Public Service Announcement From Morgueticia

Today my Cymbalta increased from 30 mg to 60 mg. Which means I am prone to some pretty abrupt mood swings in the next few days, probably hypomania followed by a crash. So if I seem to be posting too much, don’t get bent. Truth is, most days the only person I see is my kid and she talks to much, I relish saying little. My blog is where I spew whatever random shit is haunting me. Were you to meet me, you’d find I don’t say much unless others initiate conversation. I’m content to listen, to live in my own mind, to avoid conflict by daring to be honest and tell people how I’m truly feeling. So…Ignore the flood posts (if they do come) and the chatty Kathy act.

Med increases/weans/decreases are a bitch.

Nothing on the agenda today. It’s supposed to be 92, which means, we will be marinating in our own sweat. Ah, fun mother daughter activities. I feel shitty for not being able to take Spook to do fun stuff, but hell, even the closest playground is ten miles round trip and that costs gas. I was going to send her to that Y program (hinging on the scholarship thing) but then I was told getting her there and home would be on my. That’d be about forty bucks a week in gas. Not that I am cheap. I just don’t have the money. Bills and necessities first, all else second. She even got a freebie ticket to Six Flags for her reading in Kindergarten but guess what. I can’t afford an adult ticket nor can I afford gas for the four hour trip there and back, as well as meals.

These are the times I get super frustrated and pissed off with myself. Why can’t I just get my shit together already? Get a fucking job, support my kid properly, stop being this “never enough money” whiner? It’s not lac of desire, not laziness. But the one thing employers want is stability and I cannot guarantee that right now. Maybe ever. Unless I could work from home without a set schedule to accommodate my insanity. No one could be sicker of this shit than I am. It’s going to be a long summer of boredom and my kid telling me about said boredom and I’m going to be yanking out clumps of hair. There’s only so much sunlight and heat I can handle, not to mention when I do go outside to play with her…Her attention span is about two minutes for any activity…GRRR. I just want to be stable. Is that asking too much?

Last night was a welcome breath of fresh air. Once I put my kid to bed, I retired to my bedroom. It had cooled off. I decided to read a bit, slow my mind down. I ended up being awake til midnight actually finishing a book. It only took me two weeks. Woo hoo. If that’s my capability for things I love…

It took two hours to fall asleep. Scumbag brain was super active in spite of half the night time dose of Xanax. Then I tossed and turned and kept waking up. Sleep has become this double edge sword. The dreams were numerous, fleeting, yet so prevalent I don’t feel all that rested. The teeth gnashing continues. At least when I woke up this morning I didn’t think, oh, god, let me sleep some more. I’m dressed. All before ten a.m. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Now since this was such a dull mindless post…maybe something to jazz it up.

badass bitchy dust ebolaface high five happy pills fucket listLaughter is the best medicine, but don’t let that get out or the pharma companies will patent it and started charging thirty bucks a chuckle.

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6 Responses to “Public Service Announcement From Morgueticia”

  1. Haha! The shirts are cool!. We know med changes suck ass! As for shitty Summer for Spook, (I understand feeling bad, it’s totally a Mom thing) even if they have something to do, they still find something to whine about. Often my summers where lacking action: nobody wants/is allowed to play, or they’re mad at you, it’s raining outside (duh me, of course OUTSIDE unless the roof leaks – that’s a different story) Spook is young, that’s what they do. Again personally, I know how you feel, it’s a sucky situation,,, 😦 Don’t worry I really doubt she’ll end up on death row in 15-20 yrs. Anyway ~ feel free to rant/vent away my Chicka!! (I’ve got the severe panxiety & Hindus **sorry hypomania** (damn autocorrect! Comes up with some HILARIOUS sentences fucken’ cracks my ass up!!) Anyway be nice to yourself & don’t beat yourself up over it! 🙂

    • I saw a shirt that said “Screw you, auto correct, I know how to spell my own name.” Made me think of you and Sass!

      On Wed, Jun 10, 2015 at 10:31 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

      • Hahaha! I’m sooo retarded (NO offense to sun any development ally disabled individuals what do ever!)

      • The political correctness thing has gotten so bad, I’ve been waiting for hate comments about the “Latarda” name. Oddly, no one’s lobbying for a cease to mental health slurs.

        On Wed, Jun 10, 2015 at 10:36 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Yeah, that’s hot how I feel too, I always say my family ` we’re all registry’s retarded,,,, what ever. I hate the term African American! They’re born in USA, my beautiful,, 7 y/o gson is mixed ~ he says he’s brown LOL!! He’s my doll! Love him to to moon & back!

  2. swtswtsue Says:

    “Laughter is the best medicine, but don’t let that get out or the pharma companies will patent it and started charging thirty bucks a chuckle.” Love this. Hilarious, and so, so true!

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