Awards, Dragons, and Sporks, Oh My!


(Ha ha ha, Blah, still make you wanna barf? Loved the dragon, hated the chick, inserted my own idol.)

Thank you to the Blahthority for nominating me for this prestigious blogging award that has an awesome dragon on it. With bling, no less. Dragons, sporks, throw in some ketchup and we got a cookout.

Um…I have to present to 15 bloggers? I am only subscribed to 14 (half of whom rarely ever post.) Consider yourselves all nominated. You know who you are because you’re the only 14 people on the internet I talk to and my comments show it. (I talk to anyone who comments, if you don’t comment, I don’t talk. Not stuck up, just socially inept. My bad.) Sass, Tessa, Chris, Shadow, Zoe, my most frequent commenters, et al- feel free to accept your nomination or stab me with the spork. Whatevs.

Seven Interesting Things About Myself:

(Insert final round of Jeopardy theme music here for a half hour while I try to think up some interesting stuff about me.)

scroll wayyy down







1.) I ran away to Hollywood, CA when I was sixteen. I wasn’t a misfit there. I fit in. I made friends. I went places. (Didn’t hurt that I looked way older and never got carded, bars just let me in.) Only reason I got shipped back to this armpit was my hooker roommate called my parents after finding their number in my stuff. Stuff she stole from me before taking off and the cops arriving with the runaway advocate coming to fetch me. I regret NOTHING except that bitch stealing my black leather jacket.

2.) I won the Creative Author award in 8th grade for my short novel about a teenage girl who attempts suicide. The teacher and principal all tried to talk me out of entering it for it was too dark. I refused to make a single change. It won.  Fuckest thou.

3.) I had a pet snake named Ophelia Juliet. She was a ball python and so docile, I used to take her around to various schools and teach the kids about snakes. The kids were enthralled. The teachers were out in the hallway turning fifty shades of green.

4.) I joined Job Corps when I was 17. Hotel management was gonna be my thing. Unfortunately, there were too many rules and I developed a very close relationship with Wild Irish Rose and grape Mad Dog that left me scrubbing shower floors with a toothbrush way too many nights. They refused to let me leave. I ran away, took a  bus, called my mom to wire me money, and left on my own. Fuckest thou.

5.) I became an adult at age 11 when I started watching my younger sister while both parents worked. Dad drove a truck six days/nights a week, mom worked swing, so I raised my sis and myself. When I was 14, my mom wouldn’t stop bouncing checks, so my dad took her name off their checkbook and put mine on it so the bills got paid and I had to “give” my mom a weekly allowance. When I was sixteen, mom had a nervous breakdown so I took a leave of absence from my job so someone would be there to take care of my sister while dad was on the road and mom was in the psych hospital. Perhaps why I wasn’t in any rush to procreate and take on all that again. Least it broke me in.

6.) I am a fountain of useless pop culture. In fact, when R was playing a trivia game, instead of consulting Google for Marilyn Manson’s birth name, he consulted me. If I could only make a living with all this useless crap in my brain.

7.) I used to work in a daycare. Yes, dark gloomy foul mouthed chain smoking liquor lusting me. Kids have always loved me. I used to take my Furby in with me and I’d wear a bathrobe and fuzzy bunny slippers to indicate nap time. Never mind it was during my manic time. I was frigging awesome, right up until the winter depression when  all my adorable charges became slithering shrieking examples of demonic evil.





8 Responses to “Awards, Dragons, and Sporks, Oh My!”

  1. It looks much much much better with the spork of fortitude hiding the maiden of blergh. 😀

  2. I did this one already, thanks anyway.

  3. I have a bunch to do now…guess it’s time to sit down and do them..after my nap 😉

  4. […] got a call from the Morgue to pick up my dragon. The last time I had to pick up a dragon I was in Pandaria as a blood elf […]

  5. Your facts are super interesting. I’ve gone ahead and done this. 😀 Because… questions… can’t resist.

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