How Does Life Suck…Let Me Count The Ways

09-02-15_Abby at vetFundraiser for Abby’s vet costs still going.

So, yeah, no sunshine spewage here. This is a pure raw sewage suckage assfuckery ride on the double decker suck bus.And no apologies because sometimes things just plain suck and hurt.

After a long fitful night of giving Arsenic vitamins and trying to keep him comfortable while my kid kept waking up and I kept having coughing fits due to sinus drainage…Arsenic is barely holding on this morning. That’s how my day started out. (Guess you know the vet won’t take on another cat from me so this is agonizing.)

Then I stopped at the vet’s to inquire about Abby. The vet came to talk to me. He said Abby had a rough night and they had been afraid she wouldn’t make it. I was upset already about Arsenic and this put me into tears since yesterday I was given the opposite news. In true human nature, he told me taking care of her was going get cost prohibitive because I brought her in in such bad condition. I mentioned how I tried to get her in five days ago before the abscess even ruptured and he lectured me about my lack of income, my bad credit, a charge off from years ago at their clinic (never mind I came back, after the fact, and paid the whole thing, nope, I’m a credit risk, which is fair enough, but kicking a crying woman like that with financial shit is low.) He suggested I sign her away so she could be fully treated and given to a “better” home. Then he mentioned euthanasia since I can’t afford treatment. Every time a doctor suggests that and I don’t bow down, I feel like a monster, like I am selfish to make her suffer for my own needs. Yet if a parent gives up on a sick child, that’s reprehensible, wtf.

The water works kicked up ten notches when he lectured me on pet ownership being a responsibility, including medical costs, and perhaps I should not have pets if I can’t afford that. He’s damned lucky I am pms-y teary hormonal and not in the rage cycle or I might have hit him with my purse. My big cats are healthy as a team of oxen in spite of the flea epidemic. The fleas are taking out kittens without the adult immune system. My cat has one in as bad a shape as Abby and she has  20 other cats- yes, 20- and the vet she found (she can afford to drive out of town) hasn’t lectured her this way or given up on her kitty. To say I am livid is an understatement. I know that vet was trying to guilt me. Give her a new home, my ass. Second I sign the papers, they’d put her down. LIES.

It’s not gonna happen. Abby is fighting and I am gonna keep fighting. I have conceded defeat enough on all my sick cats. This time…I gotta try. Maybe it makes me selfish and maybe I am a low life for being a beggar and having a fundme campaign.  I just know how much we love Abby and she’s shown this much strength and courage…I’m not giving up until I absolutely have to. I repaid R for the money he put down and they still have his card on file, he seems willing to keep fronting the money for her care, to a certain point, as long as I can pay him back. So if she’s got fight in her…I’m fighting for her. Dammit, they let me see her for ten seconds this morning as she was mid treatment and she purred under my touch and stared up at me and…I can’t give up. I can’t. I won’t. If whatever deity exists deems it her time to go, fine. But if she’s fighting..I am fighting. Besides. We don’t give up treating humans when it’s cost prohibitive and they may not live. No, euthanasia is wrong for humans yet the go to for pets. And it’s not fucking right.

He made it clear even if she does survive and get stronger I can’t bring her home til my other cats and home have been treated for fleas. I have flea bombs but the $21 each for Frontline for four cats…Damn. This doctor is an ass. I am betting wealthy people don’t get treated that way. Bet he’d want to take my kid away because I am broke and unfit.

I hate people. I love people. Actually, it’s not that complex. I LOVE human kindness, creativity, humor, loyalty. I fucking loathe assholes. Relocate me to a place where the good outnumber the assholes, my attitude might improve.

So that’s been my morning, and it’s only 10 am-ish. I  put up a flyer for the fund at the gas station this morning. I even got the email addy of a cashier I know and she’s active on Facebook so she is going to pass it on. For me to open myself up this way to people, who scared the shit out of me, has to speak volumes as to how much Abby is loved. I’m not making it about me (except being offended by the foul attitude toward my limited income). I’ll rip out my still beating heart for her at this point. My life has become a cesspool of depression and anxiety and so much has just slipped through my fingers.; Some days, I can’t even remember if I made sure my kid had her shoes on when I dropped her off. I’m a trainwreck and it just keeps piling up. Which I suppose is the balance because I had a few months were things were calm-ish and I was just drowning in my normal depression and anxiety. Throwing all this on top, though, has really broken me down. Though I wonder if I’d be this weepy and fragile if it weren’t horrormonal pre-game.

I think the worst part of it all is, the nurse I spoke to yesterday gave me one report, then another one gives me the complete opposite. Making my joy and elation deflate like a balloon pricked with a damned foot long needle. FACTS, people. Get your shit straight before giving false hope. And stop making me feel monstrous. There are people training animals to fight to the death, people starving their pets. My biggest crime is being poor and having shit credit. I’m obviously the leader of the satanic pegacorn brigade, out to destroy sweet kitties with my sin of poverty.

Ass trash.

I got that new Safelink phone. Spent an hour on hold waiting for a live operator yesterday.Got one with this squeaky accented voice I couldn’t understand. My kid decided to have a screaming mimi then and there when I finally got a person. The woman took forever setting up my phone. And I gotta call them back today because they said I had to make a call to activate it…yet it won’t let me make a call because it’s not activated. What the fuck? Another hour on the phone? Fuck. And I tried their callback service. I got my callback. And the bitch hung up on me. I hadn’t said anything but hello.

About the only things that have been remotely positive is the fundraiser at least netting enough for my to repay R. I don’t know what to do about the rest, but if he’s willing to go so much as long as I repay it…I’ll figure it out even if worrying gives me an(other) ulcer. He even let me off for the thirty bucks I owed him for cat food, gas, and that new phone. (Yeah, the phone was under eight bucks with shipping, so not like it was that pricey.) I am learning a new appreciation for his friendship. I still can’t stand the fact that I’ve listened to him prattle on for hours this week about his fight de jour with the missus yet I try to talk about my shit and he just shuts me down and starts on his own shit again. That’s completely shitty but not exclusive to him. He’s been a good friend. Of course, I’ve been an amazing ex girlfriend, considering his sole reason for breaking up with me was my mood swings. Cos I totally asked to be bipolar, it’s awesome. Call it a draw,we’re both awesomely flawed.

I’m taking him lunch today as a thank you. Not that I remotely want to be around anyone because I can’t seem to turn off the waterworks for more than a couple of minutes at a time and the sinus shit is miserable. (Yet I think of poor Abby and wanna slap myself for complaining.)

I drew up some papers I am gonna drop at the superintendent’s office regarding the bus situation. I tried to let it go, but when my stomach churns daily to the point of throwing up because of the gridlock pick up…Yeah, I want an explanation, I am due that much, considering Mapquest declares both routes over the 1.5 mile requirement. I tossed in the word “discriminatory” because I’m just that irked.

Oh, to irk me further…The child support paperwork came back to me. Not as in returned, but mailed back the exact same papers to fill out again. This is their idea of efficiency? No wonder this state is fucking broke. GRRRR.

I’m sure I could rant some more but I’m not gonna. I am gonna make up a flyer for Abby’s fund and print a few out at the shop. Lots of places in town have corkboards for people to place ads and business cards. I’m not done fighting for Abby by a long shot. Though I wonder if that evil fuck of a doctor won’t euthanize her and tell me she died because he’s afraid of not getting his precious money. If she comes out of there ok…I am soo changing doctors even if I have to sell plasma for gas money to get there.

Anyway…That is all.


23 Responses to “How Does Life Suck…Let Me Count The Ways”

  1. I’m so sorry this shit storm’s continuing on you! I don’t know what to say ‘cept love ya & I’m here for you. 😥

  2. I have an umbrella we can share. ❤ You

  3. I am severely pissed by this vet’s attitude. It’s not as if you are leaving her to suffer and die at your house. You are trying to get it all together to pay the fees he wants, when, lets face it, he can probably afford to go pro bono in this case. But to make you feel like shit because you’re having trouble getting the money together? That’s shitty on a human scale, much less a doctor scale. I hope that she makes it and we will all (i’m sure) continue to pass the word.

    I’m glad you were able to get the letter to the school. The buzzwords (discriminatory) often are very effectvie.

    Big hugs!

    • It’s odd how some doctors/lawyers are required to do X amount of pro bono work every year to keep their license but vets can pretty much run riot with the costs. And as I pointed out to him, I was willing to give him my debit card number, so they could put a hold on the money. He’s just a dickhead. Shame his dad retired, he was the one who was always so cool to me and the cats.

  4. Leslie I agree, I’m more than 100% sure that Assholeterinarian (veterinarian) could eat/write the expenses off,,, sad unnecessary situation for all involved, seeing that total strangers are willing to help & this fuckface has all the means at his disposal, should care & does virtually nothing (walking piece of shit) SICKENING!!!

    • I told Zoe the problem has turned out that it was his father who treated all my other cats. Now it’s junior running the show and he’s pretty shitty to everyone who isn’t wealthy. (as in able to pay for every tiny test, check up, treatment, surgery, and incident of unicorn poopage, in full on demand.)
      Makes me feel less shitty for putting her there, there was no way I could know the son took over. I just found out my regular vet retired at ninety and…reached out to the one place I’d dealt with and had a good experience.
      Ha, see what optimism got me. Hopefully they treat Abby better.

      • Still he should be held to a standard *kitt(y)opocritic oath? Or since he lacks sense & compassion, Get the fuck outta Dodge!

      • Barbwire dildo missiles need to be launched that direction once Abby is in the clear. On principle alone. Elitists should never be allowed to be vets anymore than pedophiles should be allowed to work with children.

      • Just a news story today, in York, Pa. 37 y/o female (language/spelling teacher/tutor?) charged child porn/rape,,, could be part of larger conspiracy/ring,,, investigated FBI, Homeland Security, etc,,, Sick, shoot her!

      • I still find it baffling why male teachers messing with teen girls is awful, yet ask most men about a hot teacher messing with teen boys, they call it a wet dream come true.
        I don’t even know anymore, my brain is so fried and my social skills so inept.

      • That was a topic of discussion a month or two back on TV. I think it was brought up after that female teacher that had an affair/seduced/did time & released & plans on marrying her now of age “boyfriend”/former student,,, yeah it’s a fuckin’ mess. Oddly, today I just reviewed with Jayden NOBODY should look, touch,,, his privates OR the reverse. Nor should any Dr unless it’s warranted, Mom & I ok only appropriate (applying meds or checking area if he had something he needs us for,,, Gotta be sure they’re safe, too n many subhuman FUCKERS out there,,,,

  5. I am so glad I didn’t have people like this handling my case with my dog. They were the nicest people in the world and in a matter of 6 hours they had my grant up and running. I did have to sign up for monthly payments of preventive care health insurance thingy, which is $44 a month. Covers all office visits, basic care and a bit of advanced care for her age. I had her on this plan while I was on disability but when I lost benefits we bowed out. Now my mother is paying for it with her disability. BUT at least they didn’t give me shit for being poor. On the contrary. So this guy is a fucking asshole. I

    • Agreed. And the thing I didn’t hit on immediately is that it’s a father/son clinic so the old guy was who I always dealt with and he was awesome. His son…not so much, he seems to favor wealthy people. I’ve talked to my sis and stepmonster both and their dealings with the younger doc have been same as mine.
      Never again at this place. Things may7 change but this change was for the assfuckery worst.

  6. I shared it on Facebook.

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