Life Apparently Wishes Me Hell

I fell asleep last night…And woke up 47 minutes later. Yes, 47 minutes, because after awhile of clock watching, you start to notice the numbers. It was like, wtf, why even let me fall asleep if you’re gonna wake me up so quickly, brain? I was itching to death so I took a shower, then went back to bed. Kept waking up.  To the point by the time the sun came up, I didn’t want to fucking get up. Fuck yard sales, fuck the whole consciousness thing. I was forced to become coherent when Spook wanted her dress buttoned up. I have a hard enough time with buttons with my glasses on and brain not cobwebbed. It took me five minutes to do four buttons. GRRRR.

I was determined to go to a few yard sales but once out, with the spawn constantly yapping (and she makes me a dangerous driver because she won’t stop talking and expects me to drop everything to pay attention to her and whatever she’s on about, throw in some panic and it’s an accident waiting to happen) and the sun and the heat…I actually started breaking out, from the sun. I am allergic to the sun, which makes sense, as my mom breaks out from direct sunlight too. Yayness. I must have driven ten miles only to hit two yard sales and spent fifty cents. Spook kept yapping and asking questions and I was grinding my teeth and just felt so damned hostile and furious and triggered…Because I tried repeatedly to explain that her noise made me nervous and I needed to focus on driving but she wouldn’t let up a fraction and it was just like WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO, PUT DUCT TAPE ON YOUR MOUTH? Is it illegal to muzzle a child? Jebus.

I stopped for cat food, let her get Twizzlers just so she’d have a mouth full of food and stop talking, and came home, deflated and angry and anxious and stressed, yet my brain kinda wants to go back to sleep. Yes, anxiously lethargic. I’m special.

I figured it’d be like this, though the way the anxiety metastasizes into blinding anger worries me. Five straight days in the dish and now I am…I need a time out. I don’t want to talk to anyone, see anyone, or do anything. (Yet the overgrown lawn mocks me.) Yesterday, I was feeling it. Today I’m not. And this is not some mercurial personality thing. This is “I can’t handle any more sensory overload”. And I’ve noticed, by tracking things through my blog, that when I have limited dish outings during any week, I’m not as freaked out and worn down at the end. But when I am in the dish every day, day after day, it takes a toll.

A “I WANT TO GOUGE EYEBALLS OUT WITH SHARPENED SPORKS” toll..

So I am putting myself in a time out and hoping some sensory deprivation  will do the trick since my circuits are overloaded and fried.

Would it be asking so much if life would just cut me some fucking slack and on occasion let things go well instead of turning to hell?

 

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10 Responses to “Life Apparently Wishes Me Hell”

  1. No, life doesn’t give two fucks about you needing a time out. :* It’s here to torture us into submission and makes us sheeple. Did you miss that in the “Guide To Life” pamphlet they handed out upon your birth?? I still have mine-covered in blood no less. You should get on the giraffe and ride it through town, and I’ll be over shortly with the cake vodka and Diane can start the IV. Monkey and Spook can yap each other into oblivion-because we both know there’s no submitting from either of them 😉 OOOOOHHHMMMM

  2. Hahahahaha! Just snorted vodka up my nose reading the ‘Ener•graffe’ ad!! I’m just pissed I didn’t get a “Guide to life” pamphlet/leaflet!! WTF man!?! Jayden can hang with Monkey & Spook cause Nikki’s (my kid) gotta be at work soon. BTW, I come bearing cigs, & premed with alcohol,,, woo Hoo

  3. The rebel is tired and sore and staying out of the ensuing rumble this time. Onward Volatile Fems. Though a little alcohol might brighten the day. ❤

  4. ^ Ehh! C’mon Reb, a little imbibbing? I’m sleepy too, long distance giraffe riding & boozing,,,

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