Add another problem to the list

I suffered miserably yesterday between an excessively low mood and the aching gums and jaw. It was like having a throbbing toothache where there is no tooth. Phantom pain. I started getting the sniffles. At one point my ears ached to the point I mashed my hands over them because my kid’s loud voice was causing me physical agony. I assumed it was my mental shit, it’s always the mental shit, mentally ill people NEVER have legitimate physical causes.

Until bedtime where I really started feeling like shit. Running nose, sinus drainage, almost choking on it all. Yep. A sinus issue. Cos the allergies and bites and nervous hives weren’t enough. The stress stomach aches weren’t enough. Let’s add something else to the list. I NEVER had sinus issues a day in my life prior to the spawn’s birth which gives credence to all my bodily functions being affected by the pregnancy. I slept a little after some quality time with the tissue box. Then I woke up again and was so itchy I had to throw myself into the shower. Yet I couldn’t handle bright light so I showered by candle light. By 1 a.m. I was desperate enough to take a Melatonin. And still, I kept waking up, jaw and gums hurting, head heavy with drainage. Ugh. Can’t catch a fucking break here.

Come morning and I can barely drag my ass out of bed. My kid is already screaming at me because something didn’t go her way and it’s all my fault. Absinthe just keeps getting sicker and I’ve tried to borrow money from everyone I know to take her to the vet and they’re all broke as I am so I can’t do a fucking thing to help her. The sinus issue is still in full force this morning though the pain in my gums and jaw has moved to the other side, so it must be draining. Happy Sunday frigging morning. On the plus side, peace has been made with the spawn now that she rode out her fit and ceded that I was right about how to put her shirt on.

My dad and stepmonster stopped by yesterday. Chatted a bit. They rarely come inside anymore because my scented oil and such make her allergies act up. Wahh, sue me for doing aromatherapy. Dad was on a tear again  about people who don’t work. It never ends with that man. Then I mentioned the school bus thing and he snarked, “Well, what you do IF YOU ACTUALLY DID WORK?” Um…I’m about to drink bleach right now, so I might have to bump it up to industrial acid. IDFK. He just has to be so nasty, like it is gonna help me. Yet my  20 year old “special ed class” brother still lives with them, no job, getting disability and playing video games all day. What the fuck. He wasn’t so special needs it kept him from going to a normal school, getting good grades, and graduating. When I quit school at sixteen, I was told I had X months to get a job or get out. Things have always been different for the siblings. It’s less jealousy and more outrage at not playing fair.

Then he mentioned something in the newspaper about “superlouse” going around the school which is resistant to ALL methods of lice treatment. Since then I have been itching and paranoid as hell, inspecting Spook’s scalp like some rabid helicopter scalp mom. Tempted to buy us both astronaut helmets.

I am aware it seems like all I do is fuss but I have been dealt a shitty few months and it’s taking a toll. That impacts my attitude and it paints me as somehow about to go over the edge. For those who have shown concern, I appreciate it. But this really is just a case of things being shitty and the seasonal coming on. If I get to the point where I am teetering on the edge, I will be emailing the femmes and butch for sage advice.

I see the doctor tomorrow. I’ve prepared (what I hope) is a concise list of my problems. Last time I did it he waved it off, wouldn’t even read it. Guess I am going to have to insist. I get so nervous and he takes it as hypomania and I just think he’s doing me a disservice. If he won’t listen to me, let him read.

And I guess that’s it for now. Day is young. Maybe I will be like  people who think blogging is akin to Facebook updates and post ten things a day about every tiny thing including what they had for supper. Sorry to be bitchy, but it really is irksome. If I wanted short mundane details I would use Twatter and Fuckfacebook.  Sadly, it’s not limited to a couple of people, it’s the way of the world these days. And it’s designed for more likes and to gain followers which comes off as super needy to me. R’s daughters are the worst at it. Every tiny detail gets written up like a post yet it amounts to being as interesting as watching paint dry. Maybe I ramble too much but 80% of each post has content more deep than “My kid went poop”.

Ahh, the familiar venom of oncoming pms. I am just getting hit from all sides. Yet it is a mystery why my posts aren’t shiny happy vomit spewage. I am a freak for having a blog tagged depression, writing about depression, and not painting it shiny.

I suck.




3 Responses to “Add another problem to the list”

  1. I hate that you get shat upon from seemingly all angles. Your father isn’t even supportive. wtf?

  2. Sounds like your doctor is a bit crap. I changed mine this week after I went to him with a bad head injury (I’m still struggling with basic shit like my name and it changes so quickly) and he waved it off, then the next day I had to go to hospital with it. I’m sure you already know but tea tree oil repels lice. I use lavender and tea tree shower gel.
    I hope Absinthe gets well. Are there any charities in America that can pay vet bills? Any idea how much you need? Have you thought of doing an online fundraiser? I don’t have much but I would send you £10 or so if I knew how.

  3. Oh Morgue I gotta load up that giraff, some smokes & those IVs, come get (kidnap) you & Spook. I could use a partner in crime here, commiserate ya know,,, At least my family doesn’t treat each other like dicks, we are close ~ dysfunctional, not assholes. Yes! You KNOW to email me WHENEVER you need! All us Chicka Femmes. £0√€ ya!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: