My Superhero Name Is…Snarkasma

I’m out of bed in the same clothes I wore yesterday and thus far I have read email, fed cats, and put trash at the curb. Sadly, I am exhausted already. This shark week thing absolutely sucks. My entire body aches like I went ten rounds with Tyson. And the bitch of it is, I can’t even look forward to menopause because I can’t take hormones due to blood clots. Yeah, yeah, always gotta find the negatives, don’t I. I’m gifted that way.

I’ve thought a lot lately about how people take my sarcastic sense of humor entirely wrong. This is what therapy got me- pathological self awareness. The counselor said I couldn’t see things in shades of gray and perhaps, during manic/hypomanic episodes, I can’t because my emotions are amped up and distorted. But right now, even with the depressive undertow, I do see shades of gray. Like how people with an upbeat, optimistic personality could take my sarcasm as negativity and bad attitude. I don’t wish to project this and I certainly take no joy in unintentionally offending…Yet if I have learned anything in my life, it is that I have to be true to myself. I can’t take responsibility for clashing personalities and alter who I am for the comfort of others.

That being said…I do feel like a little background is needed. I wasn’t always a complete smartass. I didn’t always have a whiplash tongue. This was forged after so many years of being bullied at school. Sarcasm became my shield and it was effective. A well delivered barb to a guy in front of his buddies suggesting underendowment in the genital region can be just as devastating as a punch to the face. I found power in my sarcasm shield. I wasn’t just the girl to be kicked around, I was a fierce force to be reckoned with. If you had the balls to come after me with insults, you had to be prepared for a snarky comeback that just might put a dent in the ego. Perhaps sarcasm and foul insulting language weren’t the socially acceptable way to go but I was in hell and I had to arm myself with what I could.

And that was how Snarkasma came to be. My super power is sarcasm. My costume is basic black leggings and shirts. I like my eyeliner black and thick. I wield no weapons other than a quick wit, a “burst into flames” glare, and the ability to win verbal warfare in my sleep. If this comes off as negative or Debbie Downer…Too bad. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I was properly horrified this morning when Chris landed this monstrosity in my inbox. Fuck your square spork and its “new and improved” design, creators! I appreciate the info, Chris, so I may launch a campaign against this…this…blasphemy against spork kind. Sporks: round. Spoon/fork combo. NOT square, not made with a cutting edge like a knife. If you’re gonna redesign and reinvent the wheel, you should not bastardize the sheer elegance of a spork by calling your utensil of ick by that same name.

Sue me, I like sporks. My old myspace page was riddled with spork pictures.It’s funny stuff.

I was watching a true crime thing last night and the ‘professional’ therapist they had on there kept saying, “This woman used her bipolar diagnosis as an excuse for her bad character.” Over and over she said this and every time, I wanted to put my fist through the screen into her face.Now, given, I don’t know the woman that was being discussed, maybe she just is a spoiled bitch brat. But saying that bipolar patients use their disorder as an excuse for hypersexuality and such…Um, that’s the very definition of bipolar, you moron. Perhaps some milk that so they can behave badly outside of manic episodes. Most of us do not. It’s not an excuse, it’s our reality.

Bipolar disorder is the double-decker suck-bus of a life. This thing devours any semblance of a normal life for many of us. So just because “most bipolar patients, once medicated, can live a full productive life” does not mean it works that way for all, especially those of us with multiple diagnoses. Ignorance is just a trigger for me, especially from a so called mental health professional. I guess I get too bent over asinine things but it’s my thing. If you’re not outraged by something, then you’re not alive or you’re not human. Some stuff should piss you off. Denying that is not being positive, it’s being a moron.

Now in a shocking move- put on your seatbelts and crash helmets, this is gonna give you whiplash…I had a POSITIVE moment yesterday. I was watching trailers for new tv shows starting next month. A couple looked so interesting, I got goosebumps. That kind of got me jazzed. So much is in the air in my life right now, it’s hard to think beyond the now and mere survival. Seeing something to actually look forward to..was pleasant. And for the record…If I were given a chance to take that pill in Limitless…I soo would. Because god knows I’ve shoved so many FDA approved psych meds down my gullet, what’s one more pill that could kill me? Least that has mega benefits. And having your brain sending so much information at once wouldn’t really be an adaptation for bipolar.

Now, courtesy of Diane’s wicked sense of humor, I am gonna end this post with some funnies.

_20150811_072116

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(I’ve never had the Xanax bars, I always have gotten alprazolam. And oddly unicorn poop looks a lot like the frosting that was on my kid’s birthday cake. Just saying.)

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31 Responses to “My Superhero Name Is…Snarkasma”

  1. “Snarkasma,” I like everything about the alter ego: costume, eye liner, attitude and sharp wit.

    As for the new improved spork, maybe it works but it shouldn’t properly be called a spoon, a fork, a knife or a spork. Maybe it’s a “fuck?” People would be buying multiples of a tool called that, just so they could give one. This creative advertiser idea brought to you by Deon Mumple, please send your cash directly to me.

    As for positive moments, I hope to continually be one for all my blogtastic friends. You encourage me, it’s the least I can do to try to return the favor.

  2. I love your personality, my friend. The minute I came to your blog and read you I was like “where has she been all my life?” Seriously. You are honest, real, and I don’t view any negativity in you at all. The other people are just weak.

    • This community is very encouraging and helpful to me, in understanding me and helping me learn to understand a lot more about myself and my negativity and my other issues. I love every one of these writers dearly and I’m grateful they are here. I want to encourage others even as I’m going through it, because it’s like a community, or maybe even, a family. Reading about how others feel, learning I’m not alone, means a great deal.

  3. I love your sarcasm and snarkiness….you make life interesting. If someone doesn’t like it, there are plenty of “woe is me” blogs out there.

  4. You. Had. A. Positive. Moment.

    Brb going to try and retrieve my eyes from wherever they popped to when I read that.

  5. Lol, well written post my friend. Glad you made it through the spork massacre, lol!

  6. *YOU HAD ME AT SNARK!! Seriously, read your blog 1st time months ago (& i feel like our personality was/is really similar ~> smart assed, haha yep!! ;-*

    • Ya know…Birds of a feather ride giraffes together…

      On Tue, Aug 11, 2015 at 8:59 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

      • ,,, you do remember, this birdie Chick flapped her wings & all the pigeons laughed! Sooo I guess that’s why I love dem GΔ«raffes, I’m pretty high up when a stand on ’em! πŸ˜‰

      • WTF do you mean wings were flapped as hard as they could be and flight did not happen, only mockery??? This is an affront to shiny happy therapy where it is possible to fart rainbows! How dare you dispel their denial!!!

        On Tue, Aug 11, 2015 at 9:05 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • I’m a badass!! I’m not backing down from those butt hurt know it alls!

      • BWD for all, to make them more butt hurt!

      • Yep, & use Alum as a lube!!

      • Well, that clinches it. You’re kind enough to use any kind of lube. Myself, I’d just forego lube then mock them relentlessly fr being pussies. “The pain is all in your mind, smile through it, think positively, snap out of it…” Marquis de Sade got nothing on me.

        On Tue, Aug 11, 2015 at 9:34 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • *alum is a substance that makes things constrict,,, not at all a ‘lube’. πŸ™‚

      • My email is manicmurderdoll@gmail.com I don’t mind putting it out there ‘cos I have lots of experience creating filters against the unsavory πŸ˜‰ And Sass gave me your email, so fret not, I won’t put it on any bathroom walls unless the drunken giraffe tells me to.

        On Tue, Aug 11, 2015 at 9:43 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Well I’m gonna say gnite (just took Trazodone, see how that works, & if ya want, you can get my/give your email address to Sass is or Zoe, I don’t wanna put it in the ‘public eye’ TTYL, gnite, love us Chicka! ;-*

  7. Just Plain Ol' Vic Says:

    I think I was born with the “smart ass” gene but it has taken decades to hone my skills. I embrace my sarcasm, wrap it around me like a comfortable blanket and then whip it out and smack someone with it as needed!

    • You, Sir, have earned my eternal respect. Far too many take shame in sarcasm. You wearing it like a blanket, that’s just admirable.

      On Tue, Aug 11, 2015 at 10:10 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  8. I loved your personality from the very first time I read a post by you. You’re funny as hell when your ranting or not. I would miss you very much. Love ya ❀

  9. I walked into my pub “I’ll have a bullet to the brain”
    They never even blinked, just got on with getting me a cup of tea and some food, before been so normal in offering that bullet jokingly…
    I don’t do sarcastic, I live it!
    I would so happily be your side kick ‘Just don’t care boy’

    “I’m going to take over the world”
    “Really, just kind of here because society demands I save the day, not really feeling it though”
    “But I’m holding the world in the palm of my hand”
    “Yea, I know, just kind of short of reasons to care much about the shit fest of a world”
    “You know, you’ve bummed me out so much I don’t feel like taking over the world, you win”
    “Yea, now I have to fill out shit loads of paper work”

  10. Well if you’re Snarkasma who am I?! You know I’m all about the snark, sarcasm and smartassiness too! And I didn’t need to know about Spook’s Unicorn Poop frosted cake. And I dropped my phone when I read you had a positive moment-I was THAT SHOCKED! Lurve ewe

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