 p.m. and I just can’t be arsed to go to the living room to use the laptop cos it’s too warm in there and I can’t be arsed to drag it in here cos the power cord, the usb sound cord, the external speakers, must all be dragged along so fuck it fuck it fuck it with a barbwire dildo, dial up speed it is. Like Vista offers anything better even with hi speed wifi,)

It was an uneventful day, meaning…my issues didn’t boil over until going into the dish and dealing with its asshole dwellers. Most of whom I am related to in some fashion (kill me now!). My mom told me this morning she’d need a ride to the new apartment from the hotel so I waited…and waited…and waited…four fucking hours, during which I could have mowed the yard and done a plethora of other things rather than waiting to hear the phone. (That safelink freebie phone is a piece of shit that drops call sound and can’t be heard if you’re not on top of it.)

So putting my life on hold because I was told I’d be needed pissed me off, especially when I didn’t even get a call saying never mind.

I mowed half the yard, the front part people can see when they go by. The rest is shielded by my car so fuck ’em and feed ’em to the fish. Stupid city and its “no cloven animals” policy. If I had a pet goat like I want, the lawn would look as spiffy as a haircut bu Edward Scissorhands,

Picked my kid up from the utter chaos. I am not unfriendly or hateful but I still get a little irked when other parents waiting talk to me. I mean, note the book in my face, does this not indicate I am not seeking conversation? I resent being forced to use my limited social skills for no other reason than social nicety. I also resent the massive crowd and traffic that sets my psychotic panic off five days a week, it’s gonna be the death of me.

I procrastinated for two hours before going through with the meatloaf plan to take mom some supper. My sister says they are so picky, and I’ve seen it. Stepmonster brought them a bucket of pork steak and veggies yesterday and they were all thank you, et al, yet told me to feed it to my outside stray cats cos they didn’t like it. So I can imagine, in spite of the kind call telling me the meatloaf was good, they’ve probably had a committee meeting declaring me the worst cook since Hannibal Lecture served a human with chianti. I thought it was good meatloaf.

Once again,even though I explained it to mom THREE times, I was questioned about the gofundme campaign, on behalf of the brother in law. He wanted to know why they’re not getting the full amount listed on the page as a lump sum…Um…Cos it doesn’t work that way, you c*nt and if you bothered to fucking read the page disclaimers, you’d know that. I get my mom not getting it, she hates computers. But if Mr computer genius (self proclaimed) can’t read the page about percentage fees, well, he should just fall into a tree chipper. I’m about to take the damned thing down and tell them to do it themselves. Being questioned by two elderly computer illiterate women is one thing. Having that do nothing fucktwat question me repeatedly, like I am stealing from them, just makes me want to…

Ya know, bash in some skulls with a shovel and let the pegacorn run riot with its horn and razor blade wings. C*nt.

I don’t have fucking anger issues, I have issues with fucking assholes. If assholes could fly, this town would be an airport.

The apartment they got is nice, for what it is- a unit in an old house converted to apartments. But four people, one bedroom, the elderly women sleeping in the living room where one of them has a portable toilet when she can’t make it to the actual bathroom….Ugh. My visits were few before when they had the big house, they are gonna be nil now. My kid has no room to play, she has to be quiet due to the other neighbors downstairs…Plus let’s not forget the two dogs and ten cats crammed in there…

And ya know, amidst all that, my mom and her roommates biggest gripe was not being able to get the cable turned on til Sunday and they can’t find their remotes to even watch dvds. Um…If you’re stupid enough to buy a 42 inch LCd flat screen, you deserve no cable or dvds. Seriously, most people aren’t out buying such things then two days later calling family about how they’re starving cos they couldn’t afford to buy food. That infuriates me to no end. Food first, then you watch and old CRT set which will last 15-20 years without needing a single fucking repair. If you buy a flat panel,. you deserve the issues that come with it.

Yeah, I AM salty and vindictive me, sue me. You’ll be lucky to get belly button lint out of me.

To add further to my “people are assholes” rant…R sent me two texts, I didn’t hear the first. ( I reiterate this new tracfone is absolute shit) I responded to the second as soon as I got it. To which he replied, “Oh, you wait til I am home to return my message?” Um…I was driving, for fuck’s sake, and I can’t hear shit over a v-8 engine, a yapping child, and the music I play in hopes she will sing along with it and stop distracting me. (Yeah, almost had another wreck cos she was so busy yapping I got confused which blinker someone had on, pulled out, and they were turning that way so this time, I am the c*nt.)

I sent a text explaining all this but never did hear so much as a fuck you back. Yet if he takes two days to return a text from me, I should be thankful he even found the time then. I don’t even know what the fuck that is other than being a narcissistic asshole.

I need out of this place. I’m not doing the “grass is greener on the other side” thing. I’ve known since childhood I don’t belong here. It’s killing me slowly, same as the mental bullshit. Throw in a non supportive family where the assholes are favored…SOMEONE ADOPT ME AND MY KID AND GET US THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Tis 11 p.m. I took the Melatonin and Xanax over an hour ago. It should be kicking in yet my mind is still churning (much like my stomach has been doing all day). I spent an hour earlier just laying in bed, thinking how empty and broken I feel without Abby and Arsenic. That’ll teach me to ever get attached to anything again.

They can’t  be replaced and I can’t afford it, but I think a new kitten to focus on would probably be very healthy for me, mentally. It’s not being disloyal to the loves I’ve lost, it’s just a very sad aching soul seeking some sort of reinforcement that life is worthwhile. Not my fault cats prove that to me more than people do.

I reiterate- Calgon, take me the fuck away!

I’m gonna try that sleep thing. My kid didn;t zonk til almost ten so I predict the morning is gonna be all out war with Spook the grouch. Arghh.

I wanna be a pirate so I can drink rum before noon and I want a foul mouthed parrot on my shoulder to tell people to fuck off when my social programming vetoes my true feelings.

Mostly I’d really appreciate it if a wizard would just make the bipolar and anxiety go the fuck away. I don’t think such a wand so magic exists even in fiction.

10 Responses to “SICK of Living on Planet Asshole, Calgon, Take Me Away!”

  1. Hey Morgue, when I get that hit song or book and plenty of money, I’ll file the papers here and you and Spook can join me in the Netherlands. I think your rage-o-meters will drop dramatically just getting out of there. And what the hell? If I ever WAS going to adopt, it would be an older kid. You’re a little older than I imagined, but hey! I’m up for it.

  2. I hope you won’t mind me saying this, but nothing of what you’ve said here sounds unreasonable in any way. I really wish you could get away from the lot, start a new life elsewhere. Xxx

  3. I had to stop and think on the Calgon reference, because they’re things that go into dishwashers here rather than bath products.

    Is the brother-in-law the one that ‘lost’ the $200? Sounds to me like he’s chucking paint and hoping it sticks to you to cover his own bullshit. :/

  4. I seriously do not believe that your “family” is acting the way that they are. If my house burned down and I had to rely on the charity of strangers and family, you would never see a more grateful person. Unbelievable. I don’t know how you do it. I really don’t

  5. Shit. They changed the format again? I haven’t been been on the computer etc so no clue about changes.

  6. I don’t really have anything to comment on your rant, but Pirate (the parrot) said to tell your brother in law *quote* “Fuck you low life ass face, brraaccckkk!!!” ;-*

  7. Psychotic panic? Shiiiiiit…. What kind of hallucinations or delusions does the bastard thing give you?

  8. There was an old version of the posting thingy? Mine’s always been blue and white. Sometimes I can’t read it at all and I just stab at the keyboard.
    I can’t believe how ungrateful your family are after everything you’ve done for them, things that they wanted at the time and which you went out of your way to help them with.
    Bleurgh.
    Also amen to getting a goat (although my rabbit Katie has successfully managed to eat an entire 30 foot back garden’s worth of lawn in the last 15 months, but she won’t touch the front because peoples cats go there, so we have half a safari park out front that I’m trying to get rid of). I want one of those mini-sheep they’re so cute. We haven’t owned a lawnmower for 2 years, we rely on the rabbits.

  9. The word picture of ass holes flying in and out though…! I want a goat too b/c my mum and dad are on a damn acre and have a push mower and dad is getting on in years so I get to mow it for them. They could take turns and each push a row forward and a row back and they’d both get good exercise I bet. I also want a swearing pirate parrot and a big dog to mo(a)tivate the old goat. I mean the goat, not my dad– sheesh, what are you thinking I’m thinking and will you stop putting thoughts in my head?

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