Anemic Mental Health Care

I become more convinced each day my doctor is a quack.I flat out told him I didn’t want any sleep med that could result in me doing something in my sleep with no memory, like driving. He had the nerve to laugh at me and insist that’s only happened when people take such meds and mix it with booze or other drugs.

Yet I Google-fu Restoril and…

Some people using Restoril have engaged in activity such as driving, eating, or making phone calls and later having no memory of the activity. If this happens to you, stop taking Restoril and talk with your doctor about another treatment for your sleep disorder.

What the actual fuck? What is wrong with this man? I don’t care if the adverse effect has happened to 2% of people, I want to fucking know the potential for such things as I have a kid to care for.
Oh, in addition the above loveliness, it can also cause a fatal reaction involving swelling of the face, tongue, etc, which he failed to mention. Oh, and it can make depression worse and cause suicidal thoughts so the doctor should be aware if you have a history of such things. OMFG.
Am I the crazy one here, really?
He thinks I am being histrionic or some shit, but with an active kid like mine, I can’t afford to be zonked out, I can’t risk “sleep driving” and leaving her home alone, then having no memory of it.
This sucks, I had such hope for him, he seems like a nice guy. But his approach is so laid back and “side effects are rare”, I’m afraid he’s gonna kill me or get me put in prison. One would think he would laud my concern for making sure I am able to care for my child. Instead, he makes me feel like I am non compliant and being asinine.

It irked me the other day when he asked, “What was the problem with Trileptal?” Um…Were you not there at the appointment where I told you it was making me numb, suicidal, more depressed? Did you not jot a note in there so when you serve your two years and flee, the next doctor has a notation of the meds I had a bad reaction to?
What do I even have this guy for except to write scripts?

And of course, the inevitable, “You can’t just do meds, you have to have therapy.”
I did therapy from 1993 until 2013. It never cured the bipolar or anxiety. Even the therapists noted that I was doing okay until the seasonal hit, or a depressive bout when the meds conked out. Unless that was going on or I was having major life stress, I was fine, see you again in a month.
So remind again how that’s so helpful? I’m not anti therapy, mind you. I’d probably still be in it had that Yoyo counselor not slapped a new diagnosis on me after two sessions then broken my confidentiality by relaying messages through my brother and stepmom.
Now that R’s know it all daughter works at that place…Nope.
Find me a counselor insurance pays for that isn’t in *that* place, I’ll go. I’ll go everyday if it moves your furniture. But when you feel betrayed and have trust issues, expecting me to go back there is like psychogical rape.

I am so confused by it all. And I feel guilty for not just bowing down to their “expertise” because ya know, I’m mad as a hatter and have zero grasp over how I feel or what’s helpful and what isn’t.
If I were so arrogant, I wouldn’t feel guilty for questioning them.
Yet, their approaches and opinions, based on so little time spent with me, disturb me. It doesn’t feel like a good fit.
Part of me just wants to totally reject/go in to denial of the diagnoses and cope the way a large portion of people do. Drink, smoke dope, pop pills. I’m so stressed out dealing with all this drama involved in my “care”. Tired of feeling like a trained seal, balancing a ball on my nose, trying to meet their precious DSM criterion so I’m not dismissed. Afraid to even say I had one good day a month because well, I must be cured.
It’s cruel the way that is done to the mentally ill. Not only does it not stick thus it’s an anomaly, not a sign of being cured or stable, but it completely dismisses the 29 other days of being in the abyss. It’s offensive and insulting.

Just from blogging, I know for every one person completely happy with their “mental healthcare team” there are ten like me who are sitting here going, what the fuck, because we’re dismissed at every turn, doctor, therapists, family, friends. That this is the norm should disturb everyone. No one would put up with such shitty care for physical issues. Fix it so it gets better or I’m gonna find someone who will. Yet with mental healthcare, options are very limited, especially for those with Medicare and Medicade. And every time you change a doctor or therapist rather than reflect poorly on them, it just makes you look like you can’t get along with anyone, or you’re upset because they wouldn’t tell you what you want to hear.
I guess it helps people sleep at night to view it that way.
It’s not that way, though.
It’s not us taking a bad attitude or simply not being pleased for not hearing what we want to hear.
We come to these people for support, for help, and it seems the majority do more harm than good. Yet it’s a mystery why some of us don’t get better?
We’re supposed to respect the professionals. Yet they don’t have to respect us. How does even work?
When a patient tries to explain what’s going on symptomatically and you just cut them off repeatedly…
My feelings, our feelings, are warranted and logical. Sometimes, it is less wanting a quick cure than simply wanting to be heard out. I can tell a counselor about my insomnia til I’m blue in the face, but they can’t do fuck all about it. Doctors can. So for almost a year, I’ve had constant interrupted sleep and it’s just now being addressed.
I wonder if the doctors had been listening all along, would it have been addressed sooner?

Am I being too demanding of these professionals? Unrealistic in my expectations? Unfair? Is it just my wacky bipolar distorting everything so I can’t be made happy?

I think the fact I can even wonder that says I’m being completely objective in my need to want to be listened to, heard, and properly informed in my own treatment.

Which most likely means there’s a lot of “non compliant” written in my file. If you question authority, you’re obviously a troublemaker.


4 Responses to “Anemic Mental Health Care”

  1. The only thing we need them for is to get prescriptions. We have to do our own research, every time. I never take anything without consulting on my own. I would have been killed by doctors had I blindly trusted them. I have no idea how they honestly allow these fuckers to graduate. It’s like anyone can be a doctor.

  2. No there’s not a damn thing wrong with a thing you’ve said! Preach is woman, PREEEEEAAAAACH! I have authority issues-always have, always will. But for me, it’s all in the APPROACH. Don’t Drill Sergeant my ass about shit, cuz I’m just gonna stand there, flip you off and run my mouth, and then do fuck all. Come at me a different way-ya know, LIKE I’M A FUCKING HUMAN BEING-then things can be addressed and worked on in a good way. I had faith in my last mental health team until the overmedication fiasco, and I was SO leery about going to yet ANOTHER doctor and therapist. And you’re right about the Medicare and Medicaid options-they are shit. The place around me that take Medicaid has switched to case managers. NO MORE THERAPISTS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT SHIT?! If they label me non compliant because I don’t agree with their way, fuck it, I’m non compliant. It’s my brain and my body and I’ll be god DAMNED if I let some “educated” fucker tell me how I feel when they can’t even bother to look me in the eye and listen to what’s going on with me-I have kids that need me and I can’t be like that again. I’d rather go un-medicated-and we all know how dangerous that is. Seems like the rich and famous can go to there “rehab” for stupid piddly shit, but those of us that really need the help can’t get it because we can’t afford it, because we are unable to work a steady job to afford insurance (that’s outrageous) to get the help we need. Seriously, if it weren’t for DB’s insurance, I’d be screwed.

    So are we gonna get baseball bats and go play ball and make some heads roll? Or are we riding Giraffes through the streets of your town?? Either way, I’m looking for the sheriff, cuz I’m the NEW law in town! :*

  3. It does sound like you may need to find a new doctor who doesn’t think your totally valid concerns are a joke. That’s just plain rude. And I think it’s absolutely horrible that someone broke confidentiality and passed information through other people.

    In any case, I hope you are getting what you need to feel better.

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