When Cynicism Is EARNED

Not ten minutes after I posted “Shamble On” last night…All sweaty and cranky and worn out, thinking only of my bedroom with its cool fan and soft mountain of pillows…THE POWER WENT OUT.

My kid started screaming. I couldn’t find a flash light so I was stumbling about trying to find a candle to light. Within five minutes of no fans, the place was a sauna and I was having trouble breathing due to the humidity. I was worried about my food in the freezer thawing ‘cos the seal isn’t tight and humidity makes it all melty. The cats were spazzing out. I was looking outside to make sure it wasn’t just me who’d overloaded the circuits. Nope, even the street lights were out. (Sigh of relief, because I hate when the problem is just me and I have to call the mafia, er, power company to come.) Oh, and my cell phone had died unknown to me and I couldn’t even charge it.

Tried to sit outside by candle light because it was hot inside. No go. Bugs ate us both alive. Finally, we took a cool down shower and settled in my room where it was a degree cooler. Yap yap went the spawn. I took a Xanax because I, too, was unnerved and yet, I have to be the adult and soothe her.

Almost three hours before the power came back on.

I woke up pretty much every hour on the hour. When I finally got up, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Which I never take my phone to the bathroom with me, I was just carrying it to the living room, made a quick stop, and bam. It’s the safelink phone I use as emergency and I just got this replacement Friday. Now it’s fucked and if I want to keep my service, I have to buy another phone. I don’t know why they just can’t transfer the service to the tracfone I’ve had for six years now. I don’t want to upgrade or downgrade, I like what I have. GRRRR. I stuck toilet phone in a bag of rice, not that it will do any good.Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The spawn is hammering at my brain with uzi fire and Elsa’s warbling.I’m glad I get a break from her even if my motivation to go babysit the grown child is nil. The way my body is aching and I’m so quick tempered, I just know shark week is about to arrive. That’s always the wild card time for me. I could go off like a bomb or I could burst into tears like a fragile child. Fun stuff, good times.

So to all who say I am negative, cynical, pessimistic, blah blah blah..Fuck you. I have EARNED my “whatever can go wrong will go wrong, especially if I am being mindful of the moment with any enthusiasm and optimism” cynicism.

Now I am gonna serve dish time and see what else can go wrong. And if nothing goes wrong, I will be pleasantly surprised. If bad shit happens, at least I won be caught off guard. It’s called cautious optimism, it’s therapist approved, and it works for me. Now get off my lawn, ya whippersnapper.

I’ve also earned my old woman grumpiness.



8 Responses to “When Cynicism Is EARNED”

  1. Shit woman!! I see people backing away from you, cautiously making cross symbols with their forearms,,, wow!! *there’s a song from the 70’s Hee Haw ‘Gloom, Despair & Agony,,,’ (“if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at allll,,, gloom dispair & agony ohhh me,,,) my Daddy used to watch it. That was a goofy skit,,, i’m coming over with cigs, beer, etc. Maybe get buzzed/drunk & create distractive havoc,,,

  2. with friends like dianetharp70 you should have no trouble at all feeling better. “prayer, drinks, and encouragement on me” sounds much better than the present scenario. I hope they’re nicely chilled drinks, you deserve a nice cold one. And I hope the phone surprises you and actually starts working again, although you’ll know where it’s been…

    • It was a clean toilet, dude. Otherwise I’d have the tongs out and a trash bag at the ready 😉 Sadly, I’m pretty sure it’s toast. It survived me three whole days, woo hoo. So much for upgrading, I am doomed to dumb phones.

  3. Sounds like hell to me, you’ve definitely earned your cynicism stripes 😦

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